fear of other women

[tkdjunkie]

I'm going on my first-ever women's retreat this weekend, and I'm scared to death.

I mean, I'm sure they won't murder me in my sleep or anything, but there's just nothing more intimidating than being surrounded by a multitude of menopausal She-Ra mall queens, nonstop, for an entire weekend. (Maybe being murdered in my sleep wouldn't be so bad after all ...)

My fiancé is a sober AA veteran of dozens of men's retreats. He actually had the nerve to tell me, "Have fun!"

Fun? FUN? What does he mean by "FUN"?

I'm about to drown in a sobbing tidal wave of estrogen and maxi pads! He thinks that is supposed to be FUN???

Although death by estrogen asphyxiation may be a legitimate concern for guys, us ladies aren't supposed to have that fear. Men don't understand why we have this fear. This is supposed to be our territory -- it is supposed to be FUN and REFRESHING! But men don't understand that sometimes women are absolutely terrified of other women -- especially when they congregate in large raging malicious packs.

Or maybe that's not my whole problem. As screwed up as I am, there must be some other reason I'm afraid.

I think I've got it. I'm not afraid of them ... I'm afraid of me.

I am not afraid to be rejected. I am afraid to be accepted.

I am not afraid to find that I am worthless. I am afraid to learn that I am worthy.

I am not afraid to see my mistakes. I am afraid to admit my accomplishments.

I am not afraid to unearth my defects. I am afraid to discover my strengths.

I am not afraid to fail. I am afraid to succeed.

I am not afraid to be sad. I am afraid to be happy.

I am not afraid to love. I am afraid to be loved.

I am not afraid to die. I am afraid to live.

But despite these fears …

I will inevitably be accepted by some.

I will learn that I have some measure of worth.

I will see my accomplishments.

I will discover my strengths.

I will occasionally succeed.

I will be reasonably happy.

I will be loved by someone.

I will live.


And hopefully I'll make it home on Sunday just in time to watch some God-awful Vin Diesel flick. (Got to counter-balance the estrogen overload somehow ...)

Y'all have a nice weekend!

[Done-With-It]

Sounds like you have a lot of it figured out. I think you may have a better time than you might think. Take some deep breaths and try to just enjoy the moments..

[anvilhead]

i remember similar fears on the eve of my first woman's retreat!!!! i thought for sure i'd get there and they'd take my car keys away and i'd be imprisoned!!!!! i'm sure i looked like a deer in the headlights most of the weekend and i did tend to withdraw and go off and be alone from time to time....but i survived. actually i DID have fun.....when i let myself.......and yes, i cried too.....

i hated other women for the longest time....i'm not even sure WHY anymore....finally had to concede to the fact that, ahem, I'M one too! and that we are a mighty powerful part of the gene pool.......

do tell us how it goes, and which arm they severed first!
hugs.......

[daydream]

"Memmmmmmmmmmries..............all alone in the mooooooooonlight"....

Wow, it was the same for me the first time I went to a women's retreat. It was the whole approach/avoidance thing. I wanted to go, I had fantasies of a bonding I had never experienced before, I couldn't bear to miss it. But I was also terrified. I hid in the cabin quite a bit. The rest of the time I participated but was a nervous wreck. The nervous part was mostly fear of rejection by the women I didn't know. They all looked and acted so put together, so recovered. I felt like a misfit with all my problems. But they were friendly and accepted me. The next retreat I went to, I ruled

[Lily]

You're gonna have a blast! Tell us about it. I'll bet you will connect w/ at least one woman there.

Sheila

[BUTTERFLY-7]

I could understand your fear I also go trough that same fear
but I'm not afraid of them I guess my fear is what I feel
or the experience of been around women

I had more male friends in my time of living
on this god green earth than woman
Why? I will tell you they gossip to much,they envy you
I had Bow Down never to get to close to them
I grew up with mostly males in my both sides of the
Family I'm the oly child that my dad procreated
my mom she move on with her life and had more children
and just for my luck they were all males

so I really never had a woman role model in my life
only my foster mother when I was young and her daughers
and her daughters were pretty mean

so when I come across a woman I have my guards up
is funny it's like been in a wild life inhabitant
ready to defend my turf or to be alert

I pray to God that I could one day find that woman friend
that when envy me or pretend to be one thing
but behind me is sticking her claws at me or
bad mouthing me or been jealous of what I got

or wanting to have whats mine like my Husband
so good luck on your retrieve I'll be

[indigo]

Can you try and go without any preconceived ideas and throw yourself in wholeheartedly?, there's sure to be some other women to make a connection with and probably a lot of the others may be feeling just like you are now. I hope you have a great enlightening time.
indigo

[splendra]

women are people too.

[Digginit]

I have a lot of anxiety about doing things that involve other women....and men. I get completely freaked out when I think I'm going to have to socialize with other people. Waaaay too stressful to be fun.

~dig

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Once Again talking about all this fears I Guess my Time
has come to confront them I'm not going to a Womans
retrieve I wish it would of been that cause you could come
back home and it will all over

I Got call today for a Job Interview and is to work in a
fashion clothing Department store and is womans Clothes
so that means I got to not only work with other Womans
but the customers as well God Help Me

[Surlyredhead]

I felt the same for a long time, almost anti-woman.....I laugh now, but then it was a real fear/distaste. I realize that (for me) I didn't want to be around other women in recovery(or at all) because I was afraid to look at myself!!!! With a few 24 hours sober, I began to realize that having female friends wasn't so bad...... now, I cherish my "girlfriends", they are truly gifts of recovery. Because I love me for who I am today (quite a goof really) I am able to love others. As for your trip, I would be nervous too, new things still scare me a little. You are brave, but I think you will be glad you went!!

Cathy

[tkdjunkie]

Thanks everyone. It wasn't as bad as I thought. In fact, it was great!

But when I first got there, I wanted to turn around and go back home. It felt like a huge mistake. I felt so out of place. I actually got in my car and started to drive away.

But I stayed. It seems like everything I want to do is the opposite of what I should do.

I spoke up in a meeting and shared how I felt. (It's hard to speak up in meetings) Apparently alot of the ladies felt the same way I did!

One lady in particular was having a much worse time than I was. She shared that she was very sad because, "everyone else is going to have a spiritual experience, but I won't." But by the end of the retreat, she did have a spiritual experience. It was beautiful to see the change in her. It was like watching a miracle.

I didn't want to leave. It was a true "Enter as strangers, leave as friends" experience.

All of my fears came true. I was accepted, and loved, and respected. I even have new friends now. I'm happy ... it's difficult to describe.

It was a great experience. I definitely want to go back next year!

I hope maybe my experience might help someone else who's scared ...

[1withaloha]

I came across your thread and was sooooo excited to read the outcome 2day! It is soooo heartwarming....Ihad to laugh a little cuz I knew it would be a gr8 outcome!!!! Recovery is AWESUM!....Remember the men will pat your ass....the women will save your ass!!! LOL ....I'm so happy 4 u!!!

[daydream]

YAY!!!!!

[indigo]

Graet news, I'm glad it went so well for you and you made new friends too.

[Brittany Marie]

I can totally relate with all that!
Not necessarily being afraid of other women, but being afraid of yourself.
Not only am I afraid of what I could do to damage myself or other people, but I am afraid of what I could potentially do to succeed.
I guess this stems from my low self esteem, I don't know about you though.
As someone else said, it seems like you have most of it figured out, which is half the battle won.
I guess it's not as easy to resolve thing's like this though..
I hope it all goes well and you can overcome your fears eventually..
x