| Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community |
Already registered? Login above ---^
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.
|06-24-2007, 05:38 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2003
My spiritual retreat
It's funny what comes out when we let our defenses down.
I spent the weekend at a women's retreat - a beautiful Jesuit centre in the country. When I arrived Friday, I felt good. It had been a good day at work, and I felt confident and self-assured. I spent much of Saturday in quiet reflection, walking the grounds, and walking a labyrinth.
By late yesterday, I was feeling a lot of fear, and a considerable amount of confusion. I felt very alone and began to withdraw from others. A lady who I know from my town was there, and she knows my boyfriend very well. She's a very spiritual lady, and seemed to sense something was happening with me, and approached me a couple of times to talk. What's been bugging me, I realized, is that I was going to let my boyfriend move back in, despite kicking him out in March. He had promised to change, and had seemed to have, until recently when old behaviours resurfaced. I told this lady that my primary motivation was financial - that I couldn't survive financially unless he moved back in.
And I remembered something CarolD said here once - that she would rather be pocket-poor than spiritually bankrupt. And this lady echoed me - told me that I would essentially be prostituting myself if I let him move back in - and she said she knows exactly what he is like, and how he is unwilling to look at himself - always has been, she said. It felt good to speak to someone who understood - because I was feeling all crazy-like again - thinking I needed to adjust my expectations etc.
So I went to bed last night and was devastated because in my heart I knew I was going to do it my way, and let him move in anyway. I was very low when I woke up - but as I escaped to my car, I saw this lady again. And she stopped me, and hugged me, and so I told her. And we talked some more. And I felt stronger - and the burden lifted - I can't explain it - but I knew that I would do the right thing.
I'll still date him - for a bit, anyway. But I won't let him move in.
It's amazing what comes out when we are willing to listen.
Thanks for reading!
|06-24-2007, 06:01 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Forward we go...side by side
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
I'm pleased you could use something I said.
I think the woman was sent to you
to offer you clairty.
It was indeed...a positive retreat.
Side by side...we move forward.
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!
|06-24-2007, 06:09 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Oh Rowan, that must have been so hard to go through.
I am so glad for the support that you got from your friend and from being on the retreat. I really believe you are making the right decision. I can imagine that you would feel miserable if you had let your boyfriend move back in just for financial reasons.
There was a time in my life when I would have been tempted to take the 'easy' way out. I didn't think I could have made it on my own. Now, if I was in that position, I would be confident that being true to myself was what mattered.
I am proud of you for being true to your beautiful self.
|06-25-2007, 02:22 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Change can be so hard especially when it's related to loved one's, I'm glad you've reflected and are thinking more about taking care of you Rowan and just dating him for now. In the long term it will either show he is willing to change or if he is not.
When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté
|06-25-2007, 05:30 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: A place of special Dreams....
WOW..........You have done the right thing and Hats off to you for standing your ground.............God will help you with the money part that you need .....just be patient and be willing to accept what has been given to you for now..................
I have faith that God works in our lives in special ways....and He sends us special people to help us through the most difficult times............
Hang in there and know that I am praying for you ............continue to make the right choices for your life................
One day at a time.......Just for today..... Believe in yourself
|Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)|
|National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers |
| Drug Rehab |
Best Treatment Center |
Detox Center |
Residential Treatment Center |
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
|Local Treatment Resources and Events |
| Alabama |
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming
| || |