Facing Grief

[Butterflywoman]

Sandra committed suicide 4 months ago. To avoid grieving, I got a crush on an old friend. When the romance did not work out I had to face my loss of Sandra which had been pushed aside for a few weeks. I was single for 15 years before I met Sandra so I know how to do that without being lonely. I have been working on my self-esteem and love addiction for a long time. But once Sandra and I found each other I got a taste for having a loving partner and I really miss it. Today I went to the mall where we went shopping and it just hit me so hard. She lived in a nursing home because she had a broken back and an amputated leg, and at the mall I ran into several of the nurses there and the director. Every morning Sandra called me to say good morning and every night she would call to say goodnight no matter how much time we had spent together during the day. So mornings and nights are tough. But I am going to face this head on and let God help me work it through. No more distractions. Grief hurts, but we all have to face it eventually, one day at a time. I am ruminating here. It helps to share my pain. Thanks for listening.

[1963comet]

Sorry for your loss. Right now I know what it feels like. My best friend of 16 years died two days ago. I always called her if I had good, bad or ulgy news. So, every time there is some new news I think of calling my friend. But she is not here anymore.

[Surlyredhead]

[Rowan]

I am very sorry for your losses, Butterfly Woman, and 1963Comet. Blessings and love going out to you.

[Anna]

Butterflywoman,

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. But, I think you know you have to go through it. It's still there, even if you try to avoid it. You are lucky to have had a loving partner.

[Butterflywoman]

Yes! I was so lucky to have had a loving partner. I never had a successful relationship until Sandra. I had to wait until I was 56. It was the first time that the love was reciprocal and based on compatibility. I would look at her and think, "who would have ever thought that getting along with someone could bring such happiness." I had given up on love before I met her.

[CarolD]

Prayers for you as you remember Sandra with love.

[BUTTERFLY-7]

I'm so sorry for your tragic lost I'll be:praying

[Butterflywoman]

Thanks for all the support and prayers. Here is Sandra and me in adolescence. She is the pretty one.

[Toomutch]

The pretty one ? They are both pretty.

[Butterflywoman]

That was kind of an inside joke. I am rough around the edges because of my BPD and Sandra was a saint. She fell off a four-story building and broke her back. Then she had her leg amputated. The pain is why she killed herself, but she never complained. She was also beautiful physically. She was a beauty queen in high school. I never really understood why she loved me but I always saw it as a gift from God and something to be grateful. I am not a bad person, it is just that she was so special inside and out compared to me. My goal is to become as beautiful as she was, and I am making progress.

[lizw]

My reaction or solution (depending on how you look at it) to being diagnosed with MS was to get into the craziest realationship of my soberity. I was like some kind of mad cow. Lol. I can laugh about it now, sometimes. Not all the time but sometimes. So I know what your saying. Since that relationship ended the amount of grief I have felt, about the MS, finding out I had another addiction, that being sex and love, has at times seemed unbearable. But a moment at a time, I keep going, and some days are good and others are not.

I hope you are taking care of yourself.

[indigo]

My heart goes out to both of you who have suffered recent losses, I will hold you in my heart and wish you peace, may your memories soon all be of the happy times you shared.