I feel invisible

[LegalLady]

Just looking for some support. Drink alone and watch TV.
Want to stop. Just saying hello and feeling invisible.

[Rowan]

Hi and welcome,

Are you looking for help with your drinking? This is a great place to start. Please keep posting. We do care.

[LegalLady]

Yest I'm looking for help, for a long time but not too succesful, thanks. I like your Halloween House.

[Anna]

Hi Legal Lady,

Welcome!

I used to feel invisible in my house too. You have found a great place to come for support and information.

[nandm]

I am glad you are here. Realizing there are alternatives to a life of drinking is a start on a solution to a drinking problem.

I can relate to feeling invisible. I felt that way on many levels. The majority of my life I felt like I was alone in a crowd. It is not a good feeling to be in a room full of people and still be lonely. Not know what to say, be too afraid to speak, afraid I might say the wrong thing and look stupid, etc....

Another way I felt invisible was the fact that I had become such a good actor. I had put on a front for the world to see for so long that I knew no one had any idea who I really was. I hated that feeling but did not know how to change it.

I am fortunate that I have found a solution for my feelings of invisibility. I no longer feel alone in a crowd, I am not worried about saying the wrong thing, I feel comfortable walking up to someone and starting a conversation. I am no longer the actor. Who I am on the inside better matches who I am on the outside. It feels so much better.

For me it took stopping drinking. The way I did that was through A.A. which also helped me find me again. It taught me more than just how to put a cork in the jug. I now have a life that is not full of loneliness. I am very grateful for my life today.

Keep posting. We are glad you are here.

[CarolD]

Glad you have reached out to us...
Welcome!

Now you have new friends who understand
Please keep posting with us..

[LegalLady]

Thanks Anne, Thanks Carol. I'm going to a counselor now but that's about it. I'm usually okay until I get home and alone. I'm kinda a martyr but working on steps to stop punishing myself. Hope to hear some good things here

[LegalLady]

Thanks Nandm been to AA many times. Felt very invisbile there. I knew I fit in but I still attracted some wrong people or no people even approach me and when I approach them I felt I did something wrong.
So here I am everyone. So what do I say that will make people understand and see me without seeing me. Ha.

[Rowan]

Hi again - I'm glad you like my Halloween house - I think it's cool!

I just got back from a noon AA meeting and am writing from work. It's a good break in the day for me, and an opportunity to connect with others in recovery.

Coming here and posting is a great idea, especially if you find yourself drinking when you're alone. Why not come here instead and continue to talk about it?

[LegalLady]

What would I talk about. I really don't do anything but sit at home on the couch and drink and think and drink and think. Sounds pretty stupid.

[Rowan]

That's exactly what it was like for me, especially towards the end. Sit and drink, and think. What's one thing that you can do differently?
Recovery is possible, no matter what. I'm glad you found us, Legal Lady!
Come on over to the Newcomers Forum if you like, there's quite a bit of activity there, and lots of good reading.

[Harley3801]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

been to AA many times. Felt very invisbile there. I knew I fit in but I still attracted some wrong people or no people even approach me and when I approach them I felt I did something wrong.
So here I am everyone. So what do I say that will make people understand and see me without seeing me. Ha.

Welcome Legal Lady . . . I often felt invisible in AA. Sometimes I still do. But darn it, I decided a long time ago that nothing was going to stand in the way of my being sober.

I'm glad you found us.

[Surlyredhead]

Hello and Welcome from the surly one too!!! You are so not alone, my professional drinking days were alone too!!! We are here for you...

Cathy

[Lily]

Welcome Legal Lady! I am new here too. I actually have 10 days clean today. You can do this, one day at a time. Why don't you start tomorrow? Sheila

[WLDKATZ]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

Thanks Nandm been to AA many times. Felt very invisbile there. I knew I fit in but I still attracted some wrong people or no people even approach me and when I approach them I felt I did something wrong.
So here I am everyone. So what do I say that will make people understand and see me without seeing me. Ha.

OMFG THAT IS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so sorry, this thread just caught my eye.....Hello Legal I am Pamm and we have ALOT in common.......I know EXACTLY what your going threw.....a little back ground....
I am working on a Masters degree in Political Science.........online all of my classes this semester( thank God because I ended up pg by a one night stand wish I could of said I was drunk but......dealing with it....btw I am at day 133 I believe.....and it is awsome! ok most days!) long story short.....I work in the legal and political arenas in my home town........how many legal social invites have you accepted where EVERYONE has a drink in hand? It is just accepted right??? How many have you seen say no I am an alcoholic but thanks for thinking of me......

I garentee you that there are tons out there with just the same problem as us......
I am an alcoholic......and the path I walk is a narrow one......still trying to figure out how I could go to work everyday and help put away some of my best buds( that ment I typed up the paper work at the end of the day for a judge......)I was a para legal who was sitting on city council and traveling with the movers and shakers, then after work getting my dope from the very same people I was typing up....

Then go home to an empty house with my score on me that hadn't been finished after a long night of partying with the people I worked with........to finish off what was left because I was board......I was alone and couldn't face me........

I found a new AA meeting place and was ASTONISHED!!!!!! There were other JUDGES who were there and going threw what I was going threw only they were further out.........They were me in 10 years! I promise you that there is bound to be one of these meetings near you they are doctors lawyers polititions even!!!! They KNOW who you are.....they can relate that deeply at times!!! That is now my home group...has been for almost 3 months or so now...... But make sure you find a place that fits you!!! You are so not alone in this fight!!!

I think with you being smart enough and all you'll figure it out......and remeber to open your mouth....never seen wallpaper talk myself......go early to a meeting and stand by the coffee pot........offer to help out and for petes sake....communicate....relate......don't hesitate.....and please keep posting!
BTW I tend to ramble...........lol and I am a nut of SR but I wouldn't be here today without the friends I have made on here including most that have posted so far!!!!!

Remember don't put off tomarrow what you can do today........all you have to do is just go dump it out.....then come back here and tell us more about you.....it occupies your time and I garentee you won't be invisable here!!!!! And still retain your safty net of no one knowing who you are unless you tell them!

Please keep comming back....

[indigo]

Welcome Legal lady and Sheila you're both going to find a lot of support and unconditional love here. I too have felt invisible in my drinking/using days. Today I can see myself and I'm liking more and more what I see. I never ever thought I(d be saying that. Sobriety rocks and is so worth it.

hugs to you both

[LegalLady]

Its funny, you all make it sound so easy. But I've been struggling for years. Its just spiraling worse now I can see. But even AA people make it sound easy. Its like you get it or you don't. You know. I heard only 10 percent. I do notice something though, stupid people are not alchoholics. Alcoholics think they are stupid. At least I do. But, its like I just don't want to feel anything. And then when I drink to not feel I feel like crap so I'm feeling something anyway, which seems so stupid. This is such a vicious circle. And I have terrible typos cause I'm at work and don't want to get busted. Anyway depression with this is horrible. I don't even want to brush my teeth. How gross is that. but i did this morning. in case you all think you smell my breath. PU

[Anna]

It's a horrible vicious cycle and I remember vividly thinking I'd never get out of it. Take the step you need. Make one change and you begin to break the cycle. Don't drink today, go home a different way, go for a long walk, listen to some music, to to your dr and talk about your depression. Just do one thing for yourself.

[Rowan]

I understand that it sounds easy when you're looking at it from the other side. In early sobriety (and beyond) I felt like everyone was speaking a different language and figured there was no way I was going to be able to do this thing. And yes, it's a vicious cycle. I was terribly depressed and would drink to escape but then I felt even worse when I sobered up. I hated myself and tried to hang myself shortly before getting sober. I relapsed twice with booze, once with pills, went to rehab, and tried again. It was anything but easy - I was suicidal many times in sobriety. But I listened to everyone who urged me not to drink, just for today.
I too was discouraged by the statistics - it's a grim reminder of how few of us actually make it - but that doesn't mean that we don't try! You can beat the odds.

[LegalLady]

The Halloween stuff makes me smile on here. I used to love Halloween. Sometimes I feel awkward enjoying things. Which also keeps me drinking and depressed. When I find myself laughing or enjoying something I feel like my face is distorted or something and I look stupid. So I just kinda stop. Its weird. But I do like the Halloween pictures.

[Rowan]

I love Halloween - and I love changing my avatar and signature to suit the season or my mood!
I used to feel like I didn't deserve to feel good. Thank God that has changed.

[discoveringme]

welcome legalLady! Actually, its funny to be welcoming someone since I am so new myself. Your posts could have been my own! Then I realized that everyone on here says practically the same thing! We All have so much in common and one person's story is probably like a million others, but that doesn't make us invisible...we do that ourselves. I, too, feel invisible, amost every day. I live in a house with a mostly absent husband, and two sons who are 17 and 19. I sit alone in my room and drink. I have started over several times in the last two weeks and just startred coming here a week or two ago. Today is day one. I am sober today. I wasnt yesterday, and today I have a sore back and bruises on my arms. NO IDEA what happened. Remember calling in sick to work though. I feel your struggle, so strongly. I ALMOST went to a meeting today, even looked up online where to go. But thats as far as I got. I am so ashamed and embarrassed. Please keep posting. Your words may even help someone like me!!! Hugs!

[Fluttering]

You are not invinsible to the Great Spirit that led you here

Sending warm thoughts .

This is a great place to get support, love and encouragement.
Hope you stick around

[zoomer]

Hi legal lady, nothing good comes easy. I'v been sober three years and I still get cravings to drink. That is why AA is a one day at a time program because you never know what day your going to feel like a drink or ten LOL. I too have been going to AA for many years. Sometimes I feel a connection and sometimes I don't. I feel the don't part is just my alcoholism trying to get me to go back out. I go to AA to stay sober and if I make a friend or two then that is a bonus. I give out my phone number and get numbers,but don't really use them except for my sponcer because I'm shy too. That is why on-line recovery is good for me because I'm not that shy when it comes to posting. I'v relapsed before the three years,and in my book a person gets as many chances as it takes until they die. I did not go to rehab the last relaps because alls they are going to tell you to do is to go to AA,but it was hard! Again nothing good comes easy. I did it the old fashion way and that is by going to 90/90,got a sponcer and really started to work the steps. I made coffee my first three months because I needed to be responcible for my own recovery and by suiting up and showing up to make coffee for folks made me feel good about myself. I also made cookies because i needed that praise that I was doing something good. I also read the big book and other books on being sober and keeping sober and surrounded myself with AA because in rehab that's what they do. I also sought help and got a good shrink because I needed help with my depression and manic moods. I can say today I'm a 100% better than I was. O I still have room for improvement,but it's progress not perfection. Today I make it to one or two meetings a week,but am online everyday for my recovery. I work and go to school and take care of my kids. I have a full life more so than i did when I was drinking. When I drank I just sat at home wishing I could get out of my own hell. I changed people places and things in order for me to change too and did a lot of work on the inside. I use to let the outside world bother me,now I just mind my own stuff and take care of what is in my own world. I no longer fight any person,place or thing and do avoid any thing that will upset my world. At anyrate, I do hope you get sober. There are many ways to get sober,but you did the first step in admitting you have a problem. Now what is your plan of action? The phone is a good way to start. Call an AA hot line, call a rehab, call a doctor or a shrink. Don't have money? AA is free! There is a whole world out there just for us addictive people. Do something before it's too late,your worth it!

[indigo]

How's it going LL? I hope that you will keep posting. I made a carreer out of drinking and drugs, that lasted more years than I can remember, no it's not easy, still when you hit bottom it's not as hard as we think.

hugs