Cunning and Baffling

[Digginit]

DAMN! I hate addiction. HATE it, and I'm not one to hate. Wasn't raised that way. Despite all that last week brought, I'm still...STILL...craving coke. One would think that when you have such an INCREDIBLY bad experience with something that you'd naturally form an aversion to it. Doesn't work that way...at least with THIS brain. Scares the hell out of me.

That's all.

linz

[indigo]

I hate it too, only thing I could do was to quit and it took years for me to "get it" once you do though hang on tight. I wish you peace from all your suffering. It stinks.

indie

[Paulie]

One would think that when you have such an INCREDIBLY bad experience with something that you'd naturally form an aversion to it

Not if one is an addict.......so now what can you do different this week, that you did not do last week?

NA literature says - Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

What can you do different today?

[Digginit]

Ugh. This week is SO much better than last....which was better than the one before. I just had to scream there for a second, because it just irritates the bejeez out of me sometimes.

I do believe in meetings. They're good. The pearl I brought home from yesterday's meeting was about the benefits of meditation. Turning off the ramblings of the brain....clearing the mind....in order to have any kind of conscious contact with HP. Little things like that are good for crazy ol' folks like me.

Peace~
dig

[Paulie]

Turning off the ramblings of the brain....clearing the mind....in order to have any kind of conscious contact with HP.

I heard at a meeting yesterday that when our brains are rambling out of control (which mine often does) that we should pray OUTLOUD because it is hard for us to talk and think about something else. That little comment made so much sense to me.

Little things like that are good for crazy ol' folks like me.

Ol' folks like me too

[Digginit]

Ya' know what? I'm learning to pray at all. Don't know if I can do it out loud. Kind of like typing. In the midst of my *mental* spell after Thanksgiving, I talked to a good friend on the computer. Could spill it all. He went and called me though....wanted to talk. Hell, I couldn't talk out LOUD. But I was able to let it run through my fingers. Isn't that weird?

Been working real hard on my concept of God. That's important to me. I'm not a person who can pretend to believe in something I don't. Been working out my thoughts here. Today I took my 3rd step...not 10 minutes before a Code R (rape) came into the ER. Well....that's been my big issue lately...dealing with that in my own life. It's raw. Bad timing...or maybe it was good timing that seemed bad to me. I don't know. But went in. Maybe even helped the woman out a bit. Sucked me dry though, and I hoped to not go back again. They've called me just now. Hard to feel much compassion for another person right now. I think my walls are up. But I see it. I see where I need to work, and I think that with time.....maybe it'll be okay.