Brutally Honest

[Anna]

I don't like Father's Day.

I'm not close to my Dad. I have let go of many of my resentments, but I know where I stand. My father stood by, with full knowledge, and allowed my mother to abuse me physically and emotionally all my growing up years. He was present and he worked hard for the family, but I could never depend on him or turn to him for help. The last time I asked him for help, I was 22 years old and really needed help. He let me know what a pain in the butt I was for bothering him. He travelled to both my son's and my daughter's weddings which I really appreciated, but he didn't do it for me or for my kids. He did it for my mother who had died a couple of years earlier. I talk to him on the phone briefly, every few days because I have decided that's where my comfort level is. He complains about everything in his life and I listen. Sometimes he bothers to ask how I'm doing, usually not.

I'm sad tonight.

[Fluttering]

Anna

Brutally Honest...? It is just honest...I feel the same way. I wantto see my father..but my mother does not want me to come home. I want to see him to tell him eye to eye that I forgive him.
My honesty is...I had to learn to forgive him and forgive my mother..for my own emotional sobriety and for my own peace of mind -- not for either of them.."Forgiveness is a gift I give to myself" [heard at a meeting]

my mother was physioically violent, and emotionally and verbally abusive...My mother chose to deny my fathers illness of being as sexual predator. She locked me away..saying it was my fault

My father never knew..or also denied my mother's violent abuse so neither one was there for me
the holidays sometimes trigger the abandonment issues and the shame

BUt we are comfortted to know we have a FAther God that has never and will never abandon us and has more love in each of us than all the parent sin the world.

I will not be going to church tomarrow becasue it is Father's Day.and there are special things going on for the fathers in the church....instead I will ask someone to get me to a meeting.

thank you for your honesty Anna...Sometimes I can only acknowledge the way I feel when i hear others share what I am feeling...THANK YOU

[Live]

hugs, Anna.

[namommy]

((((((((((anna))))))))))

I will keep you in my prayers.

[CarolD]

I detest Hallmark Inc.
for stating all this crapola.

Was it last last year that
we had a thread here on bad Dads?

(+) (+) (+)
Hugs and Prayers

[Surlyredhead]

I understand what you are all talking about. My Father was mentally abusive my whole life, apparently it was my fault that I was not a boy. Anyway, that relationship was toxic so I ended it, I haven't spoken to him in 15 years and I don't miss him either. I don't wish any ill will toward him..he is just null and void to me. I am very fortunate to have the best Step Dad ever...I don't refer to him as that, I introduce him as my Father, he has been married to my Mom for over 35 years.

(((((LIR))))) Ladies In Recovery

Cathy

[barb dwyer]

I'm starting to think they made up these 'holidays' just to get alcoholics spinning.

[BigSis]

((((... just hugs... ))))

[Hope]

My heart goes out to you, Anna. I'm so sorry that you are feeling the hurt.
I can relate to that hurt you feel over your dad.

My dad has caused me the same hurt in my life.

Thank you so much for your honesty. I know it is hard to talk about but you are doing a great thing by sharing. I know it will help you and it helps others that are feeling the same thing.

Huge hugs.

You're in my thoughts.

[Fluttering]

HUgs to all

[classysista]

i feel you on the father thing.. i used to blame him for my men problems i find my self in .. (still do sumtimes) but then i remembered that even though he did so many messeed up things to me God tells me to forgive.. in order for me to let God heal what i call my DADDY WOUND i had to give it to him so now its healing .. it hurts espeically when My true father God medicates it.. and ask me to do things for him i dont want to to do.. like tonite i wasnt going to buy him a fathers day card but i past this little shop and they had fathers day cards for 39cents..

i wanted to give the devil a heart attack so i bought my daddy a card (he might get it late but owell) when iwas looking at the cards it was so hard to pick one out that i actually belived they all said stuff like "thank you daddy for all the things you have done for me" and i cant help but to go back to those memories were he would reject me , hit me , lock himeself in his room and smoke weed, there i was longing for him so i went and found it in a man who would give it to me temporarily...

to make a long story short i have to CHOOSE to forgive if i ever want my daddy wound healed. so i will try to love my earth father the same way my heavnely father does even though it really hurts.

[indigo]

I'm sorry you're hurting Anna, Remember you are strong......holding you close as you hold me.

Annie

[CarolD]

Last years thread....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hlight=Fathers (Relationship with your Dad?)

[IO Storm]

My heart goes out to all of you who have suffered and are

suffering..there are no flowery words or cliche's that I could

say to any of you my friends.

I am proud to be in your company..women of fortitude and

strength ..

I am humbled by your sharing and reaching out to others while

you suffer from the effects of not having a "Good Dad".

I pray that your Higher Power wrap you in arms of love

that you were denied from earthly fathers.

I love of all you so much..you all have helped me so much.

Love,



IO

[thiskidknows]

I'm sorry ur feeling sad Anna and everyone else who doesn't have good memories of a father, I wish I could take the pain away..

I can relate to how ur feeling about "fathers" day, I've not seen my old man since I was 6 after he walked out of my life after se*ually ab*sing me and physically ab*sing my mum and siblings. he said in touch with my siblings but never acknowledged me, my mum knew what was happening and done nothing. However, when I was 12 my mum re-married and I changed my name to the same as he's..my step dad is the person who gets a "fathers" day card from me..he also used to touch me, make se*ual remarks it wasn't bad stuff like my old man, but my step dad has also been physically violent with me.

I don't understand why we have a fathers or mothers day, when anyone can be a father or a mother but it takes someone special to be a mum or dad...I think it should be renamed, or completely scrapped....its just unnecessary reminds for those who aren't fortunate to have had a mum and/or dad.

sorry I've gabbled on here, sorry...I hate "fathers" day and the memories. Sorry

[Live]

ALLA,

That photo is incredibly moving! I couldn't stop looking at it. I wish I had a frame-able copy!
But laughing, I see myself in the one 2d from the left and wish I still had the looks of the 3d! Time to color the gray again!

I will call my Dad today.
We are not close, but my folks did the best they knew how and I have much to be thankful of.
I used to hold some resentments that they weren't perfect....but age and learning what some childhoods are like make me know I was lucky.

I send hugs to all of you who suffered such abuses. I truly cannot imagine.

live

[teej]

I'm so sorry Anna. What is it about Dad's anyway? My feelings are regularly hurt by my Dad too. A different situation than yours, but still so.
I'm not EVEN going to try and explain my probs with my Dad, other than to say we are complete opposites.
But I know how your heart feels. I'm here if you ever need an ear, and you know my email.

[teej]

Alla, I like that picture too!! How cool!

[scaredykat]

Hi girls,

You will probably think this is weird. But I love my Dad. I don't know why. I guess its because he's the only Dad I'll ever have. I don't love what he did to me or my mother. He was very abusive and violent to my mother and me when i was growing up. I knew what fear was at 3 years old. My mother was born with cerebral palsy and I remember him knocking her to the floor when I was 3. Sorry to be so graphic. He's not an alcoholic or drug user ever. I'm the only drunk in the family. He does have mental and emotional problems, and was severely abused as a child himself. He's been in counseling for many years that started when I went in high school. My parents will be married 42 years next month. I don't know how my mother stayed with him all these years. I could never live with him again. He's still not right in the head and I can still be scared of him after all these years even at my age now. I don't see him much any more after they moved to Texas, but talk on the phone with both of them 2 times a month or so. I guess that's all I wanted to share. I guess it is strange that I love him still, but he's my Dad.

Barb

[rachange]

My father was the best dad ever till I was 9. Thats when my mom went to rehab to get sober he was suppose to go when she got out. He didn't. Then he started abusing her mentally. Luckily I don't remember or have blocked it out I don't know. My mother stayed strong though out it all. She took us moved us to a better place and raised us the best she could on her own. He was still sorta a part of our life my brother and I until my brother came out of the closet to him at 15. He can't handle it I thought I was because he is Costa Rican and maybe that was unacceptable, but the rest of his family is fine with it. So for the past 3 years I haven't spoken to him. I won't speak to him ever again either and I am fine with that. I am sad that I don't have the daughter father relationships most girls have, but that just makes me positive on not having children with any man I feel will not be there for life. I still don't hate my father though. I just feel sorry for him he has nothing to show for his life and he made it that way.