Early bottom, premature bottom, on the fence or...?

[chirish]

My name is Colleen and this is my very first post. I stopped drinking 27 days ago and while it's been hard and while I know I was not drinking in a normal way, I'm still plagued with the question of whether or not I can call myself an alcoholic.

I probably averaged 3-4 drinks each weeknight. Sometimes I'd buy a single beer or a half bottle of wine, so I'd hold myself to 1 or 2. Sometimes I'd buy a bottle of wine and drink most or all of it. On weekends, I averaged 5 drinks because I'd have wine with dinner, have a couple of beers out with friends then come home and one or two more.

I never got trashed in public, never caused a scene or said things to people I'd regret, didn't drive drunk, didn't drink during the day. Never had a blackout and my workmates would never know that I even drank. I did, however, try to hide my nightly drinking from my husband and sneak bottles home in my bag, then dispose of the empties later by throwing them in a nearby condo's recycling (!!)

I never binged (the most I drank was maybe 5-6 in a single night, but I'm a 105-pound asian, so maybe that WAS binging, come to think of it.) But the thought of going a day without alcohol was very depressing.

So is there a name for this? Almost-alcoholic? Booze-hound-in-training? I'm considering going to AA but can I even say "My name is Colleen and I'm a sort-of alcoholic?"

This is so confusing! Can anyone relate to this or offer any words of advice? Thanks.

[CarolD]

Welcome to SR!

I'll go over to Alcoholism to reply
please check there

[mtnmagic]

Hi Colleen. I responded to your other thread.

What struck me here were "The I never's..."

I have a bunch of those too. It isn't the I never's that I worry about today.
It simply is what I need to do to stop being miserable and ruining my own life right now.

I'm glad you are here. Hope to get to know you better in the future.

[indigo]

Welcome to WIR I hope you find the answers that you are looking for.

[hope3]

Hi, if you are an alcoholic, only you can say.

However, if you are not, then not drinking for a

year shouldn't be a problem...Try it..

Hope3

[prairierose]

Congrats on your 27 days!

I've had the privilege to hear many stories about bottoms for alcoholics/addicts.

The amounts, drugs, and environments vary, but what's consistent is how they feel inside, an overwhelming obsession to consume something that's killing them inside.

Our outsides might push us to get sober, but my real problems were within.

Your bottom is your bottom, you define it when you decide you're ready to stop hurting from alcohol.
Virginia

[goodgrief07]

Congratulations on 27 days. I've been going to AA for a long time and alcohol was never my first drug of choice- I think somewhere in the Big Book (maybe Dr, Alcoholic, Addict) it talks about using anything to change how you think and feel. There are "Open" AA meetings (most will have an O next to them in an AA meeting list online or if you have one) -Those meetings are for anyone in learning more about alcoholism or AA. "Closed" meetings are just for people who have a desire to stop drinking.

Only you can define your am or am I not but there are also pamphlets put out by AA general services (and widely available online) that are some questions you can ask yourself about whether you are an alcolic or not. I know for me, it was more about the "ISM" (I sabotage myself) the the Alcohol- (ism)

I wish you the best of luck- you will probably hear a story very close to your own if you try AA, and you will be welcomed. Of that I am sure.

[nan07]

Hi there...
I was like you. The quantities weren't huge, but it was my attitude towards alcohol that clinched things for me. I was very uncomfortable with the thought of not drinking every single day. That made me an alcoholic, at least in my mind. Welcome!

[Lily]

Chirsh,

I can remember in my early drinking days seeing a movie about a teenage alcoholic. I can remember feeling sorry for the girl in the movie cuz she could never drink again and I loved drinking. Well, I started just on weekends, then it was nightly. I never really got into drinking in the early morning, but my drinking progressed.

So maybe you are just a heavy drinker at this point, but if you are sneaking, you are on your way. Yes, I do challenge you to try not drinking for a year. And take the suggestions of the other women on the board.

Sheila

[laurie6781]

Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT place to share with others in your same situation.

But the thought of going a day without alcohol was very depressing.

I don't know if you are alcoholic or not. However, 'normal drinkers' do not find themselves on a recovery site, wondering if they are alcoholic, and 'normal drinkers' do not seem to find the thought of going a day without alcohol very depressing.

As far as introducing yourself at an AA meeting, there is nothing wrong with "Hi, I'm Chirish and I want to stop drinking."

Also

I never got trashed in public, never caused a scene or said things to people I'd regret, didn't drive drunk, didn't drink during the day. Never had a blackout and my workmates would never know that I even drank.

These are "YETS". Keep drinking and I am sure they will all come true, along with things you haven't even mentioned.

Why not, as suggested give a good long test to not drinking, if not a year, at least 6 months, and then see if alcohol is really that important in your life.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care.

Love and hugs,

[Digginit]

I can only imagine how WONDERFUL it would be to STOP before I'm damn-near dead. If you're bright enough to recognize your problem before you're knockin' at the Reaper's door, then jump on it and STOP that **** now.

Peace~
linz