I'm in trouble.

[Rain]

I’ve gotten myself into a huge predicament. I owe a lot of people a lot of money but I got fired and I have no one to go to for money now. So I am completely in debt. Some of the people I owe money to are friends and family so I feel super guilty others are people who are seriously f*** me up if I don’t get them there money. Problem is what little money I’ve got or get I want to spend on coke instead of on paying people back. So I’ve been thinking maybe I need to quit but it’s too hard…like I try but I like need it, it hurts to much and I’m too unhappy without it. But I was thinking maybe I could replace it with Aderall since that’s cheaper , I mean I know that’s not the ideal thing and I should really just quit all together but I can’t just go cold turkey and that might help me quit? I really don’t know what else to do. I mean I was thinking maybe Aderall would help make it a little easier but I didn’t want to buy it and have it not help. I really really have dug m yself a huge hole here.

[Fluttering]

Rain

Have you concidered that maybe it is time to make some changes?

I know when I came into recovery I was in serious debt to many peole and many businesses. Once I made changes in my life style and in my thinnking about what my priorites were....I had to face the music for many of the money problems . I had to admit them...then i had to share that admittance...then i got the opportunity to make amends. I was scared and felt treally alone...but becasue I was willing...and honest and was willing to be teachable -- changes occured. I had to initaite the change in me first tho... I can tell you I have nevedtr felt so free as the day I made my last financial amends.
Then the promises began to come true for me... "Financial insecurity will leave us>"
that did not happen until I made the changes in me that allowed me the freedom to make the necessary amends and become responsible for my actions. I had to learn how to live....really... .live clean and sober
It isn't alwasy easy...but with help it can be done...
I had to ask for help...I couldn't have doen this alone...

just sharing my experience...

[51anna]

Hi Rain,

I would really suggest talking to your dr. Adderal is a prescription drug and you shouldn't take anything like that on your own. Talk to your dr about getting off the coke and how to deal with it. Detoxing is never pleasant, but substituting one thing for another is not going to help you.

We're here to offer support, so keep reading and posting.

[indigo]

I agree with Anna, please go see your DR.

[Nae]

I agree with all the other women here; please go see your doctor. You are not alone. Going from one drug to the next because its cheaper isn't going to make your life easier with an addiction. As an acoholic/addict; I always looked for a high too get that fix. I understand when you say you are in debt and owe money; I hear you so clearly. What I hated most was when I tried to hide from those I owed money too until I could pay them back.

But like Allaflutter said ...............
"Have you concidered that maybe it is time to make some changes?

I know when I came into recovery I was in serious debt to many peole and many businesses. Once I made changes in my life style and in my thinnking about what my priorites were....I had to face the music for many of the money problems . I had to admit them...then i had to share that admittance...then i got the opportunity to make amends. I was scared and felt treally alone...but becasue I was willing...and honest and was willing to be teachable -- changes occured. I had to initaite the change in me first tho... I can tell you I have nevedtr felt so free as the day I made my last financial amends. Then the promises began to come true for me... "Financial insecurity will leave us."


Its a work in progress, honestly anything is possible as long as we let go and admit defeat and have a desire to have a healthier life. My prayers will be with you tonight. Take care.

[Fluttering]

"Surrender to Win"...This takes courage...it is not a sign o fweakness.
,many have been where you are...I could not have done any of it alone...I had to raechjh out and ask for help...I found that help in the rooms of recovery.
I also found love, compassin, and encouragement.

Posting here was your first step..proud of you for doing that...A doctor that you are able to be honest with about your addictions is another important source of encouragement and support.

[Joi]

See the doctor, but be careful of the drug you're suggesting and do yourself a favor; have someone close to you administer the drug so you don't overuse because YOU WILL OVERUSE left up to your own devices. This is not a character flaw; it's a fact. The financial thing is done. We've all been there. I lost my home and kept drinking. Had no electricity and kept drinking. Had no food and kept drinking. You can not do this alone and that's what we are all here for. You ARE NOT ALONE unless you choose to isolate yourself or worse. . . surround yourself with others who use. Make a choice, babe. Do you want to live for the drug or die a little each moment for the drug?

[Rain]

A doctor will send be the rehab though, and I don't want to go there...I'm supposed to go to school in August and it's not like I can just go to my doctor and say "Hey so I'm doing _____ could you help me out with that?" I've never really been good at telling anyone anything. I have a friend who's trying to help me out, he used to use to but he doesn't anymore. And he even quit by himself which is why I think maybe I'll be able to also. I just got 200 dollars as an early birthday present which isn't much but it will help. The guy lives kind of far from me but he's my best friend ever and I really don't want to hurt him and he really wants me to quit and since I can't afford it anyway...I know I should talk to my doctor but I'm really scared to and I know I'm in a bad situation now but I'm worried that talking to my doc will make it worse.

I know this sounds really bad and makes it sound like I don't want to quit but I really do, like I DO I just don't want to go to a doctor. I want to try to quit on my own and I've tried already and failed but I havent really TRIED tried so...I don't know. I mean...it's already been a few days...and it hasn't been too unbearably horrible.

[Fluttering]

you still have options and choices. One you cannot compare your situation with another. Differnt drugs have different effects on people...The same drug, the same amount can react and do differnt things to you than it did to your friend. The doctor may or may not suggest rehab. I fhe suggests it...you can ask if there are other options. I it is that scary to you ask your friend if he will go with you. asome rehabs are short strays...who is to say you cannot findone that is a short stay that will not affect your school.
If it is as bad as you say it is...you sure you can get through all the stress of school without support?
What is the harm in seeing the doctor. he can't just force you to go. Blood work and a physical could tell you about any damage that could be correctee if you stop now.
What i knw is my addiction and alcohol use was/is a progressive diseaase. That means you keep doing what you are doing and you will keep getting what you are getting. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
The other difference between you and your friend could be that coming into recovery..you may well, if you work at it...be a whole lot happier.
What's go lose just trying it out, seriously making an effort to try it. If after 30 days or 60 days , you decide it is not for you your misery will be refunded to you.

Should you deciddeto try it I might suggest putting as much effort into working the recovery as you did with your substance abuse.
These are the things that was shared with me when I came in and I found they did not lie to me...It is a simple program...just not all that easy....One really has to work at it.
Thew question comes down to is;' hiow much pain you willing to carry around? Are you absolutely certain you can make it on your own? Go ahead and try...We will keepthe light on for you tho.

[Joi]

That's where you are wrong. You absolutely CAN be honest with your doctor. Believe me it won't be the first time he has seen it.

[aasharon90]

I dont know how many times i tried to quit on my
own. To say i will never drink again. Alcohol was
my drug of choice....

It was all the things that happened to me over
and over again because of my drinking. Each
time id stop the craving came back even stronger
than before.

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic. By the
Grace of my HP and people like u here in
SR I havent had a drink of alcohol since
8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.

Do you ever feel like your just sick and tired
of feeling the way u do? I know i did....and
as hard as i tried to get off that roller coaster
ride by myself i couldnt.

It wasnt until after i ran of the road back in
Feb 90 hitting a concret culvert
sitting on top the ground sending me to the
hospital for 10 day to only recover quite
nicely that without drinking for the next
3 months that i finally picked up a drink
and tried to end my life in Aug 90.

The progression of my disease between
those few months that i didnt drink was
so rapid that it still amazes me today.

It was then that my family stepped in
and did a family intervention on me
sending me to rehab for 28 days, doing
for me what i certainly couldnt do for myself
at that time.

There i recieved the tools and knowlegde
of my disease of alcoholism...my addiction
that set me on the path of recovery.

I fianlly realized that my disease was
cunning baffling and powerful and that
no matter how hard i tried to stop
on my own, i was POWERLESS over it.

I finally SURRENDERED to the fact i
couldnt drink sucessfully on my own
any more.

I then became WILLING to do what ever
it took to stay sober. WHATEVER IT
TOOK....

I also learned that i didnt have to
go thru recovery on my own and that
there where many before me to help
me and guide me to stay sober all along
the way,,,,,

Even today at 16 yrs...i still need help and
im ever so grateful for the programs of
NA and AA and Alanon thats available
for each of us to help us stay clean and
sober one day at a time.....

Thanks for letting me share.

[applecider]

hey rain, your story is very common. its time for you to take some responsibility for your actions. think of the reason why you are in this predicament. what got you there is what you need to stop doing before you get hurt or get in really big trouble and its to late to turn back.

[Harley3801]

Hi Rain.

I agree with those here who have recommended that you talk to your doctor. Our intentions are always good when it comes to kicking addictions but the reality is most often much different.

I said I was going to quit every day for 15 years . . . . and every day I drank again. My intentions were good but I just couldn't do it alone.

See your dr. Consider rehab. If you really want to quit, you have to admit that you can't do it alone . . . . and once you tell your dr., you won't be alone. It's a place to start and you'll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders to have the help you need.

I hope you can find your way. I'll keep good thoughts for you!

Harley

[Joi]

Give rehab a chance, even if you believe you are doing it to appease others temporarily. Just do it.

[Fluttering]

rehab will ensure you remain in a safe place till you get your land legs and can stand on your own.
We do stay in safe places today..
And yet..... we are not a glum lot...

[amanda30]

I know that the thought of rehab is not what you are wanting to do right now. I can understand that. I am entering rehab on Wednesday. There are parts of me that don't want to go because I don't want to leave my family, my life, and everything else. But I know that I want to recover so the decision is a little easier for me. It's a progressive disease, no ands, ifs, or buts about it. And I know what the alternative is. Have you considered Outpatient? Then, you could still go to school on schedule.

That is a decision that only you can make, but you need to think long and hard about what you want for your life. Substituting one drug for another only keeps you in addiction.

Have you considered NA? I have a very close friend that is in recovery from cocaine and NA has been a lifesaver for her.

You have a desire to quit or you wouldn't be here. I am glad that you are here and we are all here to support you. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and I wish you all the luck in the world.

[indigo]

How are you bearing up today?

[mlsawyer]

I have been reading all these replies about going to visit your doctor, and I know that even THAT is a hard step. I have no idea what kind of insurance you have, but I don't have any. I decided recently that I needed to sign up for MA, because even if I feel ok physically, there are other issues there that need to be addressed by a doctor. So, anyways, I don't know your specific situation, but there's always a way to get the medical help that you need. ALWAYS.