New Here

[cardinal]

Day 1:

Looking around at the mess of my life gets me angry. Looking at everything I have to do and I get angry..What is that about? Has anyone else experienced this type of anger when they quit?

I don't want to clean up, I don't want to work...I just want to sleep. I feel like everyone just dumps stuff on me and i can't say no...At work, I do the work of three people and at home I'm the sole provider. And the truth of it all is, I DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE. And I am resentful that I have to. How do you tackle these emotions? How do you force yourself to get up and do it? How do you motivate yourself when you know you need to take these steps to get you "house" in order? I would just rather go get a glass of wine and pretend none of it is here. Any advice would be great because I just don't know how to do this....and I need ideas to keep me on the straight and narrow. I am serious this time. I don't want things the way they are and I don't want to go back to the other. I'm disgusted with myself for letting it get this far anyway...I've known, and because I've known I feel like an a$$ for not taking the steps to fix it before it got so bad.

What a dummy I am...

[serenityqueen]

Hi Cardinal, welcome to SR!

And welcome to early recovery. It's a yo yo, roller coaster ride that your on but one that I would never, ever trade for anything in the world.

You're going to be going through a great deal of emotions so rest assured that we've all been where you are right now. It doesn't last forever.

It's normal to be angry. We had to give up something that was our only coping mechanism for however many years we drank and or used.

I'm also the sole provider in my home. My 19 year old son just moved back in with me last summer but up until then I lived alone for about 7 years or so. When ever I start getting overwhelmed with working, taking care of my apt., laundry, cooking, grocery, ect . . . I need to make out a gratitude list. I know you're probably thinking "what the hell do I have to be grateful for?" For starters, you have a job, lots of people have lost their jobs due to the economy and downsizing, (me for one) you have a place to live, you have food on the table, a hot shower to keep you clean and most of all, you lived through your addiction and using phase of it. By what you wrote, you have tried to get and stay clean before. Everyone has another relapse in them but we aren't guaranteed another recovery. I know several people who lost their lives because of this disease. One being my little sister. She died of cirrhosis of the liver when she was only 26 years old.

Keep it Simple and take things One Day at a Time. When you get up in the morning, instead of focusing on how much you want to just stay home and sleep, just tell yourself that just for today, you're going to go to work. Just like you need to tell yourself that just for today you won't drink. Don't overwhelm yourself trying to worry about tomorrow.

Worrying about tomorrow only drains today of it's strength!

Ever been to any AA Meetings?

Here's a Thought for the Day I got emailed to me a few days ago.

Patience

Patience is a virtue and a power too. Patience tells us that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and that we get over there one step at a time. Patience teaches us not to rush. Knowing that there is a reason and a season for everything it enables us to smile at the challenges, realizing that there is an answer to every problem. And, even though we cannot see it, yet there is awareness that within every crisis lies an opportunity.

Unknown

Hope to see you 'round for a long time to come. There's some great support and Sobriety here too!

God Bless & Thank God . . .Just for Today,
Judy

[BUTTERFLY-7]

cardinal I'm sorry about how you how feel, but listen if is of any comfort I know exactly how you feel, when I decided that enough, was enough, and got really serious, about my recovery, and not been the co-depended of any body, the after math wasn't good feelings, and good energy, remember we are battle ling, with a disease call addiction, weather is to alcohol, wine ,drugs, or prescribe drugs, or illegal drugs, it doesn't matter when we depend on something to lift us up, or take us away from reality, and every day living, we become dependers to that substance, or drink, and when you decide to break the cycle the feelings of irritations, fallow by periodic of crankiness, and over whelming, some of us face anxiety, or irritability,(irritated),or confuse,daze out with out any kind of desires for anything, I suggest if you are really serious about this to talk to your doc, and you are going to need time out from allot of your daily activity, so the ball is in your court, I know cause I had to leave allot of things, and get away from every thing but in your case you are the soul provider, and the one where everybody depends on, if I was you I will reunited the family, and talk about this and I'm pretty sure if they love you, which I'm pretty sure they do they will support you my for you and your love ones,Bless&B-Bless.

[ImJulie]

Hiya and welcome.
I wish I had answers for you.
The only thing I know for sure is that the answer to making my life better will never be found in a bottle, a pill or a rolled up bill.
Hugs to you and Im glad you are here.

Hop on the roller-coaster called recovery. If you're scared, we'll hold your hand.

[cardinal]

Thank you for the responses. I have been to a meeting before and I am not that open with my problems so that will be a tough one for me, but it makes sense to go. If I'm going to do this I can't do it do it 1/2 way.

Both this forum and AA will be a life line. One step at a time..When I was younger, we lived on a on just your average everyday street, but my dad used to say that that street could take me anywhere. I didn't understand what that meant, but it meant exactly what you said in your post....A trip of a thousand steps starts with the first one..So, this is my step one. Thanks for your support. I'll be back everyday.

[Fluttering]

Hey cardinal

So happy you found us. Very pleased to meet you. I look foward to hearing about your progress.

We are here for ya..

This is a tremndous journey!!! Thanks for joining us

[cardinal]

And so it begins...headache, nausea. The cherry on the top of it all is that I had my daughter and her friend today. Having them with me has not made it any easier, but there is nothing I can do about it. I took them to McDonald's (you can bet that didn't help the headache) and it was full of all of these happy moms and families. I know my drinking did away with my family. That thought depresses me. I want this so badly. I want love in my life - I want to appreciate the McDonald's days. Based on other posts, I think I will start a gratitude list and wake an extra 15-20 minutes early to go over the list. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow with no hangover...

I'm not going to clean my house today - I don't feel up to it. I need to rest, drink lots of water and be good to myself.

[indigo]

Welcome to SR, I'm glad you've started your journey to a happy and healthy life, a sober/clean life really is the best and yes it's hard at first, it does keep getting better though.

[hope45]

Welcome! Give yourself a break - don't clean the house today if it's just too much. Take care of yourself for a change. Once thing I know for sure is that facing all those things which seem overwhelming now - parenting, housekeeping, job etc., is SO much easier without a hangover. Good luck and keep posting!