Need Help

[BrokenBridges24]

I need to stop compulsive shopping. It is effecting my life. It has been such a dirty secret for so long. It is embarassing to say it outloud. But I need help. My husband knows. It is destroying our relationship. I suffer from depression and anxiety. No excuses. I own what is happening. I need to know where to begin. I went to the Dr. I am on Lexapro and Antivan. I am not sure how great it helps. The Antivan numbs whatever I feel. But I worry if that is just masking my problem. Nor do I want to take pills forever. I need to get rid of the habit once and for all. I need advice.

-Broken

[Paulie]

Hi and congrats for making the decision to make a change in your life.

IMO addiction is addiction and what works for me is a 12 step program. There will be others along soon to share with you what works for them.

You see a dr that gives you medication but do you see any kind of therapist? That would be my first suggestion to you. Someone to talk to so that you can get ideas and make a plan to make some changes in your life.

You are stronger than you know, that I promise you

[BrokenBridges24]

Today is day one. Yes I need to get in with a therapist. I am calling around but not getting real results cause of the holiday.

Thanks for writing back... talking helps. Any help is good, advice, whatever.. I can use alot.

-Broken

[Paulie]

Yeah I am sure you will have better luck tomorrow.

Try some journaling today. When you feel like heading out the door to the store, write what you are feeling.

When you do go to the store, make a list and try and take someone with you to help you stick to that list. Support is what you need right now.

[Anna]

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you are seeking help and the antidepressants might help you. And, good for you for looking for a therapist. Try to remember that addiction is a disease and it's not about shame and guilt. There is hope and you can recover.

Please keep reading and posting.

[indigo]

Welcome, when I was down I used to go on spending binges....have you any friends who can support you? Glad to hear that you are seeking help I do believe addictions can be controlled.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by BrokenBridges24

No excuses. I own what is happening. I need to know where to begin. I went to the Dr. I am on Lexapro and Antivan. I am not sure how great it helps. The Antivan numbs whatever I feel. But I worry if that is just masking my problem. Nor do I want to take pills forever. I need to get rid of the habit once and for all. I need advice.

-Broken

Some of the symptoms of bipolar type II are uncontrolled spending, anxiety, deep hard to treat depression. I see your doctor has prescribed an anti-depressand and and anti-anxiety agent. You might consider speaking with a psychiatrist as they specialize in disorders of the mind and have more experience recognizing and treating mental health problems. I am not saying your doctor is wrong as I am not qualified to say that. What I am stating is my concern that the third symptom you mentioned does not seem to have been addressed medically. A psychiatrist would also be able to provide the mental health counseling and support that a regular MD would not be able to provide. I see it as similiar to going to a Cardiologist for a heart problem rather than just my regular MD.

[BrokenBridges24]

I have an appt with a behavior therapist on monday. He actually called me last evening. We talked, I explained what was happening. He was very kind. He gave me his cell and work # said if I need anything before my first visit please call.

Today I am ok. Day 1 down, And working on day 2.

Thanks to all that responded...Broken

[Lily]

Have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey and the Total Money Makeover? (you can google his book) we are huge over spenders here, non necessarily compulsive spenders, but in some big debt, so now we have gone over to the cash only system in envelopes and when the money for the week runs out, that is it. I NO LONGER carry any credit cards. I keep them at home. I also heard about freezing them in a block of ice so you have to think about the purchase while thawing them out.....also Dave says cut um all up, and only have a debit card. I think with changes along w/ therapy you are on the right path! You can stop spending, cut debt and save your marriage! YES YOU CAN! There is hope! Sheila

[Digginit]

Absolutely! I do use credit cards, but I pay them off each month. If I don't have the money for it, it doesn't get bought. But I guess that's why cocaine's my problem...lol...and not compulsive spending. Duh!

linz

[lovingseren]

Welcome !

I cut up all my credit cards when I got sober four years ago, I decided I must take charge of all parts of my life.
Debt free and guilt free.
Seren

[BrokenBridges24]

My Husband and I paided off the credit cards and we cut them up this weekend. I gave him my debit card and I currently have zero access to anything money wise. It is not like we are in debit. The $ is there and always was. I could very easily spend what I have and it would not effect us what so ever. But the issue is I do not do it for the right reasons. I spend because it fills a need inside that is empty. When I am depressed it makes me feel better to go shopping. I can spent 150 a pop and it is nothing. It gets out of control. My husband wants to save and I am spending it. I also had a card he knew nothing about.Which I would use. In 3 months had 3,000 dollars on it. When this all came to a head he of course was upset. Rightly so. We paid it off and cut it up. It has to stop. It is crazy. I have a closet full of things I will never use. This weekend I will go through it all and clean house. Whatever I can I will pack up and give to a battered women’s shelter. It will be nice for them to have some nice things. My Husband wants to give me the Debit card back and said I should use checks also. It worries me. I want to do the right thing. I am not sure what that is besides not touching anything right now. If I need something my husband goes with me and he pays or he will go and pick up what is needed or he will put gas in the car for me. I am on day 3. So far I have been good. I do not want to mess it up because the out come of that could be really serious not just for me… but for my family. This whole thing has pretty well destroyed my marriage. What is left I do not want to harm by screwing it up again. I want to get better. I want to get to my healthy state. I am not sure how.

No my issue is not drugs but I can say honestly the feeling you get from drugs and the feeling I get from the spending is the same. It is the same twisted logic you tell yourself before you do it and it is the same guilty feeling you get after you have done it. It has to stop. It is a problem. I can not do it alone. I turn it over to God and I will do whatever it takes to kick this thing. I can do it. I can be strong enough to. I want to.
I know all the logical reasoning and why what I do is bad. But when I am in the moment none of it matters. It is just the feeling that matters most from what I get from spending. I have hidden stuff, lied about it, I have been a real mess. But I do know I have a problem. I do want help. So maybe that really is the first step.

Thanks to all who responded. It helps having a safe place to talk without being judged. I feel embarassed and ashamed. But to me I think I should. I feel like such a creep.

Thanks again,
Broken

[Anna]

Hi Broken,

I think you are expressing, really well, that addiction is addiction. I am a recovering alcoholic, but I think I always knew that the alcohol was a symptom. Just like your shopping is a symptom. It's trying to fill the dead, empty space inside with things from outside of us. And, it never works. It sounds like you are doing pretty well and you know what you have to do.