My spiritual retreat - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Rowan · 06-24-2007, 05:38 PM

It's funny what comes out when we let our defenses down.

I spent the weekend at a women's retreat - a beautiful Jesuit centre in the country. When I arrived Friday, I felt good. It had been a good day at work, and I felt confident and self-assured. I spent much of Saturday in quiet reflection, walking the grounds, and walking a labyrinth.

By late yesterday, I was feeling a lot of fear, and a considerable amount of confusion. I felt very alone and began to withdraw from others. A lady who I know from my town was there, and she knows my boyfriend very well. She's a very spiritual lady, and seemed to sense something was happening with me, and approached me a couple of times to talk. What's been bugging me, I realized, is that I was going to let my boyfriend move back in, despite kicking him out in March. He had promised to change, and had seemed to have, until recently when old behaviours resurfaced. I told this lady that my primary motivation was financial - that I couldn't survive financially unless he moved back in.

And I remembered something CarolD said here once - that she would rather be pocket-poor than spiritually bankrupt. And this lady echoed me - told me that I would essentially be prostituting myself if I let him move back in - and she said she knows exactly what he is like, and how he is unwilling to look at himself - always has been, she said. It felt good to speak to someone who understood - because I was feeling all crazy-like again - thinking I needed to adjust my expectations etc.

So I went to bed last night and was devastated because in my heart I knew I was going to do it my way, and let him move in anyway. I was very low when I woke up - but as I escaped to my car, I saw this lady again. And she stopped me, and hugged me, and so I told her. And we talked some more. And I felt stronger - and the burden lifted - I can't explain it - but I knew that I would do the right thing.

I'll still date him - for a bit, anyway. But I won't let him move in.

It's amazing what comes out when we are willing to listen.

Thanks for reading!

CarolD · 06-24-2007, 06:01 PM

I'm pleased you could use something I said.

I think the woman was sent to you
to offer you clairty.
It was indeed...a positive retreat.

Side by side...we move forward.

***Anna*** · 06-24-2007, 06:09 PM

Oh Rowan, that must have been so hard to go through.

I am so glad for the support that you got from your friend and from being on the retreat. I really believe you are making the right decision. I can imagine that you would feel miserable if you had let your boyfriend move back in just for financial reasons.

There was a time in my life when I would have been tempted to take the 'easy' way out. I didn't think I could have made it on my own. Now, if I was in that position, I would be confident that being true to myself was what mattered.

I am proud of you for being true to your beautiful self.

tek33brs · 06-24-2007, 06:23 PM

Another perfect example that God works in mysterious ways!!! Thank You Rowen for sharing that beautiful experience.

indigo · 06-25-2007, 02:22 AM

Change can be so hard especially when it's related to loved one's, I'm glad you've reflected and are thinking more about taking care of you Rowan and just dating him for now. In the long term it will either show he is willing to change or if he is not.

hugs indie

Jules62 · 06-25-2007, 01:57 PM

That is such a tough thing to go through *hugs*. You have so much courage-to make that decision. You constantly impress me-the way you look to the heart of things and act accordingly.

Lots of love,

Rose xox

*amelia* · 06-25-2007, 03:09 PM

Hey hun, you have definitely made a wise decision. You WILL make it without him financially and you should be proud of yourself.
Amelia

expenguin · 06-25-2007, 05:30 PM

WOW..........You have done the right thing and Hats off to you for standing your ground.............God will help you with the money part that you need .....just be patient and be willing to accept what has been given to you for now..................

I have faith that God works in our lives in special ways....and He sends us special people to help us through the most difficult times............

Hang in there and know that I am praying for you ............continue to make the right choices for your life................

Little Penguin

Fluttering · 06-25-2007, 09:05 PM

Hey Row

I am so very proud of you..."when the student is wiling andready...the teacher appears".

What a gift!!! be proud of yourself!!!

06-24-2007, 05:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,136	My spiritual retreat It's funny what comes out when we let our defenses down. I spent the weekend at a women's retreat - a beautiful Jesuit centre in the country. When I arrived Friday, I felt good. It had been a good day at work, and I felt confident and self-assured. I spent much of Saturday in quiet reflection, walking the grounds, and walking a labyrinth. By late yesterday, I was feeling a lot of fear, and a considerable amount of confusion. I felt very alone and began to withdraw from others. A lady who I know from my town was there, and she knows my boyfriend very well. She's a very spiritual lady, and seemed to sense something was happening with me, and approached me a couple of times to talk. What's been bugging me, I realized, is that I was going to let my boyfriend move back in, despite kicking him out in March. He had promised to change, and had seemed to have, until recently when old behaviours resurfaced. I told this lady that my primary motivation was financial - that I couldn't survive financially unless he moved back in. And I remembered something CarolD said here once - that she would rather be pocket-poor than spiritually bankrupt. And this lady echoed me - told me that I would essentially be prostituting myself if I let him move back in - and she said she knows exactly what he is like, and how he is unwilling to look at himself - always has been, she said. It felt good to speak to someone who understood - because I was feeling all crazy-like again - thinking I needed to adjust my expectations etc. So I went to bed last night and was devastated because in my heart I knew I was going to do it my way, and let him move in anyway. I was very low when I woke up - but as I escaped to my car, I saw this lady again. And she stopped me, and hugged me, and so I told her. And we talked some more. And I felt stronger - and the burden lifted - I can't explain it - but I knew that I would do the right thing. I'll still date him - for a bit, anyway. But I won't let him move in. It's amazing what comes out when we are willing to listen. Thanks for reading!

06-24-2007, 06:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	I'm pleased you could use something I said. I think the woman was sent to you to offer you clairty. It was indeed...a positive retreat. Side by side...we move forward. __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

06-24-2007, 06:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,777	Oh Rowan, that must have been so hard to go through. I am so glad for the support that you got from your friend and from being on the retreat. I really believe you are making the right decision. I can imagine that you would feel miserable if you had let your boyfriend move back in just for financial reasons. There was a time in my life when I would have been tempted to take the 'easy' way out. I didn't think I could have made it on my own. Now, if I was in that position, I would be confident that being true to myself was what mattered. I am proud of you for being true to your beautiful self. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

06-24-2007, 06:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
tek33brs Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: utah Posts: 21	Another perfect example that God works in mysterious ways!!! Thank You Rowen for sharing that beautiful experience. __________________ **HAPPY TO BE ALIVE**

06-25-2007, 02:22 AM	#5 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Change can be so hard especially when it's related to loved one's, I'm glad you've reflected and are thinking more about taking care of you Rowan and just dating him for now. In the long term it will either show he is willing to change or if he is not. hugs indie __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

06-25-2007, 01:57 PM	#6 (permalink)
Jules62 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,300	That is such a tough thing to go through hugs. You have so much courage-to make that decision. You constantly impress me-the way you look to the heart of things and act accordingly. Lots of love, Rose xox

06-25-2007, 03:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
amelia Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 55	Hey hun, you have definitely made a wise decision. You WILL make it without him financially and you should be proud of yourself. Amelia

06-25-2007, 05:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
expenguin Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: A place of special Dreams.... Posts: 3,007	WOW..........You have done the right thing and Hats off to you for standing your ground.............God will help you with the money part that you need .....just be patient and be willing to accept what has been given to you for now.................. I have faith that God works in our lives in special ways....and He sends us special people to help us through the most difficult times............ Hang in there and know that I am praying for you ............continue to make the right choices for your life................ Little Penguin __________________ One day at a time.......Just for today..... Believe in yourself

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