People in my life...my choice

[Paulie]

Good Morning ladies -

I am a little twisted this morning from the evening that I had last night. And I am so happy that today I understand that I can choose who I want in my life and who I don't, I am speaking of friendships. this may sound odd to some of you, but when I was using I wanted everyone to like, I was a people pleaser, which today I realize is really about me and not about anyone else.

Anyway, a neighbor of mine is moving this week out of state (very sad) last night we had a little neighborhood going away dinner and his daughter in law is just not a nice person. She put my down several times in conversation, very gently but none the less put me down. Now part of me says she does this because she herself is so insecure and that I should feel for her and love her. Well as a child of God, I do love her I wish her no harm, but I don't have to be her friend and I don't have to like her.

My SO's brothers girlfriend is another one. She is part of our family now, so I do make an effort to be her friend. But I do not go out of my way to socialize with her one and one because she is miseralbe all the time. She sees no good in anything and is always down. I do not need any help seeing the negative in things, I was raised that way and I have to make an effort to find the good myself, this takes practice for me. So I seperate myself from her also.

This is really big for me. I hung with alot of people in the old days who if they treated me like this I would do more and more to try and change them, to make them treat me better...today i don't have have to do that.

I just wanted to share this with all of you, this is really huge for me and I LOVE IT!!!!

Sorry for the babbling on and on here I just wanted to share a little step of progress with all of you!

One day at a time!

[2stop]

Pauline-this is wonderful progress!! It takes an enormous amount of work to reach a conclusion like this and to feel good about. Phenomenal, I'd say!! This was really good to read today, I'm so glad you shared it, and you deserve some
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}!!!

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

[myles1]

You ar4e right Pauline we certainly don't have to have anyone in our life we don't want today that's for sure.

Ngaire

[Sarah2003]

Pauline....what you've described is me through and through. I'm a people-pleaser. I need others' approval.

A book I'm reading called "Safe People" talks a lot about what you've just said. Others' negative behavior or actions in a strong indicator of their own insecurities. We can choose to be respectful, but we don't have to be their friend. In fact, it's good to NOT be their friend. Those are characteristics of "unsafe" people.

Thanks for sharing that, Pauline. This is something that I'm working on also.

Take care and have a fabulous day!

Sarah

[Sarah2003]

I love your puppy!

[SkyIsFalling42]

(((((((PAULINE))))))))

I am so very happy for you!!! The biggies are the bestest!!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could be like other people and just blow it off when others are viscious in some kind of way..but I cannot. This is something I am really working on..when someone verbally hurts another, it hurts me deeply and I stay away from them. I guess I have just always felt that if I cant trust someone, I want nothing to do with them...dont know if thats a bad or good thing?
But anyways...I am very proud of you for this accomplishment. I bet your soul already feels pounds lighter!!! Gotta love it!!

Love in spirit
Sky

PS My daughter LOVES your dog...she wants to steal it!! LOL

[Paulie]

Thanks guys - it really is huge for me to see the sadness/misery in someone else rather than take comments made to heart. I feel great about it!!

About the puppy - yeah she is pretty cute isnt she LOL!!!!!

[Stephanie]

Hey Pauline,

Good for you. As you know, this is something I have recently learned the hard way by letting go of two of my best friends. It can be a painful lesson, but very liberating. I am so happy that I don't have to define myself by everyone else's perception of me. I am really proud of you and so happy that you realize what an awesome person you are. You sound so great and really motivate me to better myself.

[sugarbabydoll]

Pauline,

I totally know what you mean, I have this problem too. I can get upset if I find out someone thinks I'm bitchy or weird or crazy; essentially, not worth hanging out with ... it's like high school all over again, except I"m 21 now and need to grow up.

I've moved back home with my parents and I don't see anybody from downtown. If I were still at my apartment people would be calling me right and left, showing up at my house all hours of the day, my ex would be calling and showing up, and I would most likely continue to use, no matter how valiant the effort to quit is.

Sometimes you just have to cut yourself off from people that aren't good for you ... just like your husband's sister (I think I got that right) who's pessimistic ... you've got to protect yourself, or you can't do anything for anybody else (cliche, but true).

Congratulations!

Sugar

Pauline:

What a good job!

I have to put people in different catagories.

Best Friends ---- a couple
Hang around buddies ---- not many
Friends ------ Quite a few over the 8 yrs. clean
Aquantinces --- A lot -- ( people you know, who send off
red flags ).

You are right... You might love them, but, you don't have to
like them. There actions, there character, people are
really sick at times.

However,,, be the nice person you are,,, STAND FIRM,,, in
you're convictions.

I've realized that when I'm spiritualy fit. People don't bother
me. I know who I am today with my Higher Power, & that's
all that matters any more.

When I'm not spiritually fit... that stuff bothers me... So it's time
to put forth the action and get with my Higher Power. Having
that God conciousness,,, makes all of the difference.

Be who God wants You to be. AND WALK IN IT.

_________________

AthorityAngel

[Chy]

Great thread Pauline!

As a people pleaser myself I can relate. Now pass me some of that courage! I still have a problem being steadfast in my convictions and always give in.

With time, with time! Afterall I am still new to this sobriety thing!