Trust Issues

[eire rose]

Hello ladies

I don't have a lot of time to get on this site anymore but was wondering if anyone could help me.

I am sober nearly 2 years (yipppeeee) anyway, I have major problems with trust. I have been seeing a guy that I have know for a long time, I am constantly obsessing that he is with other women, on the phone, internet chatting to other girls etc....

It is making me absolutely crazy. I can't live like this, I am a complete nut-job!!!

I know he has loved me for a long time and I also know that he is a bit of a player, he states that he would never do this to me, he has been crazy about me forever, I don't but it, of course, and last night I got up in the middle of the night and considered driving to his place to make sure he was there??!!!!??

Who acts like that??? (apart from me right now ;-) ) I was more stable in some ways when I was drinking, which makes no sense.

Has anyone else been through this I feel like I need a physc ward?!@??

Lots of love, Roisin

[eire rose]

Been with him 4 months.

Myspace and his cell phone trigger my suspicion to be honest.

I am trying to talk myself out of being obsessive but its not working, been praying, something triggered me big time, not sure what.

I am thinking I am genious and maybe my intuition is so on the money that I don't need a reason...lol

The alcoholic mind......

[51anna]

Obsessive thoughts are hard to deal with and it sounds like you're really struggling with this. Clearly, you have to decide if you are going to trust him or not. Do you have obsessive thoughts about other people or things or is just him? I hope you can find some peace.

[eire rose]

Thanks Anna

I had made the decision to trust him, that lasted for about 10 days.

My mind could wrap itself around anything, I am driving home from work and realize that nothing has happened since I made this decision so why would I be obsessing about this?

He was with someone when we broke up for a while in July, I am really hurt about that but I can understand why he did. I just can't get out of my head that he isn't messing around with anyone now.

Its really true when they say putting down the drink is the easy part, its so rewarding but man its a trip too.

Love, Roisin

[Paulie]

Congrats on the 2 years....awesome!!!

When I am feeling like that, and it does happen. It is about me, not him. I fiannly learned that a few years ago. It is my insecurity and has nothing to do with him.

If I felt like that in a relationship, I would first take a look at me and see if there is anything I need to work on. Maybe do some step work around it. And then I would ask myself why this guy, why do I feel like this with this guy. Did you feel like this with any others in the past?

There is alot to look at in a situation like this. But I would start with looking within first.

[eire rose]

Hiya Paulie

Yep, it is me. I know that, I need to work the 6th and 7th step on this and treat it like a character defect, which it is. Any guy that is sticking with me through all this chaois can't be that bad because I am literally trying to destroy this.

The spiritual side of the program is so important for this stuff.

Sometimes it just feels like this is it and I need to know that I will not always be so insane, I have alot of work to do and it is ok.

2 years its awesome and I love being sober, never thought I would say that..lol

Love, Roisin

[rcvrygirl]

I felt that way and tried to blame myself. I could never shake the feeling though.
Eventually I found out he was cheating. Don't mean to fuel your suspicions in any way just saying what happened to me.
I never trusted him from the beginning and knew I should have gotten out long before the nearly two years I wasted listening to him tell me it was me.
It finally ended but not before I lost most of my self esteem and myself in the process. Next time I will trust my gut and RUN!

[TryingisDying]

Originally Posted by Paulie

Congrats on the 2 years....awesome!!!

When I am feeling like that, and it does happen. It is about me, not him. I fiannly learned that a few years ago. It is my insecurity and has nothing to do with him.

If I felt like that in a relationship, I would first take a look at me and see if there is anything I need to work on. Maybe do some step work around it. And then I would ask myself why this guy, why do I feel like this with this guy. Did you feel like this with any others in the past?

There is alot to look at in a situation like this. But I would start with looking within first.

Yep I agree 100% its about me and not him.....I also have to tell myself whatever happens...I know I can deal with it.....

[Fluttering]

rcvygirl

What helped me with this was taking my sponsor's suggestion todo an inventory on realtionships. All of them...This helped me to see my part. The insecurities are, for me, all fear based. The other thing was gratitude...being grateful that today I am loveable and ablt to give love.
I also found that my insecurites and fears were all a part of old stickin thinkin..being judgemental, critical etc......I began to focus on the good qualities in the other person.

Listen to your heart..it will always tell you the truth.

[eire rose]

You guys are awesome and have some good thoughts on this.

I know it is about me, this is my script, my father accused my mother of it constantly and it was completely unfounded. My bros has this going on with him, he just doesn't act on it but he still drinks, heavy drinker not alkie. I have taken away my medicine (booze) and I am running riot with my behaviour.

He isn't cheating, the guy wants to spend every single night he can with me, I know in my heart he is ok. I know this is mine, my stuff to work out. Avoidance of intimacy cause if I wasn't wrapped around this what would I be doing??? This stuff keeps me from anything real.

Fluttering you are so right here, stinkin thinkin. Tryiniisdyin I can deal with whatever, won't kill me, right on.

Rcvygirl I think learning that this is not personal is part of the lesson, if he is cheating it is not about me, that is his stuff, not personal. Being is recovery I take everything personally and I need to learn it is not, my self esteem should be ok, ego may get a bashing but ego is fear. There is so much to learn form this stuff whatever way it pans out.

I did alot of work last night on it, I am trying not to bring this stuff to him because I am acting out with it, instead I work it with my sponsor and therapist.

The truth will come out in the end and I am ok with whatever it is.

[Fluttering]

Originally Posted by eire rose

..... There is so much to learn form this stuff whatever way it pans out.

........ instead I work it with my sponsor and therapist.

The truth will come out in the end and I am ok with whatever it is.

yes, darlin...the truth may be painful...but it is also very freeing...

I am grateful today my sponsor helped me to walk through those painful truths.

You are doing great!!! Be proud of you and the progress you have made. Let that progress inspire and motivate you to continue seeking truth.

You are worth it!!!