Please Help - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SugarMama · 06-25-2007, 05:11 PM

Hi everyone, this is my first attempt to reach out to others for help... I am an alcoholic. (That's the first time I said it outloud to anyone! Even if technically it really is not.) The reason I can not go to local AA meetings is because I'm afraid I may see my mother or father or possibly a few other people that I don't want to know. I know it's suppose to be anonymous, but I am SOOOOO embarrased as to how I let things get so out of control! No one knows how bad it really is, including my husband of 7 years if you can believe that. But, I think my husband contributes to my drinking problem a little bit. We drink together on some nights (2-3 nights/week), and then on the other nights, I drink alone watching TV by myself. He has no idea I have alcohol in my glass because it's in a dark colored tupperware glass with a lid. I hide the alcohol in my bathroom where he never looks and I can refill throughout the evening. And, when he comes in the TV room, I start eating peanuts which usually cover up the smell of the alcohol when I talk. We don't kiss goodnight until right before bed and by that time I have already washed my face and brushed my teeth, including some heavy-duty mouth wash. We never have sex before bedtime, so it's not like he could taste anything more from a peck on the lips. Sad, I know.

Now, here's the real problem.. On a drunken night last week (for both of us), we decided we should try to conceive a baby and I knew I could be ovulating (I'm very regular). Sounded good at the time, you know? However, reality set in the next day. And even though I knew I could be "pg," I still drank that night and the next 2 nights! About 6 drinks each night. However, Friday came around and I just could not take another drop of it after all the research I did on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). I haven't gone a day without alcohol in about 5 years. I am now on Day #4 of being sober and the insomnia is killing me. The drinks before bedtime usually allowed me to pass out every night. I was almost tempted to get a bottle tonight, and I kept telling myself... Stay strong!!! But, it's so hard! Funny thing is that I want the drink(s) to sleep more than the drink itself! How weird is that??? But hey, I'm not kidding anyone if I say I don't enjoy the "buzz" too.

I was hoping someone in here could offer some advice or share some of their insomnia problems. I have never had a sleeping problem until now. And, I am concerned that if my period comes in another week or so, I may go back to drinking every night. Has anyone ever gone back to "casual drinking" after admitting they had a problem?

CarolD · 06-25-2007, 06:51 PM

Welcome!

Here is a link that is about insomnia

http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/

Hope it helps...

Quote:

Has anyone ever gone back to "casual drinking" after admitting they had a problem?

Susan...you are passed the point of casual
drinking.
The CDC considers 1 drink daily to be moderate for women.
(1 12 oz beer..5 oz. wine..1 1/2 oz liquor)

Please let us know how you are doing...

***Anna*** · 06-25-2007, 07:00 PM

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us!

Insomnia is very common in early sobriety and usually after a period of time, it will work itself out. But, it might take weeks or even months before you sleep normally again.

And, once you pass the invisible line into alcoholism, there is no way to go back and drink normally. Trust me, I think all of us have tried. I know I spent years determined to be able to moderate my drinking and things just kept getting worse and worse.

Take a look around and read the posts. There is lots of information and support here.

Rowan · 06-25-2007, 07:04 PM

Hi - and welcome to SR. I'm glad you decided to join us.

Personally, I would put any baby plans on hold until I decided what I was going to do about my drinking. I quit during both my pregnancies but began again when they were both quite young - and by that time I had done a considerable amount of emotional damage to them.

You've admitted you are an alcoholic - so you likely know that an alcoholic cannot moderate - we need to abstain. I really hope you reconsider AA - I know you have family that attend, and that might make things seem difficult - but they are there for the same reasons that you would be. You're not a bad person - you're an alcoholic.

I hope you keep posting - we do care.

Rowan

CarolD · 06-25-2007, 07:20 PM

Susan...

Please read this link...lots of info

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence")

Blessings

Surlyredhead · 06-25-2007, 07:36 PM

(((((SugarMoma)))))

Stay strong....the worst is almost over.

Cathy

Fluttering · 06-25-2007, 09:01 PM

hi

Welcome aboard..Fasten your seatbelt

You are in for the ride of your life...

One more friend............

indigo · 06-26-2007, 12:59 AM

Welcome I see you have already been given some good links. Keep on keeping on, as Anna said things will improve sleepwise, I sleep like a baby now and sobriety rocks.

indigo

Spiritual Seeker · 06-26-2007, 01:28 AM

If you want to get pregnant you must stop drinking and clean up your body. You must guarantee no alcohol gets to the fetus. In my profession I have worked with FAS kids and that is not how you want to mess up your child. I have also worked with kids who come from alcoholic homes and that is not the environment to raise a child or the mother to be. Get your priorities straight. The best way to get sober is to admit that you have a problem and deal with it. You can't get well in the shadows. This is a progressive disease and there shouldn't be a need to hide it from your family. It takes courage to admit. This is a family disease. You getting sober openly will have an effect on the rest of the family.

Lizrox · 06-26-2007, 02:15 AM

Hi,

Welcome to SR. There is no way you can drink casually again if you are an alcoholic. Best of Luck to you.

Liz

nan07 · 06-26-2007, 06:12 AM

I'm with Carol...what you are doing is not "casual" drinking by any means. If you want to know if people go back to drinking after they acknowledge they are alcoholic, well, yeah...people do that all the time. But it really takes away from the "fun" factor, I can vouch for that. Even if you get your period next week, I hope that you continue this path of abstinence you are on, especially if you are planning to have kids at some point in your life (and it sounds like you are). It makes much more sense to be healthy mentally and physically and secure in your sobriety before attempting a pregnancy. I hope you keep posting here...take care.

SugarMama · 06-26-2007, 02:42 PM

I just want to say thank you so much for everyone's repsonse. It warms my heart to see how much help and advice others are willing to give. This will be one of the hardest things I have to do in my life. I appreciate the support!

parentrecovers · 06-26-2007, 03:20 PM

nice to meet you! blessings, k

06-25-2007, 07:00 PM	#3 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 28,170	Hi and Welcome, I'm glad you found us! Insomnia is very common in early sobriety and usually after a period of time, it will work itself out. But, it might take weeks or even months before you sleep normally again. And, once you pass the invisible line into alcoholism, there is no way to go back and drink normally. Trust me, I think all of us have tried. I know I spent years determined to be able to moderate my drinking and things just kept getting worse and worse. Take a look around and read the posts. There is lots of information and support here. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

06-25-2007, 07:20 PM	#5 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	Susan... Please read this link...lots of info http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence") Blessings __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

06-25-2007, 07:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
Surlyredhead Life is Grand Word Lab Champion! Battleship Champion! Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Michigan Posts: 1,612	(((((SugarMoma))))) Stay strong....the worst is almost over. Cathy __________________ Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future!

06-26-2007, 01:28 AM	#9 (permalink)
Spiritual Seeker get it, give it, grow in it Join Date: May 2007 Location: Calif coast Posts: 3,169	If you want to get pregnant you must stop drinking and clean up your body. You must guarantee no alcohol gets to the fetus. In my profession I have worked with FAS kids and that is not how you want to mess up your child. I have also worked with kids who come from alcoholic homes and that is not the environment to raise a child or the mother to be. Get your priorities straight. The best way to get sober is to admit that you have a problem and deal with it. You can't get well in the shadows. This is a progressive disease and there shouldn't be a need to hide it from your family. It takes courage to admit. This is a family disease. You getting sober openly will have an effect on the rest of the family. __________________ If tears could build a stairway I'd walk up to Heaven and bring my son home.

06-25-2007, 05:11 PM	#1 (permalink)
SugarMama Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2	Hi everyone, this is my first attempt to reach out to others for help... I am an alcoholic. (That's the first time I said it outloud to anyone! Even if technically it really is not.) The reason I can not go to local AA meetings is because I'm afraid I may see my mother or father or possibly a few other people that I don't want to know. I know it's suppose to be anonymous, but I am SOOOOO embarrased as to how I let things get so out of control! No one knows how bad it really is, including my husband of 7 years if you can believe that. But, I think my husband contributes to my drinking problem a little bit. We drink together on some nights (2-3 nights/week), and then on the other nights, I drink alone watching TV by myself. He has no idea I have alcohol in my glass because it's in a dark colored tupperware glass with a lid. I hide the alcohol in my bathroom where he never looks and I can refill throughout the evening. And, when he comes in the TV room, I start eating peanuts which usually cover up the smell of the alcohol when I talk. We don't kiss goodnight until right before bed and by that time I have already washed my face and brushed my teeth, including some heavy-duty mouth wash. We never have sex before bedtime, so it's not like he could taste anything more from a peck on the lips. Sad, I know. Now, here's the real problem.. On a drunken night last week (for both of us), we decided we should try to conceive a baby and I knew I could be ovulating (I'm very regular). Sounded good at the time, you know? However, reality set in the next day. And even though I knew I could be "pg," I still drank that night and the next 2 nights! About 6 drinks each night. However, Friday came around and I just could not take another drop of it after all the research I did on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). I haven't gone a day without alcohol in about 5 years. I am now on Day #4 of being sober and the insomnia is killing me. The drinks before bedtime usually allowed me to pass out every night. I was almost tempted to get a bottle tonight, and I kept telling myself... Stay strong!!! But, it's so hard! Funny thing is that I want the drink(s) to sleep more than the drink itself! How weird is that??? But hey, I'm not kidding anyone if I say I don't enjoy the "buzz" too. I was hoping someone in here could offer some advice or share some of their insomnia problems. I have never had a sleeping problem until now. And, I am concerned that if my period comes in another week or so, I may go back to drinking every night. Has anyone ever gone back to "casual drinking" after admitting they had a problem?

06-25-2007, 07:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,136	Hi - and welcome to SR. I'm glad you decided to join us. Personally, I would put any baby plans on hold until I decided what I was going to do about my drinking. I quit during both my pregnancies but began again when they were both quite young - and by that time I had done a considerable amount of emotional damage to them. You've admitted you are an alcoholic - so you likely know that an alcoholic cannot moderate - we need to abstain. I really hope you reconsider AA - I know you have family that attend, and that might make things seem difficult - but they are there for the same reasons that you would be. You're not a bad person - you're an alcoholic. I hope you keep posting - we do care. Rowan

06-26-2007, 02:15 AM	#10 (permalink)
Lizrox Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 683	Hi, Welcome to SR. There is no way you can drink casually again if you are an alcoholic. Best of Luck to you. Liz

06-26-2007, 06:12 AM	#11 (permalink)
nan07 Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: WI Posts: 180	I'm with Carol...what you are doing is not "casual" drinking by any means. If you want to know if people go back to drinking after they acknowledge they are alcoholic, well, yeah...people do that all the time. But it really takes away from the "fun" factor, I can vouch for that. Even if you get your period next week, I hope that you continue this path of abstinence you are on, especially if you are planning to have kids at some point in your life (and it sounds like you are). It makes much more sense to be healthy mentally and physically and secure in your sobriety before attempting a pregnancy. I hope you keep posting here...take care.

06-26-2007, 02:42 PM	#12 (permalink)
SugarMama Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2	I just want to say thank you so much for everyone's repsonse. It warms my heart to see how much help and advice others are willing to give. This will be one of the hardest things I have to do in my life. I appreciate the support!

06-26-2007, 03:20 PM	#13 (permalink)
parentrecovers let it grow! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: USA Posts: 15,542	nice to meet you! blessings, k

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