Hi... I'm new, and wanted to say hello - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Bella_Fox · 10-12-2007, 02:05 PM

Hello...

I'm new here, and wanted to introduce myself. I hope this isn't too long...

My (nick)name's Bella, and I'm a 31-year-old from the Boston area. I haven't had a drink since 2001.

I started drinking at the age of 15 and, although I was never a daily drinker, I was a big partier (and, in my 20s, worked in the alcohol- and drug-fueled music industry), and never went out without getting completely wasted. I didn't see it as a problem until my friends started getting mad at me, as they were tired of babysitting, and often had to leave clubs or parties early because I was so inebriated that I had to go home (or, in some cases, was kicked out).

Around the age of 25, I entered therapy for an eating disorder and it was at that point that my therapist at the time informed me that I was also an alcoholic. I laughed it off, because I didn't think my behavior related to what I had always heard about alcoholism. I was under the mistaken impression that I was too young, that since I didn't drink every day, and I hadn't lost my job or ruined anyone else's life, then certainly I couldn't be an alcoholic. But I started reading up on the different types of substance abuse and alcoholism and finally realized that, yeah, I fit the bill.

At my therapist's behest, I attended an AA meeting. I felt completely out of place because everyone there was so much older than me, that I never went again. Sometime, later that year, I stopped on my own. I can probably attribute that mainly to the fact that I ended up moving back home for awhile to deal with my eating disorder, so I was under the watchful eye of my parents. In addition, I left the music industry behind.

Over the last six years, I've done pretty well in terms of staying sober. There have been plenty of times where I've struggled, but I've never actually taken a drink. I've stayed far away from clubs, as well as people who do a lot of partying, because I'm afraid that the temptation would be too great. I also worked really hard at getting my ED under control, and I'm happy to say that I'm doing MUCH better in that regard (although the shadow of disordered eating will always loom).

Anyway, things were going decently until April of this year. In quick succession, my four-year-relationship ended (in spectacular fashion), I got laid off from work at a marketing firm (they were having some internal and financial troubles), and then my health took a nosedive (emergency gallbladder surgery, followed immediately by a sinus infection and cough, which lead to what they believe may be a hernia -- I'm currently waiting to see what's going to happen).

So not only am I stressed, but I'm also going through some changes after the fallout of my relationship. It's complicated, and I won't get into it here to great detail, but I wasn't quite myself for the course our time together. He had grown up a very shy, sheltered kid and became a very unworldly, somewhat naive adult. Thus, we didn't really discuss my past. He, of course, knew some things -- but I didn't really elaborate, and usually tried to change the subject if it came up. Hence, I spent four years pretending that a huge part of me (for good or for bad) had never existed. I guess I wanted him to think that I was as pure as he was.

Now that it's over, the newfound freedom I'm feeling is having a strange effect. On the one hand, I'm reclaiming some wonderful parts of myself that I had squelched because of him; on the other, it's almost as though I'm going backwards, as I feel a sudden urge to get back in touch with my wild side again -- perhaps because I'd denied its existence for so long. And, of course, this has made me start craving the drink.

I'm so happy to be single again and to have the chance to be whole once more -- but I'm terrified that I'm going to react to this sudden freedom by falling off the edge. That's why I'm here. I think I need to get myself in check before I do something I'll regret.

So, that's the nutshell version of why I'm here. I'm hoping that I can find support here at SR -- and maybe even some new friends. I've never really had the opportunity to talk with or get to know others who've been through the same battle, and I think it's time.

If you managed to get through this entire post, wow... I really appreciate it.

Justme57 · 10-12-2007, 02:15 PM

Hi bella , and welcome!

Congrats on your sober time .
You have certainly had some changes to contend with.
Why notgive AA another try, ifonly for the understanding , and support you can gain there .
I have been in AA 4 years now, and like you , initially , I felt I had nothing in common with many members, butI found that everyone there , from the teens to the senoirs, male and female, had experienced a commonality of "feelings".

My biggest support now , are a couple of friends from AA who couldnt be further apart LOL A girl of 32 and a man of 73 ,( am 61) but I find that i can ring both of them if I am feeling "unsettled" and share so well.

You dont have to do this alone. I can only imagine how lost you must feel, it only takes a change in my work roster to cause me to be in a "snit"

Lots of luck with it
HUGX
Leigh

Bella_Fox · 10-12-2007, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justme57

Hi bella , and welcome!

Congrats on your sober time .
You have certainly had some changes to contend with.
Why notgive AA another try, ifonly for the understanding , and support you can gain there .
I have been in AA 4 years now, and like you , initially , I felt I had nothing in common with many members, butI found that everyone there , from the teens to the senoirs, male and female, had experienced a commonality of "feelings".

My biggest support now , are a couple of friends from AA who couldnt be further apart LOL A girl of 32 and a man of 73 ,( am 61) but I find that i can ring both of them if I am feeling "unsettled" and share so well.

You dont have to do this alone. I can only imagine how lost you must feel, it only takes a change in my work roster to cause me to be in a "snit"

Lots of luck with it
HUGX
Leigh

Hi, Leigh -- thanks for the welcome!

I've been considering the idea of attending A.A. again, but I just can't seem to commit to it yet. I know it would probably help, but going would also require me to "officially" accept that I'm struggling... if that makes sense. I'm very internal, and the idea of doing more than brooding over it privately or talking about it from the anonymous vantage point of an online forum scares me.

Justme57 · 10-12-2007, 02:44 PM

yep! I know how you feel Bella, I used to feel exactly the same
And , yes, it does mean that you will have to accept it, and THAT is the key to sucess!

"acceptance is the key"

it doesnt mean that you have to shout it from the rooftops, but you DO have to accept it inside you .
i found that that was when i stopped fighting it , and the obsession left me. i was about 5 months sober, and I heard a long time sober member share : he said
"[i]you can do ANYTHING in this life , except drink alcohol" and that did it for me .

How important is drinking , in the big picture ?

It was only when i finally gave up, that I started my new life , and it is fantastic

it takes time to come to that place , but you can do it, and once you do, you will feel so free, and also you will have choices to change
HUGX
leigh

GailJ · 10-12-2007, 04:26 PM

Just wanted to say Welcome to the forum, The people here are fantastic support and there are so many area's were you can talk about things that are effecting you. Take your time explore the forums here and your sure to make many friends.

**51anna** · 10-12-2007, 04:42 PM

Hi Bella and Welcome,

It sounds like you're talking about balance. Balance has become a key word in my life since I have been in recovery. In a nutshell, I grew up in an abusive home and became a people-pleaser. When I got married and had kids, the little bits of me that I had known, became completely lost. So, when I got sober, the real me began to emerge and I realized that I needed to find balance so I wouldn't be lost again. For me it means exercise of some kind, meditation or 'talking to myself' and connecting with my spirit, every day.

I think you will find your balance as time goes by. You're dealing with a lot right now and it's bound to be very stressful, so try to be kind to yourself and move forward slowly. There is lots of support here, so keep posting.

Pilgrim · 10-12-2007, 04:49 PM

Welcome to SR Bella.

As my sober time grows, I am starting to look at drinking as being sort of an odd thing to do.

**Rowan** · 10-12-2007, 05:09 PM

Hi Bella,

I'm glad you decided to join us. I go to AA, but I won't try to convince you to attend ha ha I know that it's not for everyone. But, I will say that I was 33 when I started attending, I'm 39 now, and I saw a lot of older folk, too. I think that was my way of trying to convince myself that I couldn't belong, I was too young, etc. So, either I've gotten old(er) or I've become more accepting. I think it's a bit of both!

Anyway.

I'm very glad you decided to post, and hope that you continue to do so. I've made some wonderful friends here, and hope that is your experience also.

Bella_Fox · 10-12-2007, 05:13 PM

Thank you all for words of wisdom (and warm welcome). Balance really is what I need, I suppose. Right now, I'm feeling a strong pull toward a previous lifestyle because of how it made me feel -- which is a freedom I haven't felt in four years. It's more complicated than just that, of course, and there's some stuff that I'm working through with my therapist right now (he's awesome; I've been seeing him for about three years), but yes, the key component is "balance."

I just hope I find it.

I will DEFINITELY consider attending A.A. again. I've been mulling it over for awhile.

**Rowan** · 10-12-2007, 07:39 PM

Who is the good looking guy as your avi and sig line, Bella?

Oh, btw I ended a relationship a couple of months ago - (three, actually! yikes!) and it's been the hardest thing I have encountered in recovery. It's taken time to get used to being single again, while still in recovery, but it's happening, slow but sure.

Bella_Fox · 10-12-2007, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

Who is the good looking guy as your avi and sig line, Bella?

Oh, btw I ended a relationship a couple of months ago - (three, actually! yikes!) and it's been the hardest thing I have encountered in recovery. It's taken time to get used to being single again, while still in recovery, but it's happening, slow but sure.

That's my new boyfriend! Just kidding.

It's Matthew Fox.

Sorry to hear about the demise of your relationship. I hope you're doing well; if you ever need someone to commiserate with, I've got an ear!

**Rowan** · 10-12-2007, 08:07 PM

*sigh* he's a babe.

Thanks for the offer of an ear - as painful as ending the relationship was, it was definitely the right thing to do.

Take care, hope to hear from you again soon.

**CarolD** · 10-12-2007, 08:21 PM

Welcome and Hello!

Here is what I feel about AA
it gives me purpose...joy and friends!
AA=Awesome Adventure

Well done on your sober time!

Bella_Fox · 10-12-2007, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rowan

*sigh* he's a babe.

Thanks for the offer of an ear - as painful as ending the relationship was, it was definitely the right thing to do.

Take care, hope to hear from you again soon.

Yeah, isn't he delicious? Lives up to his last name. I've got the biggest crush on him. Catch an episode of LOST sometime to see him in action.

And you know what? Ending my relationship was also a good thing -- and I'm happier, but it was still hard.

Thanks for the welcome, CarolD! I do hear good things about A.A...

***indigo*** · 10-13-2007, 06:15 AM

Hi Welcome to SR and congratulations on your sober time, take a look around our forums and get yourself aquainted with us. We have fun here too.

Bella_Fox · 10-13-2007, 11:41 AM

Thanks, Indigo.

Harley3801 · 10-13-2007, 07:24 PM

.
Welcome Bella!

And congrats on your sober time.

I know you're getting a lot of suggestions about trying AA . . . and without sounding too repetitive . . . It just might help you with your struggle. You don't need to make a commitment to the program until you check it out again. If it isn't what you want or need you can try something else. The key is to try something.

Bella_Fox · 10-13-2007, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Harley3801

.
Welcome Bella!

And congrats on your sober time.

I know you're getting a lot of suggestions about trying AA . . . and without sounding too repetitive . . . It just might help you with your struggle. You don't need to make a commitment to the program until you check it out again. If it isn't what you want or need you can try something else. The key is to try something.

You're right. I just need to find the motivation. But that's me -- I have to really "get there," emotionally and mentally, before I finally do something like that.

By the way, Harley -- I see you're in Buck's County, PA. One of my favorite photographers, Kathleen Connally, is from there, and has a photoblog with the most stunning images. It looks like such a gorgeous place!

tanyapmc · 10-13-2007, 11:16 PM

Hi and welcome to SR. I am glad your here. Congrats on your sobriety. That is awesome. I too go to AA. It is working for me.

And Yes Matthew (is a) fox!!!

Bella_Fox · 10-13-2007, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tanyapmc

Hi and welcome to SR. I am glad your here. Congrats on your sobriety. That is awesome. I too go to AA. It is working for me.

And Yes Matthew (is a) fox!!!

Prettiest man alive...

Thanks for the welcome!

Fluttering · 10-14-2007, 05:55 PM

Hi Bella

great to see you

thank you for joining us on this journey

Bella_Fox · 10-14-2007, 08:55 PM

Thanks, Fluttering.

10-12-2007, 02:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bella_Fox To thine own self, be true Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 69	Hi... I'm new, and wanted to say hello Hello... I'm new here, and wanted to introduce myself. I hope this isn't too long... My (nick)name's Bella, and I'm a 31-year-old from the Boston area. I haven't had a drink since 2001. I started drinking at the age of 15 and, although I was never a daily drinker, I was a big partier (and, in my 20s, worked in the alcohol- and drug-fueled music industry), and never went out without getting completely wasted. I didn't see it as a problem until my friends started getting mad at me, as they were tired of babysitting, and often had to leave clubs or parties early because I was so inebriated that I had to go home (or, in some cases, was kicked out). Around the age of 25, I entered therapy for an eating disorder and it was at that point that my therapist at the time informed me that I was also an alcoholic. I laughed it off, because I didn't think my behavior related to what I had always heard about alcoholism. I was under the mistaken impression that I was too young, that since I didn't drink every day, and I hadn't lost my job or ruined anyone else's life, then certainly I couldn't be an alcoholic. But I started reading up on the different types of substance abuse and alcoholism and finally realized that, yeah, I fit the bill. At my therapist's behest, I attended an AA meeting. I felt completely out of place because everyone there was so much older than me, that I never went again. Sometime, later that year, I stopped on my own. I can probably attribute that mainly to the fact that I ended up moving back home for awhile to deal with my eating disorder, so I was under the watchful eye of my parents. In addition, I left the music industry behind. Over the last six years, I've done pretty well in terms of staying sober. There have been plenty of times where I've struggled, but I've never actually taken a drink. I've stayed far away from clubs, as well as people who do a lot of partying, because I'm afraid that the temptation would be too great. I also worked really hard at getting my ED under control, and I'm happy to say that I'm doing MUCH better in that regard (although the shadow of disordered eating will always loom). Anyway, things were going decently until April of this year. In quick succession, my four-year-relationship ended (in spectacular fashion), I got laid off from work at a marketing firm (they were having some internal and financial troubles), and then my health took a nosedive (emergency gallbladder surgery, followed immediately by a sinus infection and cough, which lead to what they believe may be a hernia -- I'm currently waiting to see what's going to happen). So not only am I stressed, but I'm also going through some changes after the fallout of my relationship. It's complicated, and I won't get into it here to great detail, but I wasn't quite myself for the course our time together. He had grown up a very shy, sheltered kid and became a very unworldly, somewhat naive adult. Thus, we didn't really discuss my past. He, of course, knew some things -- but I didn't really elaborate, and usually tried to change the subject if it came up. Hence, I spent four years pretending that a huge part of me (for good or for bad) had never existed. I guess I wanted him to think that I was as pure as he was. Now that it's over, the newfound freedom I'm feeling is having a strange effect. On the one hand, I'm reclaiming some wonderful parts of myself that I had squelched because of him; on the other, it's almost as though I'm going backwards, as I feel a sudden urge to get back in touch with my wild side again -- perhaps because I'd denied its existence for so long. And, of course, this has made me start craving the drink. I'm so happy to be single again and to have the chance to be whole once more -- but I'm terrified that I'm going to react to this sudden freedom by falling off the edge. That's why I'm here. I think I need to get myself in check before I do something I'll regret. So, that's the nutshell version of why I'm here. I'm hoping that I can find support here at SR -- and maybe even some new friends. I've never really had the opportunity to talk with or get to know others who've been through the same battle, and I think it's time. If you managed to get through this entire post, wow... I really appreciate it. __________________

10-12-2007, 02:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
Justme57 Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Melbourne victoria Posts: 1,980 Blog Entries: 7	Hi bella , and welcome! Congrats on your sober time . You have certainly had some changes to contend with. Why notgive AA another try, ifonly for the understanding , and support you can gain there . I have been in AA 4 years now, and like you , initially , I felt I had nothing in common with many members, butI found that everyone there , from the teens to the senoirs, male and female, had experienced a commonality of "feelings". My biggest support now , are a couple of friends from AA who couldnt be further apart LOL A girl of 32 and a man of 73 ,( am 61) but I find that i can ring both of them if I am feeling "unsettled" and share so well. You dont have to do this alone. I can only imagine how lost you must feel, it only takes a change in my work roster to cause me to be in a "snit" Lots of luck with it HUGX Leigh __________________

10-12-2007, 02:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Justme57 Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Melbourne victoria Posts: 1,980 Blog Entries: 7	yep! I know how you feel Bella, I used to feel exactly the same And , yes, it does mean that you will have to accept it, and THAT is the key to sucess! "acceptance is the key" it doesnt mean that you have to shout it from the rooftops, but you DO have to accept it inside you . i found that that was when i stopped fighting it , and the obsession left me. i was about 5 months sober, and I heard a long time sober member share : he said "[i]you can do ANYTHING in this life , except drink alcohol" and that did it for me . How important is drinking , in the big picture ? It was only when i finally gave up, that I started my new life , and it is fantastic it takes time to come to that place , but you can do it, and once you do, you will feel so free, and also you will have choices to change HUGX leigh __________________

10-12-2007, 04:26 PM	#5 (permalink)
GailJ Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Ontario Posts: 471	Just wanted to say Welcome to the forum, The people here are fantastic support and there are so many area's were you can talk about things that are effecting you. Take your time explore the forums here and your sure to make many friends. __________________ May Joy and Happiness Find You.

10-12-2007, 04:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
51anna Forum Leader Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 11,160	Hi Bella and Welcome, It sounds like you're talking about balance. Balance has become a key word in my life since I have been in recovery. In a nutshell, I grew up in an abusive home and became a people-pleaser. When I got married and had kids, the little bits of me that I had known, became completely lost. So, when I got sober, the real me began to emerge and I realized that I needed to find balance so I wouldn't be lost again. For me it means exercise of some kind, meditation or 'talking to myself' and connecting with my spirit, every day. I think you will find your balance as time goes by. You're dealing with a lot right now and it's bound to be very stressful, so try to be kind to yourself and move forward slowly. There is lots of support here, so keep posting. __________________ Anna "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

10-12-2007, 04:49 PM	#7 (permalink)
Pilgrim Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: New Zealand Posts: 1,541	Welcome to SR Bella. As my sober time grows, I am starting to look at drinking as being sort of an odd thing to do.

10-12-2007, 05:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
Rowan Lucky Cracka Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 9,021 Blog Entries: 1	Hi Bella, I'm glad you decided to join us. I go to AA, but I won't try to convince you to attend ha ha I know that it's not for everyone. But, I will say that I was 33 when I started attending, I'm 39 now, and I saw a lot of older folk, too. I think that was my way of trying to convince myself that I couldn't belong, I was too young, etc. So, either I've gotten old(er) or I've become more accepting. I think it's a bit of both! Anyway. I'm very glad you decided to post, and hope that you continue to do so. I've made some wonderful friends here, and hope that is your experience also. __________________ *Christmas is cancelled.*

10-12-2007, 05:13 PM	#9 (permalink)
Bella_Fox To thine own self, be true Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 69	Thank you all for words of wisdom (and warm welcome). Balance really is what I need, I suppose. Right now, I'm feeling a strong pull toward a previous lifestyle because of how it made me feel -- which is a freedom I haven't felt in four years. It's more complicated than just that, of course, and there's some stuff that I'm working through with my therapist right now (he's awesome; I've been seeing him for about three years), but yes, the key component is "balance." I just hope I find it. I will DEFINITELY consider attending A.A. again. I've been mulling it over for awhile. __________________

10-12-2007, 07:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
Rowan Lucky Cracka Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 9,021 Blog Entries: 1	Who is the good looking guy as your avi and sig line, Bella? Oh, btw I ended a relationship a couple of months ago - (three, actually! yikes!) and it's been the hardest thing I have encountered in recovery. It's taken time to get used to being single again, while still in recovery, but it's happening, slow but sure. __________________ *Christmas is cancelled.*

10-12-2007, 08:07 PM	#12 (permalink)
Rowan Lucky Cracka Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 9,021 Blog Entries: 1	sigh he's a babe. Thanks for the offer of an ear - as painful as ending the relationship was, it was definitely the right thing to do. Take care, hope to hear from you again soon. __________________ *Christmas is cancelled.*

10-12-2007, 08:21 PM	#13 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA Posts: 15,398	Welcome and Hello! Here is what I feel about AA it gives me purpose...joy and friends! AA=Awesome Adventure Well done on your sober time! __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

10-13-2007, 06:15 AM	#15 (permalink)
*indigo* Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,146	Hi Welcome to SR and congratulations on your sober time, take a look around our forums and get yourself aquainted with us. We have fun here too. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

10-13-2007, 11:41 AM	#16 (permalink)
Bella_Fox To thine own self, be true Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 69	Thanks, Indigo. __________________

10-13-2007, 07:24 PM	#17 (permalink)
Harley3801 Day One's Can RIP!!! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Far & Wide Posts: 241	. Welcome Bella! And congrats on your sober time. I know you're getting a lot of suggestions about trying AA . . . and without sounding too repetitive . . . It just might help you with your struggle. You don't need to make a commitment to the program until you check it out again. If it isn't what you want or need you can try something else. The key is to try something. __________________ Harley When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "Happy." They told me I didn't understand the assignment. I told them they didn't understand life.

10-13-2007, 11:16 PM	#19 (permalink)
tanyapmc Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Nunyabusinessville, Texas Posts: 3,389 Blog Entries: 2	Hi and welcome to SR. I am glad your here. Congrats on your sobriety. That is awesome. I too go to AA. It is working for me. And Yes Matthew (is a) fox!!! __________________

10-14-2007, 05:55 PM	#21 (permalink)
Fluttering Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Fluttering About Posts: 2,710	Hi Bella great to see you thank you for joining us on this journey __________________

10-14-2007, 08:55 PM	#22 (permalink)
Bella_Fox To thine own self, be true Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 69	Thanks, Fluttering. __________________