Not unique

[Digginit]

I don't think I'm the only one for whom this is a roller coaster, but it's a bad ride for me right now. A few months ago I put my skydiving gear away because my son's relationship with his dad is so bad....and I was afraid that if I died skydiving that he'd have to live with his father. My son even said, "If it happened to him it wouldn't be such a loss." Then I had this relapse that just keeps being a one step forward, two steps back kind of thing. Today, I do have an NA sponsor. I'm not going to as many meetings as I should. I see people who have pulled out from here. But I'm not feeling very confident that I am going to survive this. I've been through a few bouts with it before, but I always knew that it'd work out. I don't see it right now. Was thinking of picking up the skydiving gear again and hitting the clouds. something about having a life adds a degree of fulfillment that makes ya' want to see another day. Right now I think my chances may just be better in the air than on the ground.

[CarolD]

Sooo...what has changed with your son?
Does he now not need his Mom?

Are you doing Step work?
That and praying often
helped me immensley to make progress.

You too can find recovery and peace.

[Digginit]

Originally Posted by CarolD

Sooo...what has changed with your son?
Does he now not need his Mom?

Are you doing Step work?
That and praying often
helped me immensley to make progress.

You too can find recovery and peace.

What has changed with my son? I think my chances of surviving this chapter in my addiction aren't great. I think that living my life (and skydiving has been a HUGE part of my life) will help my chances. I have a notion that my son's chances of keeping his mother around just might improve if I get back to doing the things I love....even if there is some inherent risk there.

I am doing step work. I am talking to my sponsor...though not daily. I haven't got the praying thing down, but I'm trying. I see people in recovery who have dug out of the corner. It is a place where a glimmer of hope lies.

[indigo]

Get your gear out...it's much better getting high from sky diving than it is from any drugs. Take care of yourself and your son. You can do it, please keep posting.

[Paulie]

Do what you love, just do it sober.

Try to stop thinking past today. None of us have a very good chance of staying sober if you look at the big picture. I mean the statistics are against us. But I tell myself, I only have to stay clean today, just today. Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow!

Put a note on your bathroom mirror or by your coffee pot, someplace you will definately see it in the mornings, reminding you to pray and ask your HP to help keep you clean, just for today!!!

[nandm]

For me, sobriety had to be the most important thing in my life since without out it I was not going to have a life. I had to put it in front of my children, friends, family, job, activities, everything in my life.

I was selfish when I was using but once I got sober I had to learn the difference between self care and selfish. Self care is ensuring that I am healthy enough mentally, spiritually, and physically. Selfish is getting what I think I want no matter who I hurt.

It did take me a while to learn the difference though. Even today I still struggle with it at times.

One thing that helped me as far as the feelings I had toward my children went was to keep in mind that unless I am sober I have nothing to offer them.

Remember we can die at anytime, anywhere. There are no guarantees in life. I think living life looking backwards, or looking forward with fear and dread are a major hindrence to a healthy sobriety. For me I just try to do what I feel is the next right thing today, this minute. Too much future or past tripping only puts me into a headspin of fear, anxiety, and guilt.

As far as skydiving goes, yes, it can be a dangerous sport. But driving your car to the store can also be dangerous. Personally, I love to ride motorcycles. I had never ridden one until I got sober. It too can be quite dangerous. Other drivers tend to not see motorcycles, it is easy to lose control over something as simple as a small rock or rut in the road. I have had a serious motorcycle wreck in sobriety. Have a metal rod in my right leg, the fractures left that leg an inch shorter than my left. I have arthritis in my right shoulder and left wrist from the fractures there. I had to have 3 units of blood during my month stay in the hospital. Then it took me a year to get back on my feet and learn to walk again. Do I regret it? No. The only difference is now I realize that I do not need to be the one in control of the bike, I make a great passenger. Fortunately, my SO enjoys my going with. The way I see it is Life is a dangerous sport. It is too short not to do the activities that we enjoy. I bet the view from the air is awesome. I still plan on skydiving in the near future. I have several other people that want to go too.

I probably rambled too much but the point I am trying to make is that for me, I have to live my life today, I can not dwell on what might happen, just work on the next right thing, keeping my side of the street clean today.

[Digginit]

lol...the same month I quit skydiving I sold my HD Dyna Wide Glide. My orthopaedist would #$It if he knew I started up BOTH again....lol.

[Fluttering]

Digginit

Ditto to what Indie said

There are never any guarantees on what the furture holds..Just for today you can do what you love and love what you are doing.
there are rough roads..Life isn't always easy .....But for us in recovery it is a gift