want to stop drinking

[chefmagnet]

I think I've really hit bottom. I am so miserable. I have finally admitted to myself that this is because of the wine. If you knew me, you would never guess that I was an alcoholic. It's like I have a secret double life. I only drink at home, so nobody even suspects that this is my lifestyle. On the outside I am a teacher, an every sunday church attendee, and very involved with my kids and their activities. At night, I am a much different person. I got drunk for the first time at 14, so this has been a long process. I wasn't completely out of control until recently. No, my other addiction was food. I weighed 300 lbs, and completely miserable and in pain, I though gastric bypass surgery would certainly solve all of my problems. I was very surprised to discover that I am now an unhappy miserable mess in a slim size 4. Drinking just replaced my other self destructive habit. I feel a big downward spiral. Out of control. I have had scary blackouts over the past year, and have hurt myself pretty badly at times. I'm scared and I don't know what to do to get my life under control. I really want to stop all the wine. I don't know how or if I can. What's worse is that my hubby is also an alcoholic, to a much worse degree that I. I love him dearly and am not prepared to leave him. Is it possible for me to stop drinking if he won't? Yes, lots of questions. I suppose I am ranting. I just need some help. I don't much have a support system. Lots of "friends" but none who are there in need. My mother, my main support passed away two years ago, and my family pretty much has nothing to do with me (not because of drinking - they don't know. I've kept it very secret. I've lost them because my mother used to hold it all together and I think they feel free of not having to do things with family now). Thanks for listening.

[indigo]

Welcome to SR. You are not alone and the fact that you've accepted that you are an alcoholic is the first step towards sobriety. Have you got a support group in your area? You will find lots of support here so I do hope that you keep posting and take care of yourself. It's always a good idea to talk to your doctor about quitting. Recovery really is the best.

[chefmagnet]

Thank you so much for your reply. I am looking into some support groups in my area, and so far Women For Sobriety looks like a good place for me to start. I will call Monday. I have been to AA several times, and felt like having a drink every time I left a meeting (I have issues with depression any way, and the meetings made me more depressed). Plus, it was not comfortable for me with the religious overtones. They may claim that they are not a religious affiliation, but it definitely involves gving your problem over to God and follows a religious ritual, including prayer. I am a very strong Christian, and have been brought up to believe that praying and worshipping with others who do not worship the God that I do is a mortal sin. Some people actually have things such as their cars as their higher powers rather than a religious entity. This made me extremely uncomfortable. I am searching for some Christian help in my area as well. I have always heard that there is no other way to stop other than through aa, which is really scary since I am so completely uncomfortable with it. Please tell me there is another way that works. Do I have to leave my alcoholic husband in order for this to work? He knows he is an alcoholic, too, and many times has expressed a desire to stop but can't. I'm afraid we are going to bring each other down. Is it possible that we can get help together and stay married? I thought you only had to go to the Dr if you were physically dependent. This is not the case for me. I actually stop for weeks at a time only to return to the bottle. My husband on the other hand is. He has to roll out of bed and start drinking immediately to "even things out." I do not want to drink at all, but he has already called me this morning to ask if I wanted to stay up a little bit tonight with him when I return from work. This almost always involves us getting completely smashed together. I'm so afraid that I can't have both my sobriety and my husband.

[51anna]

Hi and big Welcome!

You need to find a way to stop drinking that works for you. I am not an AA person either, but I do work at recovery. I drank at home, alone, too and lived a double life. One of the worst things about my addiction, was the lying and deceit. I was always hiding things and I hated it. Recovery is a relief.

I do believe that you don't have to make a decision at this moment about your future with your husband. You can stop drinking, regardless of what he does. You can live a sober life for yourself. And, when the time is right, you may or may not decide to remain married, or maybe your husband will follow your example.

[LosingmyMisery]

I wish you luck. I understand your problem, wine was my favorite poison. Is your husband ready to stop drinking? That is a tough one. It is so easy to be lured back into the drinking game. You have to focus on yourself and your own desire to stop drinking. Maybe once your husband sees the positive side of your sobriety, it may inspire him to stop as well. Keep moving forward. I think that we can find aspects of any program that we do not like. The key is, are you willing to go to any lengths to get sober? That is the question. When you are, you will find what it is you are looking for. We need to push through. The results are well worth it.

[CarolD]

Did you have a counselor while dealing with your food addiction?
If so
might be useful to stop binge drinking too.

Blessings to you and your family
....Welcome to SR

[BUTTERFLY-7]

The Good thing is that you are realizing that you have a problem,thats step number one Braking your Denial, step number two is When you surrender completely,you said you want it to know on what to do, well Simple the tools are Giving to us who desire a better living from Abstinence from alcohol don't think for a minute I don't Identified with you but your not alone if you really want this it Stars with you and it Ends with you.

[chefmagnet]

Thank you all so much for your replies!!! Yes, I succombed to the demons again this evening and feel awful for doing so. My husband and I talked quite extensively about this, and both of us truly desire to quit drinking, and we talked quite extensively about the guilt involved in what we are doing. We both hate it and both want to stop the viscious cycle we have begun and that continues to get worse. We just don't know where to begin, but we know we are miserable. I for one have moved from addiction to addiction to addiction, and really want to stop the whole self destructive cycle. Both of us do. We just don't know where to start. My husband discussed with me his problems with aa. He feels like all you do is go and watch a bunch of people switch from an alcohol addiction to an addiction of cigarettes and coffee. He feels it is very cult like, and therefore makes him uncomfprtable; however, he understands the self destructive and family destructive pattern he is following. He also feels as guilty as I do ove not only his drinking and the acts he performs whie drinking, but also almost everything in his life. I, too share this guilt. I am a perfectionist, and even though my drinking is out of control, I have a 4.0 gpa in grad school, and both of my kids are honr roll students. It is as if we all must be perfect, and none of us can handle the pressure of being perfect all the time. We all experience a tremendous amount of guilt and self hatres that aa doesn't seem to address. We just want to feel better about ourselves and our capabilities so as to not succomb to every addiction that makes us feel better temporarily. We talked extensively about the fact that if it weren't alcohol it would be caffeine, exercise, etc., and always has been for both of us. At least one of you mentioned that your path was not aa. How did you overcome this cycle without the thing that everyone pretty much agrees is the only thing that works?

[indigo]

It's good that you and hubby talked and have decidedto both stop drinking, you will now have extra support from each other.WTG.

[beingjenagain]

Chefmagnet, I hope you are still here with us. I just found your post. I also had gastric bypass in 2005. Prior to that I had been sober for 3 months. When I started losing weight I figured that my depression issues were with my weight. Well here I am 3 years later a size 10 and an alcoholic. I have been sober for 18 days and also have a husband who drink too much. I don't think he is an alcoholic but when you come home everyday from work and your wife is already smashed it is pretty easy to have a few beers.
I hope you find this post and I look foward to hearing more from you.

[Zuzu29]

I am a wine addict, too. It is ruining my health and further destroying my finances.

But food tastes terrible to me without wine.

My husband divorced me, left be broke, and I have few joys in life without wine. I vowed to quit drinking yesterday, but had some wine with oysters last night, and I feel like a total failure.

[indigo]

Zuzu put it behind you and start again, we are not failures we are sick and when we're sick we need support. Have you got a plan or a support group? Also a trip to the doctor won't go amiss. Glad to meet you and I hope you'll keep posting.

[Zuzu29]

Thank you. No, I don't have a support group as I feel I don't have the energy to even leave my home. I am totally exhausted. Even posting here takes a lot of work.

[beingjenagain]

Zuzu...you live near a huge city so there must be a million AA meetings. Look on line under aa.org and find a meeting. It doesn't mean you have to become a full fledged AAer but it will open your eyes to how many people suffer along with us. You will find a room filled with people from every single walk of life. From construction worker to high society socialite!
Keep coming back here and reading reading reading!

[Zuzu29]

Originally Posted by indigo

Zuzu put it behind you and start again, we are not failures we are sick and when we're sick we need support. Have you got a plan or a support group? Also a trip to the doctor won't go amiss. Glad to meet you and I hope you'll keep posting.

I went to the doctor today, Indigo. She did an EKG and labs (liver and pancreas enzymes) and I was feeling pretty good - until my ex came by.

He really knows how to make me feel like garbage.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Hi Zuzu,

I"m sorry that you are going through this horrible time. Try and remember that you don't have to let your ex make you feel anything..especially like garbage. God don't make no junk!