Am I overreacting?

[Brittany Marie]

Hi.
I found this forum sometime last year but was too scared to post anything for a while.
I don't know whether I am an alcoholic or not.
I am alot younger than most of the members of this forum (I'm 19yo) and probably most alcoholics.
I realised 2 years ago that I have an unhealthy obsession with alcohol.
You may be thinking "This girl is too young, how could she possibly have an addiction to alcohol"
I do not drink with friends. I don't have drink buddies and I do not go out to clubs to get drunk and dance the night away.
Drinking alone became a very regular thing for me. I would drink red wine or vodka alone all night until I was so drunk I would pass out.
I stopped drinking for 8 months then got back on it.
I stopped again nearly 7 months ago and have only just started again.
Some of the worst experiences of my life have happened while I was drunk or had simply just been drinking alcohol.
I don't know how to come to terms with the fact that I may have a problem with it.
I don't know who to turn to cause everyone either doesn't understand or just think I'm after attention.
I'm lost right now and don't know what to do.

Britt x

[51anna]

Hi Britt,

You have found a safe place to ask questions and seek support.

A person can become an alcoholic at any age. You are not too young to become an addict and alcoholism isn't choosy about who it descends upon. It's kind of funny because I didn't drink until my mid-forties and it never, ever occurred to me that I could become an alcoholic at that age. But, I started drinking to deal with insomnia/depression/anxiety and I very quickly became addicted. It took me 3 years to stop drinking.

Drinking alone was what I did too. I never drank outside my house. Drinking alone is definitely a sign of addiction, so is drinking to get drunk and passing out. If alcohol has affected your life badly and caused you problems, then it is a problem.

It's seldom that people who are not alcoholics understand the problem. You're not looking for attention, you're looking for a way out. It's a horrible disease and a progressive disease. It will get worse if you don't stop it. But, you can recover, stop drinking and move forward with your life.

[CarolD]

Good to see you are here ...
Welcome to our community!

[Jes23]

Originally Posted by Brittany Marie

I am alot younger than most of the members of this forum (I'm 19yo) and probably most alcoholics.
I realised 2 years ago that I have an unhealthy obsession with alcohol.
You may be thinking "This girl is too young, how could she possibly have an addiction to alcohol"

Not at all.

Originally Posted by Brittney Marie

I do not drink with friends. I don't have drink buddies and I do not go out to clubs to get drunk and dance the night away.
Drinking alone became a very regular thing for me. I would drink red wine or vodka alone all night until I was so drunk I would pass out.
I stopped drinking for 8 months then got back on it.
I stopped again nearly 7 months ago and have only just started again.
Some of the worst experiences of my life have happened while I was drunk or had simply just been drinking alcohol.
I don't know how to come to terms with the fact that I may have a problem with it.
I don't know who to turn to cause everyone either doesn't understand or just think I'm after attention.
I'm lost right now and don't know what to do.

Britt x

Britt - You sound soooo much like me when I was 19! I am now older...but you should know that you are not alone. You can beat this (as proof - you have remained sober before for long periods of time). Have you tried talking about why you drink alone? I know for me it was a way to forget the fact that I was exhausted trying to fit in and pretending to be happy.

I would suggest finding a trusted person to talk to (my best bet would be a therapist of some sort)

As always welcome to these boards! I lurk alot, but your post sounds soo familiar i had to comment. This is my first time posting in the Women in Recovery forum, but i am familiar with the site. There are many people here who can help you, if you reach out!

[nandm]

Welcome to SR.

Anna's response took the words right out of my mouth. Alcoholism does not distinguish between age, gender, financial status, educational level, or any other characteristics we might feel would separate us. You are the person that knows your situation better than anyone else. My oldest daughter was drinking alcoholically by the age of 16. Today she is 23, has not had a drink or drug in 4 years. She recognized she had a dangerous problem and faced it head on. I am proud of her courage. I did not have the courage to face my alcoholism at a young age. I knew I was an alcoholic by the time I was 21 but did not have the courage to do anything about it. I wasted 14 more years out there drinking. It is outstanding that you are seeking help now. By doing so you allow yourself the chance to experience all the promise your future holds. At your age the future is wide open to you. You are not alone by the way. I have met many people in AA who are in their early 20's who have several years of sobriety. Take care. Glad you are here.

[Brittany Marie]

Thanks so much for the encouragement and support.
That sounds a little like me.
I was diagnosed with depression at 14 and started experimenting with different substances thinking they would help me to be happy and fill the place of whatever I was lacking in life.
I made the first step to eliminate elicit drugs from my life and I plan on sticking to that.
But the decision to eliminate alcohol is so much harder.
I figured if I quit now it will be better as I am still young and have alot of life left in me.
Every time I give up drinking I feel like I'm losing my best friend.
It's become my biggest crutch.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by Brittany Marie

Thanks so much for the encouragement and support.
That sounds a little like me.
I was diagnosed with depression at 14 and started experimenting with different substances thinking they would help me to be happy and fill the place of whatever I was lacking in life.
I made the first step to eliminate elicit drugs from my life and I plan on sticking to that.
But the decision to eliminate alcohol is so much harder.
I figured if I quit now it will be better as I am still young and have alot of life left in me.
Every time I give up drinking I feel like I'm losing my best friend.
It's become my biggest crutch.

Your experience almost parallels my daughters. She fought with depression from an early age. She did use cutting to deal with her pain (which you do not state you do). She was seeking something to fill the black hole inside of her. She realized early that pot only made her more depressed. She did go through some pretty serious stuff before she quit though. She wound up trying prostitution and meth, while running with a pretty rough crowd.

Alcohol can be quite difficult to give up especially for someone with any alcoholic tendancy. A suggestion if I may, you might try calling your local aa hotline and see if they have any meetings near you. They also may have some young people's meetings that you might find useful. Although my experience has been there is a wide variety of age groups in the meetings I attend.

I am glad to see you are willing to fight for your future. Take care and keep us posted.

[Brittany Marie]

Originally Posted by Jes23

Not at all.



Britt - You sound soooo much like me when I was 19! I am now older...but you should know that you are not alone. You can beat this (as proof - you have remained sober before for long periods of time). Have you tried talking about why you drink alone? I know for me it was a way to forget the fact that I was exhausted trying to fit in and pretending to be happy.

I would suggest finding a trusted person to talk to (my best bet would be a therapist of some sort)

As always welcome to these boards! I lurk alot, but your post sounds soo familiar i had to comment. This is my first time posting in the Women in Recovery forum, but i am familiar with the site. There are many people here who can help you, if you reach out!

I have been to therapists and counsellors on and off since I was 15.
I hate going to them and I never really felt like it helped at all. I would walk away feeling like crap and analyzing my problems over and over.

I went to AA twice when I was 17 but I just felt stupid being there so I stopped going.

I try talking to my mom about it but she obviously doesn't understand and she doesn't drink alcohol at all so she doesn't see the attraction in it.

I just wanna thank everyone heaps for the support!
You guys don't know how much it means to me to know that people care and are willing to stick by me.

Thank you!

Britt xx

[Jes23]

Brit - I know how that goes. I went to therapy and I just felt like i was talking...not really getting at anything.

Now that I know you have tried it, I would not recommend it (since you didn't like it!)
I also attended AA and found that it wasn't for me. (maybe look into other groups and programs..i know there are a few that have helped me and that I would recomend looking into)

The really only thing that helps me is reading. I read SO MUCH. It helps me get out of myself. I will also go for a walk to get out in the fresh air and sun shine. My walk is starting to turn into jog time which makes me feel really good.

I do know that it really helps to have someone to talk to. People here are great. The anonimity (spelling??) of the internet helps with social anxiety ( i know I have that!)

I am keeping you in my thoughts!

[Brittany Marie]

When I really feel like I need a drink I try to distract myself so that I won't think about it as much, but doesn't usually work that well.

I have gone years replacing things with other things. When I gave up smoking, drinking and drugs I gained weight. Which is common, but I'm sick of having to replace one thing with another.

The fact that I joined up to this forum is a big step for me.
Only a couple of people know about this problem for me.
I guess I'm pretty embarassed about it.

[51anna]

Ya know Brittany, almost no one outside of SR knows about my addiction either. And, for awhile, when I first stopped drinking, that bothered me because I thought I wasn't being honest. And, then I realized, looking around me, how many people tell you everything about themselves. Being an addict is part of who I am, but it does not define me, nor does it define you. You should be proud of yourself for seeking support.

I think that beginning recovery is a point of beginning to break through the issues that are causing you to move from one thing to another. It's about learning how to deal with life on life's terms, not necessarily the way you want it to be. It's an exciting road!

[Brittany Marie]

That's very true Anna.

I guess I'm too hard on myself sometimes.

I expect myself to be perfect all the time when I'm obviously anything but.

I'm grateful I found this place.

Thanks heaps for the support and comfort!

[Digginit]

Britt - You sound soooo much like me when I was 19! I am now older...but you should know that you are not alone.

ME TOO!!! Good LORD, how smart of me it would have been to have stopped then, when I knew, as a teenager, that I had a problem. Coulda' saved a lot of bad days and nights on the crooked back roads since then.

Glad you're here, Britt. Welcome.

Peace~
dig

[Brittany Marie]

Thanks alot!!

It's good to know that people here can relate to me even though I'm alot younger.

Britt xx

[indigo]

Britt welcome, adication has no respect for age so don't think you're too young. I started my drinking drugging career at a very young age and it lasted most of my adulthood, you're showing youself to be wise enough to get help now and thats really brae of you so bravo and I look forward to your posts.

[Brittany Marie]

Thank you very much Indigo!

[Digginit]

So how's it goin' Brittany Marie?

[Brittany Marie]

It's goin' ok, how about you?
It's still Sunday over there isn't it?
It's 1:42pm Monday here and I'm at work.
It's really hot outside.

Britt x

[Digginit]

Sunday night. Almost time for bed. And muggy. Have the a/c on, and here it is January???? WTF? Tomorrow's gonna be a biatch of a Monday I'm afraid. Trying not to think about it too soon. Ya' know...that whole "not taking things too seriously" thing I'm learning about nowadays...lol

Peace~
dig

[Brittany Marie]

Yeah that is very unusual. It should be winter in America now.
Haha yes I so know what you mean! If I'm dreading the next day
I usually try not to think about it too much. Especially Mondays!
They're the worst! Surprisingly enough my Monday is going ok.
How was your weekend?

Britt x

[Digginit]

My weekend was relaxing for the most part. Went flying. Cleaned *most* of the house. Cleaned the carpet in the one room with carpet. Got all the laundry done. Took a good long sauna today. Still haven't taken down the Christmas stuff. I kinda like it there...lol. Maybe next weekend.

Hope yours....and all y'all's...was as nice.

Peace~
dig

[Brittany Marie]

Oh wow.
Your weekend was alot more productive than mine. I really need to get
up and do more on the weekends, I'm so lazy when it comes to Saturday.
Yeah I wouldn't take down our christmas decorations either.
I waited till my mom had had enough of them haha. I'm sad it's all over.
But it'll be back again before we know it.
Hopefully this year will fly past also.


Britt x

[Lily]

hi Brittany!

I read your posts and I just wanted you to know I can relate to you as well. I can remember being in jr. high and I was so excited when my parents left to go to the neighbors for dinner cuz i could sneak a big glass of wine out of my moms jug and catch a buzz all by myself on a Saturday night. I finally found myself in recovery at 24, where I had many great years clean and sober. Recently I have found myself switching addictions too. It would be great for you to learn how to deal with life w/out having to medicate on drugs and alcohol. you are young and have your whole life ahead of you! keep sharing on the forum, there are a lot of great people on here. Blessings, Sheila

It is cold here...snow in Wisconsin. haha

[Brittany Marie]

Thank you Sheila.
That rather sounds alot like me a few years ago.
Yeah I do realize now that it is possible to live life without
having a crutch or an unhealthy vice.
It's just making the first step to eliminate these habits.
I have been contemplating going back to my therapist as I have said
before, but I never really felt like it did much good.
I know this is something I have to overcome and I would love to be able
to learn to do so on my own, but I am young and help is always necessary.
Thank you for your post.

Britt x

P.S. It's raining here today