feeling weak

[sugarbabydoll]

hey guys,
i'm feeling really tempted, keep thinking about getting high, know i shouldn't do it but feel like, what the hell, i've come this far i might as well keep going ....

i know this is all-or-nothing thinking, which i am totally guilty of, but let's see, there's more ....

i've snorted three valiums in the last two days and i keep taking this migraine medicine that's - not- actually mine or anything ...

i KNOW! it's bad, that's something a really crappy person would do, but it's just like i feel so much BETTER knowing i've got drugs, i panic when i don't have them, can't get them, etc.

anyway, so i guess i screwed up being clean. i feel like oh, well, might as well go back to my old ways again, even though i really don't want to ... i just feel so hopeless, like maybe i won't really be able to get better after all.

for those of you who got and stayed clean, any words of advice?

i'm going to an na meeting tonight, but i feel like such a phony since i did valium

dammit

sugar

[2stop]

((((((((SUGAR))))))))

I don't really have any advice for ya today because I feel the same way as you do pretty much, but want you to know I care and I am here if ever you just need to talk or vent, I truly hope things get better for you soon. You're in my prayers.


Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

[SkyIsFalling42]

Sugar
My personal feelings about what you said are this: I have watched this happen from a distance to so many people that I Love..I posted a very long lettter to drugs and alcohol on one of the boards..I think thoughts, sayings...? If you ever have alot of excess time you might jump over and scan through it. You feel that you are worthless because of what you did, and that is exactly how the addiction keeps you in its clutches. It loves the worthless, doubt, blame, emotional pain, etc. that we in recovery feel at times..It keeps everything going round and round in an endless cycle...unless you can choose not to feed it and let it starve. I truly believe that if we ask God to help us out of this, he will do it..He did for me.
Hang in there girl....keep trying..take out our clean peice of paper each day..dont think about the paper you had yesterday.

Love in spirit
Sky

[DolphinBlue]

(((((Sugar)))))

It's hard to give up using whatever it is that kept us going for so long, please don't beat up on yourself.

You're doing the right thing by talking about how you're feeling. I think that you're right in that you don't really want to go back there, that's the thought to hang on to.

You're not a phony! You're just trying to stay clean and finding it hard right now. I hope you're feeling better after the meeting.

Amy

[2stop]

Hey Sugar! How are you doing today? Hope you're okay.

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

[Paulie]

(((Sugar)))

I hope you are feeling better. Keep talking and sharing, you can get through this, one day at a time.

Ditto - to what Amy said, you are not a phony, we are struggling everyday, some days are better than others.

We are here!!!