All About Me - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

***Anna*** · 02-22-2008, 03:20 PM

I have really been struggling the past couple of weeks. Depression has always been with me, and even though I'm on meds, it still rears it's ugly head at times. And, the past couple of weeks have been difficult. I have really had to fight to stay positive.

It's nearing the end of a long Canadian winter, we've relocated to a new city recently and I'm job-hunting. I hate looking for a job. I always feel so vulnerable and it makes me want to put on my armour and run home and hide. I also want to start some volunteer work because I've always done that. Actually, I have learned that I 'need' to do volunteer work and I've seen some fabulous opportunities in this area. But, I want to wait until I get a job, so I know when my free time will be. And, I am SO darn impatient. I have been pulling out all of my recovery tools and shining them up and I think today, I have turned a corner.

I am going out tonight to buy Eckhart Tolle's new book "A New Earth". I can't wait to read it and hope to get a good start reading it this weekend.

WLDKATZ · 02-22-2008, 03:23 PM

<< HUGS>>
I hurts me to hear you this way and yes even someone as strong and powerful as you are entitled to the down times, a good book and loads of bubbles are what helps me as well I hope things pick up for you Ann!!! Good luck!

Hope · 02-22-2008, 04:10 PM

(((Anna))) I relate to everything you are talking about because I've been down lately too and having trouble staying positive.

It sounds like you know what to do and you are making a plan to put it into action which is great. Sometimes even planning it out helps to slow down the overwhelming feeling. I relate to being impatient too. But things all fall into place as they are supposed to. Your recovery is growing stronger as you face these things and walk through them with your head held high.

It is time to slow down and be gentle with yourself. It is good to have a plan, but be careful about being in the mind set of where you "should" be or what you "should" be doing because too much of that will get you down. It will make you feel that you are not doing what you "should" be doing. I remember my counselor telling me to be careful and watch out for those "shoulds". They are a downer in themselves.

You are doing great, Anna, and you are handling this situation well with grace. That is your recovery tools at their finest.

You will emerge from this stronger and with lots of new opportunities. Take this weekend to be extra gentle with yourself. Everything is already okay.

historyteach · 02-22-2008, 04:20 PM

(((Anna)))
Geographical location; life events; and job stressors. Yep...sounds familiar to me!

But, I think you're doing wonderful! You've got a plan; you're working on it; and you know where you waant to go next.
Thanks for being a model for me,
and an inspiration, too...

I think Hope4life has a great point about the "shoulds" too.
Take this weekend and relax. Next week, you've got your full time job, looking for a job, right?

Shalom, my friend....shalom!

***Anna*** · 02-22-2008, 04:50 PM

Oh thank you Hope, for your very kind words.

Slowing down and being gentle with myself are definitely the keys. I am my own worst enemy in situations like this. And, as you said, all the "shoulds" are speaking loudly to me.

I just went out for a walk in the cold and bought the book, so I'm ready to settle down in front of the fire and read.

***Anna*** · 02-22-2008, 04:52 PM

Thanks Teach,

And, yeah looking for a job is taking a surprising amount of time. I spend time searching job websites, but I'm also walking around the neighborhood and seeing what's available and I've gotten a few good ideas there. I would love to be able to walk to work. Plus my printer isn't talking to my computer so I have been making multiple trips to the library to print resumes and stuff.

Hope · 02-22-2008, 05:31 PM

Settling down by the fire and getting cozy with a book sounds great!

Don't worry about the "shoulds", just enjoy the fire and your new book!

Oh, and one more thing. Close your eyes, take a long deep breathe, and clear your mind of everything. Long deep breathe again. And again. Then say, everything will be okay.

**CarolD** · 02-22-2008, 11:27 PM

A good book...a pleasant home....comfort food ...cats.
Family and friends who value and love you.
Recovery tools all shiny

Wow!
You Go Girl!!
Mega Hugs

lovingseren · 02-22-2008, 11:59 PM

Anna,
I just wanted to say that you are one of the most open minded people I have met on this forum. You are a joy to "know".
You have many gifts, and I do hope you find a job that lets you share those gifts with others.
The one field that is always open to new workers is with the elderly, assisted living is the new way of housing our elders, there are many new jobs opening up in this industry, you might want to look into it.
Again, I wish you all the very best and thank you for being You.

hugs Seren

***Anna*** · 02-23-2008, 05:57 AM

Thanks Carol and Seren.

Carol, your positive attitude always makes me smile.

And, thanks for the advice Seren, and I will definitely consider working with elderly people.

Draysin · 02-24-2008, 05:57 AM

Surely can understand why you're having a hard time - am in the same boat with the relocating, job seeking and trying to learn to cope with depression. Waiting for paperwork to get from one office to another so I can get on meds for that.

I also HATE looking for a job....for some reason I find it embarrassing. My brain seems to think that people should be calling me up! ;-)

Always good to have something to look forward to at these times...and not many things bring me as much pleasure as a new book.

Cheers!
Draysin

indigo · 02-24-2008, 11:37 AM

Anna as always, even when daunted you face up to new situations with courage, even if you're not always feeling too courageous inside. You are a beautiful soul who shares her compassion and truths with us all. Sending you some of my strength and support, I'll know you'll do good.
hugs Annie

Digginit · 02-24-2008, 09:48 PM

Don't worry about the "shoulds", just enjoy the fire and your new book!

Yep. I'll never forget these words from my grandmother (dad gum I miss her), "If you're not careful you'll should all over yourself." I remember her words often as I think about what I *should* do or how I *should* have done it for it to have been better....

I miss you Grand Jenny.

~dig

***Anna*** · 02-25-2008, 01:30 AM

Thanks everyone! It feels so good to have support.

As often happens in my recovery life, the right book came into my hands at the right time. I began reading Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" on Friday and I haven't been able to put it down. It's about finding your life's purpose and it focuses a lot on the power of the moment.

indigo · 02-25-2008, 02:47 AM

Glad you're feeling a little better today Anna. Enjoy your book.

Paulie · 02-25-2008, 08:31 AM

(((Anna))) you inspire me.

Rowan · 02-25-2008, 08:38 AM

I'm sorry I was away this weekend and missed this thread.

I'm glad you've been more gentle with yourself, Anna, and have found inspiration in your new book. I know how much you love reading.

Thanks for sharing your difficulties here, and for letting us see how you manage them. You are a wonderful source of inspiration.

Fluttering · 02-25-2008, 12:13 PM

Anna

Prayers n Hugs to you

The right job will come along..and they will know what an asset you will be to them
Depressions is a tough one...Have you heard of Louise Hay? She has some CD's out that are dynamic that have helped me with my depression. One is called "Power Thoughts"..another is "Staying Positive" I herd her speak and she is an awesome speaker.

HP is holding you close
Many hugs

Evanna · 02-25-2008, 05:52 PM

Evanna squashes Anna with hugs

and then toddles off to ebay to find said book.

indigo · 02-26-2008, 04:09 AM

Hope you're feeling more at peace today dear Anna.

Paulie · 02-26-2008, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by indigo

Hope you're feeling more at peace today dear Anna.

Me to.

After reading your thread I picked up his first book The Power of Now off my coffee table and decided to start it last night.

Anna I could not repond to this thread when you first started it, I am still having trouble some days. Admins say it is my internet connection.

Your honesty, openmindedness and willingness make me smile and inspire me to do more for myself.

Fluttering · 02-26-2008, 08:57 AM

Anna

Free WisdomFlash

[Be sure your sound is on..]

ccgirl2 · 03-08-2008, 09:49 PM

My posts aren't as deep and inspiring as most people's here. I'm a prickly, uptight New Englander. While you're looking for a job, in your free time, I highly recommend working with a local animal shelter (I can tell by your avatar you like cats) I do, and it's the most fulfilling part of my days sometims; taking time to pat a dog or cat without a home and maybe a limited time on this earth and making those moments about love. It's the biggest "high" I've ever had.

Live · 03-11-2008, 05:10 PM

hugs

nan07 · 03-12-2008, 01:43 PM

Sorry to hear you've been struggling, Anna. This has been a long, brutal winter. If it was bad here in WI, I can only imagine how bad it was up north. I don't have any great advice, but one thing I have found to be helpful is to do nice little things for myself. Maybe pick up some nice bath salts, some new teas or even promising to make a little time for yourself to do whatever you like- and keeping that promise. Hang in there...spring is in sight!

02-22-2008, 03:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,832	All About Me I have really been struggling the past couple of weeks. Depression has always been with me, and even though I'm on meds, it still rears it's ugly head at times. And, the past couple of weeks have been difficult. I have really had to fight to stay positive. It's nearing the end of a long Canadian winter, we've relocated to a new city recently and I'm job-hunting. I hate looking for a job. I always feel so vulnerable and it makes me want to put on my armour and run home and hide. I also want to start some volunteer work because I've always done that. Actually, I have learned that I 'need' to do volunteer work and I've seen some fabulous opportunities in this area. But, I want to wait until I get a job, so I know when my free time will be. And, I am SO darn impatient. I have been pulling out all of my recovery tools and shining them up and I think today, I have turned a corner. I am going out tonight to buy Eckhart Tolle's new book "A New Earth". I can't wait to read it and hope to get a good start reading it this weekend. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

02-22-2008, 03:23 PM	#2 (permalink)
WLDKATZ Hell on Wheels Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Flint MI Posts: 4,455	<< HUGS>> I hurts me to hear you this way and yes even someone as strong and powerful as you are entitled to the down times, a good book and loads of bubbles are what helps me as well I hope things pick up for you Ann!!! Good luck! __________________ Good Better best never let it rest until you kick the dog shi! out of the looser!!!!!!!!!

02-22-2008, 04:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
historyteach To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island Posts: 9,303	(((Anna))) Geographical location; life events; and job stressors. Yep...sounds familiar to me! But, I think you're doing wonderful! You've got a plan; you're working on it; and you know where you waant to go next. Thanks for being a model for me, and an inspiration, too... I think Hope4life has a great point about the "shoulds" too. Take this weekend and relax. Next week, you've got your full time job, looking for a job, right? Shalom, my friend....shalom! __________________ IMAGINE

02-22-2008, 04:50 PM	#5 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,832	Oh thank you Hope, for your very kind words. Slowing down and being gentle with myself are definitely the keys. I am my own worst enemy in situations like this. And, as you said, all the "shoulds" are speaking loudly to me. I just went out for a walk in the cold and bought the book, so I'm ready to settle down in front of the fire and read. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

02-22-2008, 04:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,832	Thanks Teach, And, yeah looking for a job is taking a surprising amount of time. I spend time searching job websites, but I'm also walking around the neighborhood and seeing what's available and I've gotten a few good ideas there. I would love to be able to walk to work. Plus my printer isn't talking to my computer so I have been making multiple trips to the library to print resumes and stuff. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

02-22-2008, 04:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
Hope Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 3,300	(((Anna))) I relate to everything you are talking about because I've been down lately too and having trouble staying positive. It sounds like you know what to do and you are making a plan to put it into action which is great. Sometimes even planning it out helps to slow down the overwhelming feeling. I relate to being impatient too. But things all fall into place as they are supposed to. Your recovery is growing stronger as you face these things and walk through them with your head held high. It is time to slow down and be gentle with yourself. It is good to have a plan, but be careful about being in the mind set of where you "should" be or what you "should" be doing because too much of that will get you down. It will make you feel that you are not doing what you "should" be doing. I remember my counselor telling me to be careful and watch out for those "shoulds". They are a downer in themselves. You are doing great, Anna, and you are handling this situation well with grace. That is your recovery tools at their finest. You will emerge from this stronger and with lots of new opportunities. Take this weekend to be extra gentle with yourself. Everything is already okay.

02-22-2008, 05:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
Hope Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 3,300	Settling down by the fire and getting cozy with a book sounds great! Don't worry about the "shoulds", just enjoy the fire and your new book! Oh, and one more thing. Close your eyes, take a long deep breathe, and clear your mind of everything. Long deep breathe again. And again. Then say, everything will be okay.

02-22-2008, 11:27 PM	#8 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 34,835	A good book...a pleasant home....comfort food ...cats. Family and friends who value and love you. Recovery tools all shiny Wow! You Go Girl!! Mega Hugs __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

02-22-2008, 11:59 PM	#9 (permalink)
lovingseren Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 386	Anna, I just wanted to say that you are one of the most open minded people I have met on this forum. You are a joy to "know". You have many gifts, and I do hope you find a job that lets you share those gifts with others. The one field that is always open to new workers is with the elderly, assisted living is the new way of housing our elders, there are many new jobs opening up in this industry, you might want to look into it. Again, I wish you all the very best and thank you for being You. hugs Seren __________________ My recovery program is Women For Sobriety WFS Sober since Oct 2003

02-23-2008, 05:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,832	Thanks Carol and Seren. Carol, your positive attitude always makes me smile. And, thanks for the advice Seren, and I will definitely consider working with elderly people. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

02-24-2008, 05:57 AM	#11 (permalink)
Draysin Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 45 Blog Entries: 9	Boy can I relate! Surely can understand why you're having a hard time - am in the same boat with the relocating, job seeking and trying to learn to cope with depression. Waiting for paperwork to get from one office to another so I can get on meds for that. I also HATE looking for a job....for some reason I find it embarrassing. My brain seems to think that people should be calling me up! ;-) Always good to have something to look forward to at these times...and not many things bring me as much pleasure as a new book. Cheers! Draysin

02-24-2008, 11:37 AM	#12 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Anna as always, even when daunted you face up to new situations with courage, even if you're not always feeling too courageous inside. You are a beautiful soul who shares her compassion and truths with us all. Sending you some of my strength and support, I'll know you'll do good. hugs Annie __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

02-24-2008, 09:48 PM	#13 (permalink)
Digginit Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: usa Posts: 452	Don't worry about the "shoulds", just enjoy the fire and your new book! Yep. I'll never forget these words from my grandmother (dad gum I miss her), "If you're not careful you'll should all over yourself." I remember her words often as I think about what I should do or how I should have done it for it to have been better.... I miss you Grand Jenny. ~dig __________________ -- There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. We seek problems because we need their gifts.

02-25-2008, 01:30 AM	#14 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,832	Thanks everyone! It feels so good to have support. As often happens in my recovery life, the right book came into my hands at the right time. I began reading Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" on Friday and I haven't been able to put it down. It's about finding your life's purpose and it focuses a lot on the power of the moment. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

02-25-2008, 02:47 AM	#15 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Glad you're feeling a little better today Anna. Enjoy your book. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

02-25-2008, 08:31 AM	#16 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	(((Anna))) you inspire me. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

02-25-2008, 08:38 AM	#17 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,138	I'm sorry I was away this weekend and missed this thread. I'm glad you've been more gentle with yourself, Anna, and have found inspiration in your new book. I know how much you love reading. Thanks for sharing your difficulties here, and for letting us see how you manage them. You are a wonderful source of inspiration.

02-25-2008, 12:13 PM	#18 (permalink)
Fluttering Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Fluttering About Posts: 3,408	Anna Prayers n Hugs to you The right job will come along..and they will know what an asset you will be to them Depressions is a tough one...Have you heard of Louise Hay? She has some CD's out that are dynamic that have helped me with my depression. One is called "Power Thoughts"..another is "Staying Positive" I herd her speak and she is an awesome speaker. HP is holding you close Many hugs __________________

02-25-2008, 05:52 PM	#19 (permalink)
Evanna Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Our house. Posts: 816	Evanna squashes Anna with hugs and then toddles off to ebay to find said book. __________________ I used to have a handle on life....but it broke off!

02-26-2008, 04:09 AM	#20 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Hope you're feeling more at peace today dear Anna. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

02-26-2008, 08:57 AM	#22 (permalink)
Fluttering Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Fluttering About Posts: 3,408	Anna Free WisdomFlash [Be sure your sound is on..] __________________

03-08-2008, 09:49 PM	#23 (permalink)
ccgirl2 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: cape cod Posts: 2,320	My posts aren't as deep and inspiring as most people's here. I'm a prickly, uptight New Englander. While you're looking for a job, in your free time, I highly recommend working with a local animal shelter (I can tell by your avatar you like cats) I do, and it's the most fulfilling part of my days sometims; taking time to pat a dog or cat without a home and maybe a limited time on this earth and making those moments about love. It's the biggest "high" I've ever had.

03-11-2008, 05:10 PM	#24 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,309 Blog Entries: 5	hugs __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

03-12-2008, 01:43 PM	#25 (permalink)
nan07 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: WI Posts: 180	Sorry to hear you've been struggling, Anna. This has been a long, brutal winter. If it was bad here in WI, I can only imagine how bad it was up north. I don't have any great advice, but one thing I have found to be helpful is to do nice little things for myself. Maybe pick up some nice bath salts, some new teas or even promising to make a little time for yourself to do whatever you like- and keeping that promise. Hang in there...spring is in sight!

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