why

[thiskidknows]

I've had to call the police on my ex, I went out for a walk and he followed me and started shouting at me for ignoring he's calls during the nite, I went home and he followed me and started hitting and shouting at me. he then done something dirty and horrible and I hate it I hate it. I feel sick and want to disappear why does he just want to hurt me, why can't he love me, why can't I be loved and held with lovin hands and not ones from people who only want to hit me or have se*, am I so unloveable, is this how its always going to be. I can't go out with out old men learing at me its dirty and disgusting and I hate it. Ppl keep saying I look 17 or 18, why can't I look my age then ppl might leave me alone. I hate the person I am, I really hate me, I hate my body, I hate every inch of me. How can I love or even like me when I really hate me. I'm sorry I just doon't know what to do, I feel so lost. I only wanted to go out for a walk everything goes wrong all the time, why can't I just feel free for an hour or so. why. sorry

[Anna]

You did the right thing Lost.

Can you some kind of restraining order/order of protection from the police against him?

If you do that he will be arrested every time he comes near you. It would be a great help for you and keep you safe.

Keep going to the police and do any paper work they give you to do.

You can get through this. Just keep taking the steps you need to take.

[expenguin]

You can file charges against him and the police will keep track........

getting a restraining order is good......I'v done that to protect me when I was dating this guy that was in the program.....he got so abusive toward me and wouldn't leave me alone............he kept calling and would be nasty to who ever answered the phone.................What a mess I thought I could never get rid of ..

The restraining order did it and the police kept telling me when he got served............I was scared and kept looking over my shoulder...........................

You can do this and the other things you need to consider is change that phone number....make it unlisted....and think about moving far away if possible.................this would stop him from finding you..........and don't let your friends tell him where you are...........

The last thing to really consider is file for a divorce while getting that restraining order..................just slap the guy with all sorts of papers........................

I will pray for you that all works out.................You need some peace in your life............Hugs for you from me.........

Little Penguin

[Live]

The last time someone followed me, I changed course and headed for the police station.

But as said above, it really is safest if they no longer know how or are able to find you....either by phone or in person.

You can go to a domestic shelter.

You deserve to be safe.

When I first came to Florida it took awhile for it to soak in that no one knew me here...and when that realization hit I felt so wonderful...I was free!

No more looking over my shoulder!

Take care, glad to hear from you. We all care.

[thiskidknows]

Thank you for ur replies. I can't get a restraining order because we have never been married and have no children together. The police adviced me to speak to citzens advice beureu, or law society and apply for something called a civil injunction, but it means going to court and having all evidence, dates, times and details of what has happened..because this is the first time I've actually done anything, the last few times the police were called I told them it was just ar arguement and they left. So I guess I live in fear and wait and just record each time he does do something. He's already started the calls, telling me he's upset that I let him down, how could I do that to him, I'm he's women and no1 else will have me. I've locked all the doors, cause he's gone to the pub and has been tooting, and what ever else he has done today. He just doesn't get it, 15 years we have been "together", 9 of which have been violent..someone told me he was a ped***** cause I was 12 and he was 19 but I was the one who started all this, I am to blame, I should never have got on drugs, I should never had done it.

[thiskidknows]

I have moved away before, and changed all my numbers I told 2 friends where I had gone and he still managed to find me. It seems whatever I do isn't good enough.

[Anna]

Be patient and stick with it.

My daughter was stalked by a man she did not know. She was able to get the police involved, though admittedly they can't be there every minute. But, it's one thing you can do. And, yes she had to write everything down and go to the police station each time something happened. Do whatever you need to do.

My strong advice would be to go to a shelter. They will have the resources to help you begin a new life. You need to take the steps to help yourself through this.

[thiskidknows]

I'm sorry to hear about ur daughter, I don't understand why people are like this, why they can't just leave people alone to get on with they lives.

I will keep a diary he's been calling all afternoon, and is really mad at the moment..I just want him to calm down. A shelter, like a domestic violence shelter? I thought that was only for people who lived with they partner and were DV survivors.

[Live]

You are a victim of domestic violence and you are in danger. Go while you are still a survivor!

There are some stickies at the top of the Women in Recovery forum and the Friends and Families forums that have alot of information about partner violence and how to protect yourself. Also some great stickies at the tops of the mental health forums that may help you with the other things. And, as for the drugs, they have stickies of important information too.

Living in fear is a horror I will never forget. Please know from me that it doesn't have to be like this. But please don't let him know what you are up to or what you are thinking and hide that you are documenting things. He may well become even more dangerous.

It is time to take care of lovely you.

hugs,
Tena

[Anna]

A shelter would be for a woman like you who is being harrassed and followed and phoned by a man. And, you have him coming to your house and you don't feel safe.

If he doesn't have keys to your place, then you should be okay. Just don't open the door. Don't answer the phone. Do you have caller ID? If he has a key, then change the locks.

[thiskidknows]

He doesn't have a key and u have to go thru 2 doors to get to my place..I have tried to make sure that he doesn't get in, I have also spoken to someone and they said I can ask for a panic alarm to be installed that goes straight to the police so I will speak to the council on monday.

I lost almost all my family because of him because they didn't approve that I was dating someone of a mixed race, they said it was an ultimate syn...last time I saw them, I was threatened and told never to see any of my family again and that I should always watch my back..my uncle is part of the police service, which is why I know longer trust the police.

I will read the stickies. Thank you.

[Live]

YAY a panic button!

I was separated from my family for a long time because of the relationship I was in also.
However, from the sound of things, your family sounds pretty toxic to me anyway.

To many here, SR is the family!

[thiskidknows]

Yes my family are pretty toxic, a friend once said to me that my family is so complicated and always having something going on that it makes her grateful for her family...

I can see why people say that SR is they family, everyone is much nicer and kinder then anyone i know in real time.

[CarolD]

Please please do go talk to the people at a DV center.

I have no idea what is possble n London...they will.

And you are smart and young with so much ahead of you!
I envy your healthy future.
You too can find healing and peace.

Mega Hugs LC

[Fluttering]

You are not defined by the wway others treat you. You are a loveable human beuing and a very precious child of God.
You will get through this becasue you are not =walking alone. We are beside you and we are holding you up in prayer. Our great creator is by your side and he has carried you in the past and is willing to carry the load for yuou now if you allow him to. he is waiting for you to ask Him.

You are in my prayers and I send you mega hugs, love, peace and healing.

thank you for sharing with us....please keep us posted...PLEASE

[indigo]

If he is harrassing you, married or not you should be able to file for an injunction to keep him way away from you....failing this maybe a women's shelter (for battered women) they exist all over England. And there is always the Samaritans or Salvation army. He's a bully and he needs a kick in the right direction, away from you. Thinking of you.

indie

[expenguin]

Hi...I came back to check on you........sounds like there are things still going on......

You can still get a restraining order if married or not........I went to a place that helped me as I couldn't afford it on my own......they were a big help ........................in fact they helped me type up the problems with few dates............All I needed is how long the guy caused problems and went from there.....................in the end the courts and the police delivered the paperwork..............

You can do this........check with a domestic violence place like everyone is saying..............there is a place for you to get some help................

And I say CHANGE THAT PHONE NUMBER........this is a must.......don't share it with anyone for a while except someone you need to talk to.......someone he doesn't know..................

I have faith that this will work and you will sleep in peace without looking over your shoulder................

I hated looking over my shoulder all the time............I finally got to the point of trusting a special someone that I am now married to...............I moved far away from my problem person ..........and my other half knows about this other guy and all the problems he caused me..........................

God understands and knows what you are going through...........I pray each day to have peace of mind and heart just to get through things like this..................it really works and getting to meetings with those that I know I can get Hugs from......................

Hang in there and know that you have loads of friends here in SR.......................

Little Penguin

[Fluttering]

Dear lOST
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE MARRIED FOR STALKING TO BE A CRIME.
There is a solution. One need not live their life on fear or to alwasy be lookingover their shoulder. That is not freedom. I believe you already answered the questionof what to do...you said it yourself. You told who? When you go you can not trust anyone with this information as to where you are going. People that stalk are very manipulative and are able to get most anything they want from others becasue the disease of manipulation is so strong and powerful.
Wrap yourselves inthe love, care, grace and protection of your Higher power and ask for direction. he will answer.

[OnceNice]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. Keep calling the police and keep taking care of yourself. You are good. Oh I know this story sooo much. Oh please don't hate yourself because of others. I like you, I understand you. You don't know why they hurt you, you don't know why when you try so hard to be good,

Lost Child you keep sticking up for yourself and taking care of yourself. Don't get lost in other peoples lies. Please, your are good, you are very very very good. I know you I know you well and you are good I can see it in your posts and you need to know that people care.

[Fluttering]

Lost

how are you doing?

Anything new?
Were yu able to find soem help?

You are on my prayer list.

Sending positive thoughts, love, peace, and mega hugs

[thiskidknows]

I'm doing to good, sorry. He's been in touch with me, but I've not let him in and the council came around this afternoon 2 men and now I've dirt and germs everywhere and I can't get rid of it, on me and in the house. He did say the other day, does this mean its over...maybe he realises it is, but I miss him but don't want him back, I just miss havin some sort of company.

I hope ur ok?

Thinking of u

Lost xx

[Live]

Remember, it will not all feel better presto, chango...but you have been taking the first steps to better your life in all its aspects. Each of these steps, including your appmt tomorrow will lead to better consequences in your life.

I hope this site is a source of strength and encouragement for you.

live

[rachange]

Lost,
I was in a similar situation 2 years ago. I fell in love with an abuser when I was 17 and stayed with him for 5 years. He was also a coke addict. I lived with thinking I could change him. That my love was worth it.. We fought the last two years we were together constantly. I called the cops a dozen times and never pressed charges. Now that I've been out of that relationship for 2 years I wish I had pressed charges the first time. He thrived off the way he was and what he did to me and I was too blinded by love to see it. Congratulation's on sticking up for yourself that there shows you are stronger than most women. You need to see the strength in yourself. Your still young and you can change where you are headed. 2 years ago I was in your spot. Today I am happier than I've ever been. Now I'm trying to stay sober and strong for myself. I don't worry about him anymore.

[thiskidknows]

SR is a source of strength and encouragement, I feel that I fit in and am worried that people will walk away from me I don't know, I don't really understand why everyone is so nice, I keep expecting everyone to walk away, ignore me, hate me. sorry, just want to cry and be held is that so bad, its pathetic isn't it. 27 and wants to cry and be held. Sorry.

[Live]

It's okay to cry...and hug pillows or stuffed animals or a photo of yourself....or to comfort yourself. Maybe go for a walk, or go ahead and eat something you really enjoy.
Take it one minute, one hour at a time.
Maybe the next visit with the daily check in nurse, you can turn those drink and drugs over to them. Or you can make a mad dash to the loo and flush those enemies yourself? TAKE THAT you life robbers, AHA!