exboyfriends and frustrating feelings

[Katey the Frog]

Okay, so I broke up with my boyfriend of about four months about three weeks ago. i broke up with him because i just didn't have feelings for him anymore and to be perfectly honest, i was just sick of him. i would get so annoyed anytime he was around and wasn't attracted to him at all anymore. he was hurt and cried a bit and i felt terrible but it had to be done. par for the course as far as my relationships go.

so anyway, i didn't see him for about two weeks, and then we saw each other at church this past sunday. we sat together and chatted before and after the service and things seemed pretty good. i didn't get any feelings bubbling up or anything, so i was glad.

then a few days ago i was cruising around facebook, and if you're at all familiar with that site, you'll know that it keeps you updated on what your friends are doing--who they're chatting with and so on. well, from these updates, it became apparent that he's sort of seeing or "talking to" a new girl. my first thought was "Bitch". My second was "somebody get me a drink. and fast." then my third was "why do i even give a crap???"

it's so frustrating!! i don't like him! i don't want him to be my boyfriend! i think he's a good guy and deserves to be happy!! SO WHY ON EARTH AM I SO UPSET THAT HE'S TALKING TO A NEW GIRL?? AAAAHHHHHHH!!

to further my frustration, i made a comment on his page: a completely innocent and non-threatening, platonic comment, and both this new girl AND his ex (the one before me) made bitchy comments about MY comment!! what the hell?!?!?

oh, the perils of staying "facebook friends" with your exes!! I just want to drink myself retarded and hook up with some random hot guy to get back at him! To get back at him for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG.

i was going to explode and/or drink if i didn't get this out somehow, so thank you for listening.

[CarolD]

Early sobriety is a whole up and down mess of emotions.

Can you just not go to that site for a week or two?

Good to see you did not drink regardless of this situation.

[Katey the Frog]

yes, i should probably just steer clear of the site for a while, but it's so tempting to know it's there!!

[51anna]

Hi Katey,

I think it's kind of funny that when we break up with boyfriends because we don't love them anymore, we still want them to be, oh kind of waiting-in-the-wings, just in case.

As Carol said, just give yourself some time and stay focused on yourself.

[Lily]

Cuz we are women....even if we don't want someone anymore, we still want them to want us, at least for a little while before hookin' up with someone else....the jerk! They cannot possibly be over us that quickly right?

Just recognize it for what it is worth and move on. Even if you got him back you wouldn't want him. All of a sudden they look more appealing when someother gal wants them. (I have done this, broke them up and then still dumped him again) I was mean! Don't hurt him anymore....just move on! and don't drink over it! ;-)

Sheila

oh, and unsubscribe to him as your friend on facebook so you don't have to see his updated moods and such. ;-)

[lovingseren]

Early sobriety is full of rampaging emotions, high drama and paranoia.

Please listen to the advice others here have given to you.

hugs to you

Seren

[indigo]

Yes can you block him from your 'friends list' ?

[Clutch B]

I broke up in early sobriety too. The decision to break up was his, not mine, so it really hurt. It was best for me to cut off contact completely. I simply couldn't handle the constant reminder of what happened. Whenever I'd go back to look, I'd teeter on the edge of drinking again.

It's two years later. I've reached a respectful understanding of him. We don't communicate much, but when we do, I'm ok. Even if he's seeing someone else, I'm still ok -- it's a genuinely good thing.

Maybe it just takes time? But I couldn't have done it without taking a break first.

[Paulie]

oh, and unsubscribe to him as your friend on facebook so you don't have to see his updated moods and such. ;-)

Yep!!!

And don't use him as an exuse to drink. If you pick up, you will not be hurting him, you will only be hurting yourself.

You did coming here and letting it out, good for you.

[AbsentFriend]

Oh boy, I stayed friends on Facebook with an ex's friend, and as a result discovered that he was getting drunk and hooking up with girls the day after we broke up (we dated for 6 months). He broke up with me, but I didn't really want to be with him, either. It still infuriated me - I felt incredibly disrespected and betrayed. Like our entire relationship meant nothing, if he didn't even have to grieve it for a day.

You could say that it was fairly early in my recovery, too. I discovered just how badly I needed a program after we had started dating, during a confrontation on a visit home to my family. I should have known then that it could never work out, that I had too much work to do, but we can't know what we know until we know it.

I unfriended everyone I had in common with him, and had to exert some will power not to go looking for anything. I had to remind myself, "Nothing good can come from this." I had to acknowledge that looking for these things was an act of self-punishment, and I didn't deserve that.