scared

[cfo]

hi... I am not sure who I am writing to... I am not very chat board literate... but I need support.... I have been battling alcohol most of my life. when I was 14 and in boarding school a classmate was abducted and murdered and my mother came to wash. d.c. (where the school was) to "support" me... but we spent the weekend in the hotel drinking martinis and smoking cigarettes... my parents are big "waspy" drinkers. I don't drink to get drunk at all, I just love the taste and the very short term warmth. but I know if it's not already killing me it will. I have unbelievable tolerance. I am 49. have consumed alcohol HEAVILY every night for almost 30 years. my liver is fine, no shakes, no this, no that but I know it is going to catch up with me... and I waste ALOT of time with just sipping away.
I need to hear from others like me... my family, all big drinkers, just don't understand...my aunt killed herself as a result of alcohol. my family is full of alcoholics historically, but when it came to me, everyone said "what's wrong with you, why can't you drink?"
help.

[51anna]

Hi cfo,

I moved your post to a thread of its own, so others would see it.

I think you need to do whatever you think is right. If your family supports you, that's good, but if not, you still need to be true to yourself. Addiction is not something that is easily understood by other people and that's one of the reasons that I come to SR. Here, people understand.

[cfo]

hi anna,
thanks for writing.
I am still a bit confused about this posting thing... i.e. when you say moved my posting to a thread of its own... not sure how to participate (sorry for being a chat dolt!)
anyway, my family is not at all supportive in a real way... i.e. they acknowledge my situation but drinking remains the highlight of their lives.
my son, 24, does support me.
again, drinking for me I think is habit and taste, not about getting drunk or high... and because I have huge tolerance, I know it is probably going to kill me... and for some reason I am in denial about its harmful effects, and that I don't really need it (i.e. I am not a social drinker... I don't need a drink in my hands to participate) only contributes to the denial of the physical effect on me.
it has more of an emotional effect. if I drink I don't really do anything. I think I am (I'm a writer) but I'm really not. and as I get older, my huge tolerance is getting less, and I just don't want to even DEAL with drinking in any way....
I feel so pathetic. and I feel so alone. but I know I am neither.
thank you again for writing
can you explain a little bit about the posting thing and "the separate thread"
thank you again so much.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Hi,

You'll get a lot of support here. Think about yourself first right now, then worry bout the rest later..

Keep posting!

Karen

[cfo]

hi karen,
thanks...
I think I will
I 'm just trying to figure out the posting logistics

[51anna]

You're doing great with the posting.

I moved your earlier post because it was on the end of someone else's thread and I thought it wouldn't get noticed.

If there are any questions, just ask!

I also felt so completely alone, lost and ashamed. It was just awful, but we do understand and you don't have to continue on that road.

[CarolD]

Welcome and Hello....

Here is the deal....if your drinking is causing you a problem
any type of problem ...then you need to address the drinking.

I started on my sobriety journey at 48..actually quit at 52.
Depression drove me to seek AA recovery.
I had no physicall need to quit...but my mind was saturated from
years of drinking. I detested the woman I had become.

Are you ready to stop drinking?
You might want to ask your doctor on how to
de tox safely if you are.

Please click on this link for info on alcoholism

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence")

Let us know how you are doing because we do understand

[cfo]

hi carol,
thanks for the info about detoxing... this may sound so strange but I have and can and do stop drinking for days on end and suffer no ill effects from the withdrawal... even when I have been in rehab they have been amazed at the condition of my liver, my heart, my cholesterol etc. is like a 20 yr olds (my last rehab dr. told me) but the lure of the "taste" NOT the "buzz" gets me every time and I think that adds to my denial.... I know I can drink and drink and drink and totaly function but at 50 I am so worried about the future costs but I can't seem to get out of the emotional denial that knows intellectually what horrible things await me if I keep drinking... plus, I although it's just about taste, the actual effects on my 50 yr old bod just aren't worth dealing with anymore...but coming from a family that drinks on every possible occasion and a wrold that celebrates drinking it's hard to stay tight to the understanding that you just can't do that kind of drinking anymore...and the hard part is that I don't use it as a social crutch, I just love the taste of alcohol so much.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Ok. Here's an example for you.

I LOVE shellfish. Lobster, shrimp, mussels, crab, you name it I crave it! Any time I went out for a nice dinner, I would order shellfish.

Last year, after eating shellfish, I got hives all over my face and chest, then I found I wasn't breathing very well. After the first time it happened, thought it was a fluke, so next time out to dinner, ordered shrimp, same thing happened, but worse. And the third time..it was even worse to the point where I said, "hey, I think I have an allergy to shellfish". So, I don't eat shellfish cause I figure next time that I do, I'm going to have to go to the ER and possibly STOP breathing altogether.

My point? Do I enjoy the taste of shellfish. Heck yeah! Am I going to eat it? Heck no! I like being alive. I apply this knowledge to my drinking. I did enjoy the taste of a good merlot...

I like to think that my HP gave me that allergy, so that I would know what giving up something that I enjoyed IN ORDER TO SAVE MY LIFE felt like.

Karen

[Justme57]

Hi cfo and welcome to SR! So glad you found us !

my name is Leigh and I am a 61 year old alcoholic, i only put the drink down 4 years ago, after drinking for over 30 years

like you , I never had many outward symptoms either, tho , if I am honest i did have the shakes at times. I also went through periods of "health time" and didnt drink, LOL but my mind was consumed with how I "wasn't drinking' when i could reasonably start again, how to do it ect

I dont remember ever having a hangover, and it wasnt til I started going to AA that someone suggested that really I never actually got rid of the booze in my system I was sooo indignant ! LOL

What I did have , was an empty soul! I was fearful of God knows what , all the time, lonely , depressed , and numb. it wasnt til I had some recovery under my belt, that I realised that these feelings were BECAUSE I drank, not the REASON I drank

So welcome to SR, and keep posting you are doing fine , for me , AA was the answer , and taught me to enjoy a sober life , I do wish you well in your journey

HUGX
Leigh

[CarolD]

Just read the link please.
Then you can decide if you need to quit drinking.

If you are contented with your situation as it is...
that's great!

Blessings

[Wii]

Hi cfo. I am not sober today because I ate too many M + M s. I am sober today because my life was a mess and if I didn't stop when I did I'd be dead now. I'd like to live a few more years. I started drinking after my daughter was born, at around 6 months. Lack of sleep and no help and an abusive husband made me want to escape if even only for a few hours a night. Then I drank to pass out. It was a mess that lasted over 20 years. I lost everything. Today I am alone, sober for 15 + years and trying to live a decent life. If I was still drinking, as I said, I'd be dead by now.

BUT if you think you may have a problem then you probably do.

OK, that's about all I have to say right now Except..................

What the hell is this??? ------>>>> :caveman <<<<< ----- That's Hysterical!!

[Fluttering]

CFO

hi and welcome..You are in the right place..

Loads of support and encouragement here as well as tons of Experience, Strength and HOPE.I have been in recovery from alcohol and drugs for over 21 years. We do this deal one day at a time....in early recovery I had to break it down into even smaller increments and do it one heart beat at a time..I slowly progressed to one hour at a time...then by the grace of my Higher Popowefr was able to string the days together..
I hope you post often and allow us to love and support you. It is a "WE" program. None of us could do this on our own. we support each other.

Thank you for joining us on this tremendous journey

Many hugs