Had another melt down.

[namommy]

Oh Boy.
I had another melt down this morning. I cried my eyes out, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate my husband, I hate having migraines, I hate NA, I just hate everything.

I need to pray for forgiveness tonite because I'm not supposed to have the word hate in my vocabulary.

My job is totally stressing me out. They send me to 8 or 9 different places over the course of the week on public transportation in 98+ degree heat with 90+ % humidity and expect 100% out of me. They tell me that it's because I am the best tech they have, yet they treat me like crap.

I hate that I have to uproot my family and move to a smaller place and I am totally overwhelmed with trying to pack up this house.

I hate my husband because he's not been much help with this whole ordeal and as far as packing goes, forget it. It's just not getting done, and I'm busy working and running a recovery house. He should be doing most of the packing. He also needs to get a job.

My migraines have been off the hook the past few days thanks to my insurance company. When my doctor increased the dosage of my daily medication to prevent migraines, my insurance wouldn't approve it and we had to fight for it. I was without my meds for about 4 or 5 days, and the migraines went through the roof. I love insurance companies (NOT)

I hate the people in NA around here because they are not supportive of anything. I got 3 phone calls for my anniversary. My best friend, my old sponsor, and an active addict. My current sponsor didn't even call me. I called her Sat. crying my eyes out and left her a message and she still hasn't returned my call.

I found out that my husband and the girls at the house are planning a surprise party for my anniversary, but most people are telling my husband that they won't or can't be there. NICE!!

I cried my eyes out in the meeting this morning, and left without much comfort or support. I really DISLIKE this area.

Sorry for puking on the forum like this, but this is the only place I feel loved.

Laurie

[Anna]

Oh Laurie, I am so sorry that you're going through so much.

It sounds like you have everything on your shoulders.

Why can't your husband help with the packing while you're out working? It's too much to expect you to work all day, run the recovery house and pack up your home. Moving is always stressful. I've done it a lot and it's emotional and stressful. So, don't be hard on yourself for crying. You're moving to a new place and new stage in life and change is always hard.

I know you've talked before about the lack of support from your NA group. That's really sad, especially when you've had good support elsewhere. But, you are always loved here!

[Live]

Awww, Laurie. I love you dearly. And I am so proud for you of your eleven years.
You may not feel like it, but when I look at you I see super success.
Maybe you have been too super! To me, you are doing more than humanly possible all at once. And you have been doing it for a long time now.

It did strike me that you "are not supposed to hate", with love, I tell you all feelings are valid. Don't should yourself, k? It's actions that speak and count, right?
You have some very legitimate reasons to be angry.....and to have a build up of it, which winds up hating things etc.

You are so very wonderful inside and out. I too, am angry that you are not appreciated and cherished properly. I think people "Should" LOL be kissing your hands.

Please pm me, when I get my pm emptied out a bit, which med you are on for migraines.

[indigo]

Yes I think that you've come so far and have done so much that everyone is expecting you to be superwaoman. Can you delegate? Tell hubs you need more support etc.

hugs sis Annie

[CarolD]

Mega Hugs and Prayers
(+) (+) (+)

[CatsPajamas]

As a very wise woman here once told me, the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days....

With 11 yrs in the program, you know the drill... do the next right thing, one day at a time, Just for Today and all that Jazz.

I understand your frustrations, and I also agree that this is a tremendous place to share them. We love you!

Cats

[Paulie]

Originally Posted by CatsPajamas

As a very wise woman here once told me, the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days....

With 11 yrs in the program, you know the drill... do the next right thing, one day at a time, Just for Today and all that Jazz.

I understand your frustrations, and I also agree that this is a tremendous place to share them. We love you!

Cats

YEP what she said.

The only other thing I can add is....expectations are resentments waiting to happen, you know that my friend.

we cant let our disease steal our joy!!!

[namommy]

Oh, Thank you all so much.

Tomorrow, I have a yard sale from 8 to noon, then drop son off at a party at 1pm, then a wedding that we are helping at @ 2pm til whenever. "My Girls" from the house are coming over to help me with the yard sale and some packing, and they offered to help me out with packing and cleaning out the house during the week.

My job pulled me in 10 different directions today. I went from 5am until 9pm or so before I had anything to eat.

I did get a FABULOUS haircut for free today. My friends son is a Stylist at an upscale salon and he was doing everyone's hair tonite for the wedding tomorrow. I look GOOD!! lmao

I'm just really tired. Once this move is over, I think I am going to take a day to go over to the recovery house and float around the pool with a good book for a couple of hours.

Sept starts a whole new set of demands and appointments. So I need to focus on the next 2 weeks right now.

I am so glad you are all here to support me. Thanks.

[Anna]

Laurie, it sounds like you're feeling better today.

Floating in the pool sounds like a great idea!

[BigSis]

Laurie.... you ARE loved. Here especially... but in many places. Sometimes, I have trouble seeing that myself, though my brain tells me it's true, sometimes my heart just put fingers in its ears and says....not! not! not! not!

The girls in my group are mostly double winner. We have one of the strongest Alanon programs I've ever seen... and lots of support and love. It is the addition of the "other" program folk that make it that way. There is a concious reaching out and an unconditional love that I've not felt ever before.

I am not saying this to make you feel bad... hell no! I am saying this because maybe you can find some support in the other rooms, in addition to your NA group. Is there Naranon or Alanon nearby? With your daughter's addiction, you certainly qualify. It may add a dimension to your recovery that is new and different from the (somewhat negative) one you've encountered so far.

I wish you the best, Laurie. Please know I send prayers of loving peace and comfort ... right this minute.

((((NAmommy))))

[namommy]

We had a great time at the wedding today. I do have a headache because the music was so loud. But, it was the perfect day for an outside, picnic style wedding. It was great.

I am going to Celebrate Recovery meetings now as well as NA. I really enjoy them. Much more than the NA meetings. I'm going to keep checking out different ones, and see what happens.

the move is in 6 days, and we only have 1/2 the money. We need prayers and we need them fast.

So, I am still a little stressed out, but not the way I was.

Laurie

[Fluttering]

Laurie

So sorry it is so rough for you.
Been where you are too often to say,
Really feels lonely, huh?

Sending you warm thoughts and hugs & will keep you in my prayers