Feelings....

[Paulie]

I was talking with my counselor (outside help ) the other day and she asked me a question and I began to cry. It was one of those situations where I dont know why I was crying but it openend up a can of worms should I say that now I get to try and work on.

The part I want to share with you ladies is when I started to cry and did not have an answer as to why, she said to me 'feelings are information'. WOW I had never heard it put like that before.

Our feelings are neither right or wrong, they are our feelings. One of the many gifts I have gotten in recovery is to understand that I am allowed to feel what it is I feel. But often I dont know why I feel something, and she explained that I should use that as information.

It was kinda like a lightbulb went off for me, it was yet another tool for me to use on this never ending journey of recovery, learning to love and value myself, and living life on lifes terms.

[mendingheart]

You had an aha! moment.....aren't they the greatest? I love when it all comes together and makes sense.
I am feeling out of sorts myself tonight, I finally have some down time for me. I have been stuffing so much in all my hustle and bustle of moving that I am finding myself missing my addict. I know i am in a much better place, and I am very happy, but I think out of my gut feeling, I know he is using again. We have not been together since March of last year, but he calls randomly when he has moments of clarity. He says he misses me, and wants to catch up soon, then, When he does not....well it is as if I never was in his life for three years. How can some just forget about you? I know the real answer, and it is the addiction that is greater than the healthy one managing and feeling. It makes me so sad to think about being in that place, after years of being sober and having a plan.
I think I need a "tune up" with my therapist as I call it. She keeps me grounded when I feel like I am drifting in that codie place. Cannot control it, cause it, nor cure it. It is what it is. But I do still feel, and I do still feel sad for his sickness.
Thanks for bringing these feelings out for me. I have been very agitated today. I have no anger any longer.....just want peace in my heart. We have to go through it to feel it to get rid of it. Feelings be gone!!!!

[indigo]

Paulie I know exactly what you mean....I kept my tears to myself for years) thinking it was something nobody could take from me.....when I started many years ago my psychiatrist, I too said something out of the blue, the floodgates finally opened and I began to drain the pain of knowing to be. I still do it today. It's a blessing and a revelation and as you say you can now start working on it. That's a gift.

hugs indie

[Fluttering]

paulie

We were conditioned by others telling us "You shouldn't feel that way" and still others telling us to "Buck Up", and other such BS..
Tears are cleansing and healing.
I too had to learn, in recovery my feelings just are...and they are my own.and it is true they are neither right or wrong...They just are.....It is how I react or act them out that I am responsible for. I have also discovered there are many tears of joy!!!
Thank God for women and for the tools of recovery