How did your DH/SO react?

[beaglenut]

When I was detoxing my DH was incredibly supportive. I told him everything, all the lies I'd told, all the drinking I was secretly doing.

I encouraged him to go to Al-Anon since I was going to AA. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but since he started his meetings he is much less understanding of what I am going through and I feel sometimes he is mad at me for being an alcoholic. He is aware that it is a disease. When I asked him if he was mad at me he swears he isn't. But his attitude towards me has changed for sure. I don't know if he's disappointed in me. Or just trying to understand his own behaviour that he was so oblivious to my drinking.

How did your spouse react?

[51anna]

I drank for about 3 years and my family (husband & kids) were completely frustrated with me. When I stopped, they all just wanted me to get better. They didn't want to talk about it or be involved in any way. It was clearly my problem and I needed to fix it.

It's still, after many years, not something I ever talk about with them. It's strange, but we just don't go there. And, yes, things have changed - some of it is good and some of it, not so good. But, it is what it is.

It may be a confusing time for your husband, since he didn't seem to know about your problem. It may have shaken him up and made him wonder how he missed it. Try to be patient, and continue recovering.

[Paulie]

I agree with what Anna said, it may have shaken him up a bit.

Also, because Alanon is also a program of self help he may be learning tools for his own recovery. And these tools may make you feel uncomfortable because you are not used to them.

It works both ways.

Congrats to you BOTH!!!

[Japic05]

I know for me - when I first started Al-Anon - there was so much I didn't know - such a defrosting of my emotions - that I did take a step back emotionally from my relationship with my AH - I had to - to take some time to work on ME.

Just like with an A first starts their program of recovery - we need some time to ourselves too.

He may be just learning about him and it may have nothing to do with you.

If he says he isn't mad - just try to trust he's being honest & let it Go & Let God.

((beaglenut))

[Paulie]

such a defrosting of my emotions

WOW I love that.

[indigo]

me too Paulie!

[scaredykat]

Hi beaglenut, my husband supports me also. He goes to one AA meeting a week with me. A speaker meeting and that's it. He doesn't want anything to do with Al anon. I'm not sure why. I told him I wasn't going to make him do anything he didn't want.

I think my husband understands what alcoholism is now. He told me he thinks I'm happier not drinking and notices a big difference in me.

Barb