help!

[bubblze30]

Hi all. I am in need of suggestions. I have been clean for 1 yr and 4 months. I am in some way no missing the drug or the downfalls but I think the insanity. It was all I knew. For all my life it has been disfunctional and crazy since childhood. then as an adult I started the same cycle. Although I am trying to break the addiction cycle. I seem to be stuck on the insanity.. I need advise on how to change this behavior. I am so used to disfunction. I do not want to lose my recovery over this please help!!!!!!!(yelling screaming When things are going right I try to make them wrong)........

[2stop]

I was encouraged by the post you responded to me with, so I hope I can be of some enouragement to you. I know exactly what you mean by the insanity being more of a comfort zone. I think it is because we are so well trained to deal with tragedy and drama and pain, not just from our addictive life but also from all the other trials and problems in our life. We know what to do in some of the worst situations imaginable but no one showed us what it was like to embrace life and how to handle happiness and success. after a lifetime of this worst case scenario living we feel so hollow when things start to go well for us, withdrawing back into the only world we ever knew, running for cover from the brightness of life. It's as if we have been in a dark cave all our life and now rescued and brought into daylight, we are grateful to be "safe" but our senses report back to us that which we have always known-the darkness of the cave. Keep reaching out and in time peace will be as necessary as the dark because you will become more and more accustomed to it. Remember we are what we do. I really hope things start to look up for you, and I am glad you are here!! Keep posting!!

Many hugs and hope too,
Tammie

[powerpuffgirl]

I, too, with plenty of "time" under my sobriety belt still fear my tendencies to live that chaotic rollercoaster. I am going through many big changes right now, making huge decisions, and still doubt myself. One thing that has really gotten me through is reminding myself over and over that i deserve that same amount of understanding from myself that I try to give others. i judge myself much more harshly than I do those around me, and that's not fair. I need to remember that I am right where I'm supposed to be. That doesn't give me licence to sit back and be a poophead, but some days it's ok to just say "I didn't drink today and that's the best I can do." if I can add in a few nice words or a short prayer at the end of the day, even better. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION. It DOES get better, it always gets better. The serenity prayer - i ask myself, what ARE the things I can change? Not many - but my attitude is one. Someimes my actions are hard to even put on that list. Just being aware of my behavior was an incredible breakthrough. I wanted to change overnight, and was in a panic that I would never get "better", that I would always be dysfunctional. it happens slowly, but it does happen. And honestly, no-one really has it all together, do they? i think it's an alcaholic fantasy that there are people on earth without problems. Many of them just don't destroy their lives with booze in reaction to them. We're all human. Including me. Including you. So give yourself credit for being sober TODAY, and the positive things you have done, and then pick one thing you want to work on at a time.
Keep coming, and keep asking for help.
Thank you for posting, I needed this!
-Lu

[JT]

Hi ladies,

As an anon I know that I am addicted to people, places and things more than a substance. My addiction is about chaos as well.

I have had to learn to detach from much that is going on around me and I have had to learn not to react. For me reacting is making myself ashamed the next day. But for you it can be far more deadly.

When I was able to address some of my defects and begin to change my behavior it is like the clouds parted. As I changed the people around me began to change. We are all in the same program and I welcome you to check out the anon boards. Yes, there is some bitching about addicts but the growth is there that you may be looking for.

Hugs,
JT

[Stephanie]

Well I have learned in my years being sober that you can have just as much chaos in sobriety as when you're using. The only difference is that when I was using I didn't give much thought to the mess I created but in sobriety I have a conscience and and it didn't feel good to make a mess out of things and have so much drama all the time. I used to live in one chaotic situation to the next and then I hit a bottom with it. I did some step work with my sposor and things are better. I don't tend to get in chaotic situations with other people anymore but I married someone who gets in one chaotic situation after the next so I'm along for the ride whether I like it or not.LOL

My suggestion would be to give it some time. Our character defects are not going to go away over night. Eventually you are going to realize, like I did, that living in peace is so much easier.

One of the promises of the program is "We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace" The word serenity is so important to me now. I strive for peace as it is when I am most comfortable and content. It's a process. If you stay sober, these promises will come true for you, it just may be in gods time and not in your own.

[Paulie]

bubblze -

i have to day 'ditto' to my friends before me here. It takes time. We stop using but the chaos of the life that we lived stays. I also have to say as Steph did that step work with my sponsor helps me with this. I spent 1 1/2 hours talking to my poor sponsor last week about chaos going on in my life that I was creating myself, just me. And the interesting things about it was no one else around me was feeding into it, it was just me spinning all by myself.

Take it slow, write about things. For me if I take the time to sit down and write about what I am feeling, without reading it until I am done, I can usually get the situation out of my head and let it go. Sometimes I forget that.

One day at a time my friend. Remember it was not the drugs that were the problem.