The desire

[6yAng]

Have any of you experienced a change in the desire to have sex since you've gone sober? I mean the quality is much better sober because, #1, you can remember it; but the inhibitions are there again as well. You know what I mean? The desire isn't as great because it's more awkward being sober; until you've gone so long that you don't care what he thinks because you gotta have it. Then it's no holes barred. lol Does anyone know what I'm trying to say? And if so, any ideas?

[Paulie]

I know exactly what you are saying. The longer you work on yourself, the more comfortble you will be with yourself.

And for me, sex became different, it became meaningful, not just sex.

[nandm]

:rof
I can relate to what you said quite well. I have found that sex is much better sober. It is nice to not have to worry about who might be next to me when I wake up (not that I did much sleeping around as to have sex would mean I would have to put my drink down and I would rather drink at the time).

You are absolutely right about the awkward at first, especially for anyone with self image issues. The newness of actually being able to feel even subtle things is also awkward. Even at nearly 7 years sober I still have those awkward moments. But thankfully I am in a committed relationship with someone who not only is a recovering alcoholic but also has experienced sexual abuse as a child. So I don't have to worry too much when I feel awkward as I know I am not being judged. It has taken me a while to be able to relax and enjoy the experience. I could never do that while drinking. I just wanted to get it over with so I could get back to drinking or watching tv. Today I actually look forward to it as it is a positive experience.

Enough out of me......my face is red from sharing on the subject.. rof

[indigo]

Early in recovery I too was inhibeted I was used to being drugged up and drunk. Now it's fantastic, my partner of 23 years is very sensitive to my emotions and it works.
Welcome to the womens forum.

[wooforever]

I lost my sex drive after getting sober.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Oh boy..I so relate to this post. This is what I have done, and am doing:

I'm gentle with myself. I"m patient with myself too. So much of my sex life was tied up in being drunk/drinking blah blah blah that I had to give myself a break for awhile in order to find out what being intimate really is/means for me.

I have a very patient partner.

It's getting better, there's still room for improvement, but as I feel better about ME, then the experience is so much more than it ever was before.

Did I make any sense? lol

[Toomutch]

Drinking definatly made me VERY uninhibited. To tell you the truth I have been sober for 11 days and have not had sex during these 11 days, I'm not sure why. I'm not so much afraid as just not that interested right now.

[6yAng]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that wooforever. No offense but I hope that doesn't happen to me. I don't think so, but I'm getting close to the age of premenopause and some people told me that I may not want to have sex at all during menopause. I don't know, it all sounds so scary. Going sober, ok, but menopause, wow. I remember telling my mom once, years ago, that if I ever decided not to have sex again to just take me out back and shoot me. lol. I want to have sex, but I'm not used to feeling awkward. My fiance drinks but not in the house and not around me anymore. So it's kind of different for the both of us. Having 5 kids between the two of us doesn't help either.

[Katey the Frog]

i have decided to become a "born-again virgin" now that i'm sober. drinking just warped my view of sex and the experience itself so much that i want to start with a clean slate. i'm going to try to wait until i'm married (seeing as that was always my plan...until i discovered alcohol in college). it's easy right now, because i am so preoccupied with sobriety that i have little time to think about relationships and sex. it's great!

[lovingseren]

On becoming sober and beginning my recovery, I realised I had such a warped sense of sexual relations, I had absolutely no idea of intimacy.

I had to learn how to be intimate with my lover, Baby Steps was the key.

Holding hands, sharing a joke, spending time together, sharing a dinner by candelight with a lot of eye contact, hugging, kissing, foreplay, it all took time.

I have been sober for over four years, and I am happy to say it keeps getting better and better, and was worth the effort.

Seren