A Woman's Spirit

[nandm]

Each day is a "workshop." Let's remember to keep our minds and hearts open so we won't miss our opportunities.
---Dudley Martineau

Looking at every day as a workshop for more productive or rewarding living eases the dread of new or unfamiliar circumstances. Developing the belief that we will be given exactly what we need to change how we meet every twenty-four hours.

Before recovery we expected life to be hard. Our jobs often felt like drudgery. Our families seldom gave us the affirmation we longed for. Friends were unavailable. What we felt we deserved and sought, we often didn't find. That was then. This is now.

It's a simple change in perspective to come to believe that we are given what we need from our jobs, our families, our friends, every day. Accepting this belief will influence the outcome of every experience. Our lives will never seem the same.

I paid my dues for today's workshop by becoming abstinent. What I will learn is up to me.

A Woman's Spirit
More meditaions for women
from the author of Each Day a New Beginning.
Karen Casey

[nandm]

Our inner journey is a transformative process. It involves becoming who we already are in essence and letting go of the phony in favor of the authentic self.
---Mary Norton Gordon

Wearing the right face for every occasion was a goal many of us strived to master in years past. Quite likely we succeeded too. We were accomplished at reading the faces of others, discerning who we needed to be in order to please them. Our worth seemed dependent on pleasing them.

Recovery doesn't mean we stop pleasing others. Learning to love others unconditionally, thus inspiring joy in them, is a benefit of recovery. But pleasing ourselves is of utmost importance too, and we can feel good about ourselves only if we are living honest lives. That means wearing the face that matches who we really are inside.

Our lives become less confusing as we learn to reveal our true selves. When we stop trying to be the person we think others want us to be, we will find more time to simply love them for the person they are, and to love ourselves too.

I will please others simply by loving them as they are today, I can be honest and loving just being me.

A Woman's Spirit

[indigo]

Thank you

[Rowan]

I like the idea of wearing a face that matches who I really am inside. I needed to hear that. Thanks, Judith, for sharing these.

[nandm]

"My husband, four children, six grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren are the most important things in my life. I love them all.
--Thelma Elliot

Liking, let alone loving, those closest to us seems elusive at times, because as relatives, we seldom put on our best face for each other. With ease we express our criticism. But coming to really love the members of our family, loving their faults as well as their strengths, will help us love ourselves. And loving ourselves is the primary lesson we are here to learn.

By the time we reach this program, we all have numerous regrets. But we can make amends and demonstrate through changed behavior our new commitment to acting from an attitude of love. Time is too fleeting and life too fragile to let our most important companions walk by unnoticed, unappreciated, unloved. Each family member will benefit, but even more important, our spirits will be lifted each time loving thoughts guide our actions.

I will take time to notice the most important friends I have, my family. Each family member will get my love and kind thoughts today.

A woman's spirit

[nandm]

Choices are not irrevocable....They can be remade.
---Julie Riebe

Knowing that we can make choices about every circumstance in our lives fills us with awe at the breadth of our personal power. For decades, perhaps, we felt we had none. Life was bleak and we were at its mercy. How thrilled we are to understand, finally, where our power begins.

We are learning so much from this program. At times we wonder how we survive for so long on so little understanding. Our condition felt hopeless, and because we took no responsibility for changing our circumstances, nothing changed.

That's true no more. Every day we intentionally make choices about what's happening in our lives. Some choices, like changing a job or confronting a friend, are big. Others, like deciding whether to exercise today or tomorrow, are small. Large or small, our choices allow us to decide who we are and none of our choices are without significance. That's exciting!

I will choose carefully today. If a change of mind is in my best interest, then I can change my mind.

A Woman's Spirit

[nandm]

No one can make you mad, sad, or glad but yourself.
---Anonymous

Blaming someone else for who we are reflects our immaturity. If we are surrounded by people who don't take care of themselves, we continue to blame others, quite successfully. We'll never grow into the women we are capable of becoming until we accept full responsibility for our actions, thoughts, aspirations, defeats, and successes.

It's not as hard to be responsible for ourselves as we might imagine. When we make the first move to be fully accountable, the feeling of being overwhelmed passes. Knowing that no one can ever make us feel uncomfortable, in any situation or circumstance, gives us immense relief. It's akin to being given a new life, a new personality, a new future.

Knowing I will feel however I decide to feel today fills me with hope and enthusiasm.

A woman's spirit

[nandm]

The child that lives in all of us is always willing to take the blame.
----Margaret Haigh

We sometimes wonder if all women feel as we do. How many times do we apologize for situations that go awry, even those we had no part in? When conflicts erupt, why is it so easy to assume it’s our fault? When we fear we aren’t adequate as women, it’s a small step to accepting blame for every ripple in a circumstance. We become obsessed with trying to control the uncontrollable, and then we think we’re at fault when we fail.

Mood-altering chemicals appealed to us because they temporarily made us feel good about ourselves. Because we’re human, we don’t always feel good about ourselves. But now we have friends we can talk to in the most intimate way and program tools that can improve our attitude. The longer we’re sober, the more obvious it is that our attitude is the culprit. Changing it changes everything!

I am not to blame for anyone else’s problems today. Accepting blame was a habit. Cultivating a better attitude can be a habit too.

[nandm]

The more I force things, the tougher my life
---Helen Neujahr.

Are we driven to control? Perhaps we wonder if trying to control other people is part of the human condition. We’ve probably surrounded ourselves with controlling people, particularly if our friends share our disease. However, not every person alive has to control, and that means we can lessen our stranglehold. But how?

Understanding where our need to control came from is a beginning. Most of us, at least before recovery, were insecure. We wanted to protect ourselves from abandonment, ridicule, physical and emotional harm. The only was we knew to do that was to insist others fulfill our needs. We strengthened, day be day, a trait that hinders us now.

What can save us is acceptance of the first three Steps. Ultimately, we can’t control others, so why try? Turning to our Higher Power can relieve us of our obsession, and that Power, if we’ll let it, will direct our every move. The solution is simple---simple, that is, if we’re not too complicated to follow it!

I don’t need to control anyone today. I am not insecure just as long as I let my Higher Power take charge of my affairs.

[nandm]

I have come to realize that all of my fears are false gods before me.
---Mary Casey

Some days are free of fear: they flow smoothly with not a single "tremor." What's differen on those days? Without realizing it, we probably left God's work to God. Fears generally surface when we get to personally invested in the outcomes of situations and in the actions of people we care about. We get confused and think our well-being is dependent on them and what they do rather than on God.

Fear about anything is the same as denying God's presence in our lives. It's not easy to shake the fear from our minds once we have given in to it, but we can if wee follow the suggestions of this program. Most of us have come to believe in a Higher Power. Remembering to rely on that Power, letting it take charge of our lives and will, is our most positive option.

Any fear I have today is of my choosing. Dwelling on God rather than on the fear will change every experience I have today.

[nandm]

A woman who maintains fitness in her life has earned a Ph.D. in self-esteem.
---Anne Marie Nelson

The word fitness covers a lot of ground. It's related not only to how we take care of our bodies but also to who we eat, think, behave, plan for the day ahead, and pray. Every avenue of our lives is either fit or it isn't.

Our Twelve Step program can serve as our manual for fitness. For some of us, the decision to exercise and eat right is an easy one. Decisions about how we think and how we behave, however, may be more difficult and require more discipline. Fortunately, the Fourth and Tenth Steps keep us in touch with our individual characteristics. We can make conscious choices about which ones to exercise in every situation.

My fitness today is within my grasp. The Steps will anchor me.

[nandm]

Practiced consistently, new habits become who I am.
---Lin Andrukat

We sometimes have trouble defining ourselves. Anyone who spends much time in our presence, however, can define us pretty accurately. Our habits tell our "story" quite readily.

Many of our behaviors embarass us, yet we repeat them. But changeing them takes more than wishing they'd disappear. It takes a decision no to repeat them and the tthoughtfulness to find a replacement for them. We return to old behaviors more out of laziness than intent.

Those of us in a Twelve Step program have the tools to make this shift in our behavior easier. Doing a Fourth Step to look at the past, and the frequent Tenth Step to stay on top of today, gives us the insight to define who we are and who we'd rather be. Chaning who we are isn't that difficult if we have the desire.

Any current behavior used to be "new." It became a habit only with continuous use. I can decide to begin a new behavior today.

[nandm]

A baby learning to walk falls a lot.
----Kathleen Rowe.

We are developing new attitudes, new behaviors, new patterns for nearly every activity in our lives. We can't be expected to master them immediately. The commitment to make progress on a daily basis is quite enough.

We won't be perfect. Ever. The determination to keep improving is as close to perfection as we need ever come. The challenge is in the efort. The growth is in the effort too. We are in this program to grow and change. It will happen, sometimes in spite of ourselves, if we keep showing up to do the footwork.

Falling while learning to put a better foot forward is expected. The learning process is just that: a process. A little effort, one day at a time, will hone our new skills. In no time, we will look back on our old selves with disbelief. How did we come so far, so fast?

I may make plenty of mistakes today. I can accept that. I'm learning and moving forward.

[nandm]

Healing can occur when I see my family of origin as just a vessle to bring me into new spiritual growth, rather than a predictor of all my life's work
----Judi Hollis

Traumatic experiences often teach us the most. This surprises us at firs: How could the pain have had vaule? How could God have allowed it? It's futile to ponder these questions. We experienced what was necessary to fulfill our life's purpose. We are doing so now.

Many of us came from punishing families. Our successes were ignored, our failures held up for ridicule. How we functioned in our families gave us opportunities to fail so we could then appreciate success, to experience pain so we could then appreciate compassion, to know regret so we could nurture forgiveness. Our families educated us. What we do with what we learned determines where we go now.

Every day I am embarking on an adventure. What I do with my experiences today can be a positive reaction to what I learned from the past.

[nandm]

We will never hear anyone else's thoughts if we are only listening to our own.
---Cathy Stone

It's not a defect to think. On the contrary, we need to examine all the issues in our lives, evaluating very carefully what action to take in each instance. Many of us are still clearing up the mayhem that occurred because we didn't give enough thought to situations in the past. But there is nothing gained by constant self-analysis, particularly during those moments when God has sent a friend to share with us her story or perspective.

It's never an accident when another person discusses with us an experience she has had. God intends for us to learn from one another. We are students and teachers, interchangeably. When a teacher comes our way, let's put our minds to rest. Her words may supply the answer we seek.

I will be drawn to the people who have something to teach me today. I will listen first and think later.