Husband smoking pot again... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

seasea · 10-10-2007, 10:30 AM

hope this is not posted in the wrong area....i will try to give a short outline....i am sober (alcohol) for 1 year 6 months - my H is sober (alcohol) for 2 years...with about 5 years before that...so what at this point...his son is a alcoholic and pothead big time...H just got his license back in May 07 and started going down to see his son...son used to come up or I would take H down to see son and H would smoke pot...he had 1 big seizure while smoking (was on a daily basis for awhile) - seizures result of a brain injury 20 yrs ago..he has them sporadically over the years...he had tiny one over this past summer..once again..smoking pot the nite before and the morning of...SO HERE I AM...I thought we agreed that pot should not be in our lives as alcohol is ....is says he asked his son for some last fri....used then DROVE HOME over 90 miles late at nite and in the rain pulling a trailer...i work for an atty that handles crim law and in this county we see off to jail for a 1/4 pill without a RX bottle if you are pullled over and in possession of it.....we agreed that using and driving is bad news...he would go to jail(no money to get him out ) and get a longer time in because of his past DUIs (i fear)....SO #1 He made a very bad choice is using and driving...then he did not tell me until sat...that he brought it home.....and he wants to start smoking again....after much argument...I AM CONTROLLING HIM...he says...i need to let him be an individual...see Scott Peck..The road less traveled he says....LOVE IS individualism...he does not control me...i dont know if i can live with a user...i am not drawn to it..Now anyway and spoke of that as a reason I would hope he would choose not to use...i am devastated and devastated just --am i over reacting as he says...i have come to a decision to see how this goes...he was going to just to it on the weekend - no driving in the night time outside..(never mind worrying about the neighbors smelling it!!!) but lastnite he want to try some to help his intestines...i was holding onto it and hiding it...i ended up just giving it all to him at his request...demand...we have thrown the divorce word around a bit...i just cant seem to come to a decision about whether it bothers me or not...if it does..he will not stand for me "beating him up" over it...i just have to let it go and hope it does not become a problem>>WHAT THE HELL IS A PROBELM IF THIS IS NOT....i must just be overeacting...i must....a little here and there is ok..But wait...what is a little...every weekend...will he get more right away when he runs out of it....my life is mess or am i making it one....i had plans to go back to school part time...everything is on hold..not to mention we are close to having my daughter come and visit for a few hours i thought...it has taken her so long to accept H and me not being with her fulltime...now i can worry about her thinking he is (though he just could not when and if she came by)...pretty much cant do anything with him after he uses...just stay home...HELP.....i feel shell shocked and keeping thinking I should not make a big deal out of it..i operate in a fear based mode he says...and in some ways he is right..considering the marriage I left and the hard time in dealing with the EX...i have gotten so strong..sober...well...happy..good with my daughter...she sees that....it was me but his support helped also....and now this i feel betrayed...tks

***Anna*** · 10-10-2007, 05:40 PM

Hi,

What I sense from your post is that you're not quite ready to make a decision at this moment, and that's just fine. Take it day by day and see how it goes and see how you feel. My feeling is that it's not going to work, that you don't want him using anything around you, even if you can't quite say why. Most of all, take care of yourself and your relationship with your daughter.

CarolD · 10-10-2007, 06:15 PM

Welcome to SR....

I am so sorry this situation has popped into your life.
Congratulations on your sober time!

Blessings to all of you

discoveringme · 10-10-2007, 07:18 PM

Please don't think you are over reacting. Although I am new here, I believe that if it bothers you, it is a problem. It is so hard to stay sober when people in your family are not totally supportive. It can maybe be done, but I dunno. I only know that when I have been in recovery, and non-sober fiends start using, I start to "stinkin think" and wonder if I could use something else without a problem. I could easily be a compulsive/addictive gambler, shopper, worker, excerciser, ANYTHING. Addiction is addiction and I think we can easily switch addictions and tell ourselves its not a problem. So... I guess I am saying that you are NOT over reacting and that if "H" can't quit the pot, then he is still activly using and that is a danger to your sobriety. Just my 2 or 4 cents!!

indigo · 10-11-2007, 04:51 AM

Take it slowly, you'll get there. In the meantime please keep posting. Welcome to both you and to discovering.

recovering too · 10-18-2007, 05:10 PM

i fully understand what you are going through with the h smoking pott. my h is smoking pott and lets add to the situation. i have 11 years sober and he had 4 years. let him tell it he still is sober because his drugs of choice is alcohol and cocaine. he refuses to look for work because guess what he will have to grow up and stop smoking. i am a substance abuse counselor to top all of this off. does it seem as it i am co dependent too? this is a hard decision. do i end my marriage or do i support a husband who does not want to change and has let me know in so many words. i can tell you when you'r sick and tired, when the pain out weighs the pleasure you will beocme willing. i know for me i have reached that point and i need to be true to myself and our family. what he is doing is selfish and irresponsible.

recovering too
to thy own self be true:praying

lonlion · 10-18-2007, 06:54 PM

I can sure sympathize with your situation. The statistics of 2 partners in recovery when one relapses there is an 80% chance that the other one will. I do understand that pot was not your drug of choice though. It must be hard when you are with someone and get into recovery and you advance spiritually, emotionally and in recovery and they don't. I do agree with Anna though, you don't have to make a decision today. I also agree with recovering too that if and when you have had enough, you will take action to protect your own recovery and sanity. It is so sad when we have to let loved ones go when they are not on the same page as us, but sometimes thats what it takes for them to hit a true bottom. The issue is really you now though. Take care of yourself, and do what you need to do for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, must be challenging,
Diana

10-10-2007, 10:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
seasea Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: florida Posts: 12	Husband smoking pot again... hope this is not posted in the wrong area....i will try to give a short outline....i am sober (alcohol) for 1 year 6 months - my H is sober (alcohol) for 2 years...with about 5 years before that...so what at this point...his son is a alcoholic and pothead big time...H just got his license back in May 07 and started going down to see his son...son used to come up or I would take H down to see son and H would smoke pot...he had 1 big seizure while smoking (was on a daily basis for awhile) - seizures result of a brain injury 20 yrs ago..he has them sporadically over the years...he had tiny one over this past summer..once again..smoking pot the nite before and the morning of...SO HERE I AM...I thought we agreed that pot should not be in our lives as alcohol is ....is says he asked his son for some last fri....used then DROVE HOME over 90 miles late at nite and in the rain pulling a trailer...i work for an atty that handles crim law and in this county we see off to jail for a 1/4 pill without a RX bottle if you are pullled over and in possession of it.....we agreed that using and driving is bad news...he would go to jail(no money to get him out ) and get a longer time in because of his past DUIs (i fear)....SO #1 He made a very bad choice is using and driving...then he did not tell me until sat...that he brought it home.....and he wants to start smoking again....after much argument...I AM CONTROLLING HIM...he says...i need to let him be an individual...see Scott Peck..The road less traveled he says....LOVE IS individualism...he does not control me...i dont know if i can live with a user...i am not drawn to it..Now anyway and spoke of that as a reason I would hope he would choose not to use...i am devastated and devastated just --am i over reacting as he says...i have come to a decision to see how this goes...he was going to just to it on the weekend - no driving in the night time outside..(never mind worrying about the neighbors smelling it!!!) but lastnite he want to try some to help his intestines...i was holding onto it and hiding it...i ended up just giving it all to him at his request...demand...we have thrown the divorce word around a bit...i just cant seem to come to a decision about whether it bothers me or not...if it does..he will not stand for me "beating him up" over it...i just have to let it go and hope it does not become a problem>>WHAT THE HELL IS A PROBELM IF THIS IS NOT....i must just be overeacting...i must....a little here and there is ok..But wait...what is a little...every weekend...will he get more right away when he runs out of it....my life is mess or am i making it one....i had plans to go back to school part time...everything is on hold..not to mention we are close to having my daughter come and visit for a few hours i thought...it has taken her so long to accept H and me not being with her fulltime...now i can worry about her thinking he is (though he just could not when and if she came by)...pretty much cant do anything with him after he uses...just stay home...HELP.....i feel shell shocked and keeping thinking I should not make a big deal out of it..i operate in a fear based mode he says...and in some ways he is right..considering the marriage I left and the hard time in dealing with the EX...i have gotten so strong..sober...well...happy..good with my daughter...she sees that....it was me but his support helped also....and now this i feel betrayed...tks

10-10-2007, 05:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 28,160	Hi, What I sense from your post is that you're not quite ready to make a decision at this moment, and that's just fine. Take it day by day and see how it goes and see how you feel. My feeling is that it's not going to work, that you don't want him using anything around you, even if you can't quite say why. Most of all, take care of yourself and your relationship with your daughter. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

10-10-2007, 06:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	Welcome to SR.... I am so sorry this situation has popped into your life. Congratulations on your sober time! Blessings to all of you __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

10-10-2007, 07:18 PM	#4 (permalink)
discoveringme Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: MN Posts: 139 Blog Entries: 2	Not over reacting!! Please don't think you are over reacting. Although I am new here, I believe that if it bothers you, it is a problem. It is so hard to stay sober when people in your family are not totally supportive. It can maybe be done, but I dunno. I only know that when I have been in recovery, and non-sober fiends start using, I start to "stinkin think" and wonder if I could use something else without a problem. I could easily be a compulsive/addictive gambler, shopper, worker, excerciser, ANYTHING. Addiction is addiction and I think we can easily switch addictions and tell ourselves its not a problem. So... I guess I am saying that you are NOT over reacting and that if "H" can't quit the pot, then he is still activly using and that is a danger to your sobriety. Just my 2 or 4 cents!!

10-11-2007, 04:51 AM	#5 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Take it slowly, you'll get there. In the meantime please keep posting. Welcome to both you and to discovering. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

10-18-2007, 05:10 PM	#6 (permalink)
recovering too Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: chciago, il usa Posts: 15	i fully understand what you are going through with the h smoking pott. my h is smoking pott and lets add to the situation. i have 11 years sober and he had 4 years. let him tell it he still is sober because his drugs of choice is alcohol and cocaine. he refuses to look for work because guess what he will have to grow up and stop smoking. i am a substance abuse counselor to top all of this off. does it seem as it i am co dependent too? this is a hard decision. do i end my marriage or do i support a husband who does not want to change and has let me know in so many words. i can tell you when you'r sick and tired, when the pain out weighs the pleasure you will beocme willing. i know for me i have reached that point and i need to be true to myself and our family. what he is doing is selfish and irresponsible. recovering too to thy own self be true:praying __________________ recovering too

10-18-2007, 06:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
lonlion Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 423	I can sure sympathize with your situation. The statistics of 2 partners in recovery when one relapses there is an 80% chance that the other one will. I do understand that pot was not your drug of choice though. It must be hard when you are with someone and get into recovery and you advance spiritually, emotionally and in recovery and they don't. I do agree with Anna though, you don't have to make a decision today. I also agree with recovering too that if and when you have had enough, you will take action to protect your own recovery and sanity. It is so sad when we have to let loved ones go when they are not on the same page as us, but sometimes thats what it takes for them to hit a true bottom. The issue is really you now though. Take care of yourself, and do what you need to do for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you, must be challenging, Diana __________________ WHEN WE SPEND TOO MUCH TIME LOOKING IN THE REAR VIEW MIRROR, IT TAKES OUR FOCUS OFF THE ROAD AHEAD, AND WE CAN CRASH

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