mum and I..

[thiskidknows]

my mum and I have a really bad relationship, she blames me for everything from my father hitting her and my siblings (I was excused from the phyisical ab*se, father and I had our own nite time games) to something been broken in the house when we was younger. Recentely my mother moved away, this weekend I saw her on Saturday, I don't talk to my brother, 20 years of him hitting me, headbutting me, strangling me had to end the last time he hit me was January and mum wants me forgive him..this weekend she told me she loved me, she's never once said that, she never hugged me..I have 3 sibilings but I was black sheep...27 years I waited to feel an equal to them, for her to acknowledge me.

You say u care
you say u love
but where was u when I needed you?
no where, that's where.

You knew what was happening
but u stood back and watched
you knew that I was hurting
and u just added more.

why mum, why now?
why couldn't u tell me it would be ok
why couldn't u say u loved me
why couldn't u even cuddle me

why mum, why now?
why did it have to wait so many years
why did it have to wait for u to move away
why couldn't u see the hurt u caused.

why mum, why now?
u say ur never understand
but u don't need to understand to care
u don't need to understand to love

I'm ur daughter mum
it shouldn't have been like this
it shouldn't have been u against me
it shouldn't have ended like this mum.

mum, u hurt me now u want me to forgive
but I don't know if I can or if I ever will
u hurt me mum, u hurt me bad
2day cause of u, i have tears in my eyes.

you hurt me mum, and i don't know what to do
I don't feel to good at the minute mum
and its hurting real bad
all I want to do is end it right now.

I don't want my life anymore mum
I'm sorry if that hurts
I'm sorry mum I can't take anymore
I'm sorry mum, I'm sorry.

I just wanted my family to accept me, if they can accept me maybe then I can move on, but I can't move on and they won't accept me. sorry for complaining. sorry.

[Anna]

You can move on and you need to.

When you are in toxic relationships, they will cause you pain always. You can move on.

[lanie67]

I just wanted my family to accept me, if they can accept me maybe then I can move on, but I can't move on and they won't accept me. Sorry for complaining. sorry.

What does acceptance from a family like this mean? I know how it feels, I am the blacksheep in my family too. Of course it is human and natural to want acceptance from your family, especially if you are treated as the family's toxic waste dump. But the truth is that if they are stuck in this sick way of relating then they need to change, to grow, and if you stay in that system of relating to them then you are helping them stay stuck. It is they who should want your forgiveness and acceptance after all this bad treatment, not the other way around. ((((((((hugs))))))))

[indigo]

I agree with Anna and lanie these people are toxic you deserve more and they do not deserve you. They have stolen and violated your childhood and human right's. I believe if our biological family are toxic, then we must move on and find our own family and friends who are worth loving.

indigo

[justjo]

You have nothing to be sorry for. This may sound crazy to many but I find with all the horrible things that have or will happen to us, need to be forgiven. Yes forgive them for being who they are. Accept thats who they were/still are. Accept that you are OK and love yourself. It is not your fault.
This does not mean in anyway or form that you have to see, be with or talk to them. On the contrary, release them from your life and forgive them for their sins.
This will release so much pain from you. You will never change them, accept that please.
In my family, 3 siblings saw my father in a different way. I accepted they way he was, it was not his fault, he was sick. It did take me a long time to get to this. Mum did all she could and all she knew at the time. I forgive. I too was never told I was loved, never hugged. I was Joanne. Who! The survivor.
You never forget, but if you move on and start a new beginning for yourself, life will feel better.