Time to admit it... - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

observer · 05-02-2007, 05:17 AM

This thing is bigger than me. I need help. I can't do this on my own. I feel sooooo lost!!!

***Anna*** · 05-02-2007, 05:52 AM

Hi Observer,

Addiction is very powerful. But, we're here for you and you can get through this. I hope you keep reading and learning.

observer · 05-02-2007, 05:55 AM

I'm going to try to find an AA group locally. I can't handle this anymore.

indigo · 05-02-2007, 06:35 AM

Whatever it takes and whatever feels most comfortable is the best path forward, I'm glad that you're seeking help. We are always open here 24/7 and there is usually someone to help out.

indigo

Rowan · 05-02-2007, 08:58 AM

I couldn't do it without AA either, Observer.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Feel free to PM me anytime.
You aren't alone - and you can do this. There is hope.

Rowan

livefree · 05-02-2007, 10:07 AM

Good for you for coming to terms with your problem. Going to AA is a very smart choice. I was nervous about going to AA, but it has been a HUGE help. Keep posting. This website has helped me a lot. The newcomers section is great. Best of luck!

observer · 05-02-2007, 10:09 AM

I'm going to start losing my friends if I don't soon do something. I feel so worthless right now. Like many on here, I was also abused as a child, sexually. I don't know if this is my coping mechanism. But it does feel like some sort of an escape. But when I drink, I flirt... and then sometimes, that leads to more. I don't want to get a reputation, if I haven't already gotten one. I feel like such scum, seriously! Another reason I drink is because I get soooo bored, sitting at home alone, with nobody to talk to & nobody calling.

indigo · 05-03-2007, 02:07 AM

You are definately not worthless please remember you are a beautiful human being addiction tricks us into thinking we are worthless, we are not, if you can you might try exercising, or reading and listening to calming music, taking a walk or a long bath helps. You're on my positive thoughts list.

observer · 05-03-2007, 05:15 AM

Well, I made it through last night without any alcohol. I have a bit of wine in my fridge. Wasn't even in the mood to touch it! I had a good talk with a close friend of mine & she was very supportive. One day at a time, right? I haven't called AA yet... but I still have the number to find out where the closest meeting is & will definitely use it, if need be. You all are so wonderful & I appreciate your words of encouragement. I don't know what I'd do without you! My friends don't know what I'm going through right now. I was at the point where I didn't even want to talk to anybody last night. I just felt like I was dirt. I was very down on myself. I feel a bit better today.

ghostgirl · 05-03-2007, 06:16 AM

glad to hear it! i know just what you mean... i tend to isolate a lot. i have a sponsor, but i rarely go to meetings like i know i'm supposed to. i'm coming up on three months, and its been really hard sometimes. the feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness sometimes are so strong. i have the most difficult time letting other people "in"... even my sponsor.

i'm glad tohear you did it... one day at a time!

indigo · 05-03-2007, 08:05 AM

You are doing great Observer, you're rocking, keeping you in my thoughts.

Rowan · 05-03-2007, 10:14 AM

Observer, I'm so glad that you didn't drink. Can you pour that wine out? I can't have it around - too easy to reach for it in times of emotional distress.

I understand the whole boredom thing - that's how it was for me at the very end. I had completely cut myself off from others - and didn't answer the phone or door (they had stopped calling and dropping by anyway). I urge you to call AA while your resolve is so strong .. before denial creeps back in .. as it sometimes does.

You aren't worthless - you're a wonderful human being and I'm so glad that you are here. Please keep posting.

Rowan

lanie67 · 05-03-2007, 01:07 PM

ditto on what rowan said about pouring the wine out, sometimes feeling good is more dangerous than feeling bad because we feel like we can 'handle it'. If we are addicted the results will always be the same no matter what state of mind we are when we pick up.

observer · 05-04-2007, 06:21 AM

I know you're gonna say I did wrong last night... & I admit I probably did. I had 2 drinks, when my friend & I went out. But I behaved & went straight home afterward. I didn't call or text anyone. And I made it to work today too. I'm weak & no, I won't hide behind that excuse. I'm just admitting it.

indigo · 05-04-2007, 08:04 AM

Nobody is going to say you did wrong observer, you have started well and if you want sobriety enough then it can be yours, put away tomorrow it's gone we only have today.

indigo

Rowan · 05-04-2007, 09:02 AM

Denial can be pretty powerful - and we do our best to control our intake - then congratulate ourselves for behaving.
If you are an alcoholic, this type of controlled drinking won't last. I dearly hope that you don't have to go this route in order to make it back.
You have made a wonderful beginning. Sobriety is a lot of work, and it means changing a lot of things, but I promise you - you will experience a life way beyond your wildest dreams - if only you will be willing to do whatever it takes.
I really appreciate your honesty - thanks for that.

Rowan

Fluttering · 05-04-2007, 12:31 PM

Hi observer
how are you doing?
Rowan mentioned denial. Denial is a part of our disease. From my own dysfunctional family I have also learned denial is a disesae in and of itself. In recovery the indespinsible keys to our recovery are: Honesty, openmindedness and willingnes.
Honesty is not just cash register honesty-it is self honesty and it is honesty and integrity in our dealings with others, with that honesty comes the need for us to be gentle with ourselves. Recovery is not about abuse. We get to learn here how to care for ourselves with love and compasion.
Please keep posting

05-02-2007, 05:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
observer Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Central PA Posts: 35	Time to admit it... This thing is bigger than me. I need help. I can't do this on my own. I feel sooooo lost!!!

05-02-2007, 05:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,821	Hi Observer, Addiction is very powerful. But, we're here for you and you can get through this. I hope you keep reading and learning. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

05-02-2007, 06:35 AM	#4 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Whatever it takes and whatever feels most comfortable is the best path forward, I'm glad that you're seeking help. We are always open here 24/7 and there is usually someone to help out. indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

05-03-2007, 02:07 AM	#8 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	You are definately not worthless please remember you are a beautiful human being addiction tricks us into thinking we are worthless, we are not, if you can you might try exercising, or reading and listening to calming music, taking a walk or a long bath helps. You're on my positive thoughts list. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

05-03-2007, 08:05 AM	#11 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	You are doing great Observer, you're rocking, keeping you in my thoughts. __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

05-02-2007, 05:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
observer Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Central PA Posts: 35	I'm going to try to find an AA group locally. I can't handle this anymore.

05-02-2007, 08:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,136	I couldn't do it without AA either, Observer. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. Feel free to PM me anytime. You aren't alone - and you can do this. There is hope. Rowan

05-02-2007, 10:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
livefree Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 294	Good for you for coming to terms with your problem. Going to AA is a very smart choice. I was nervous about going to AA, but it has been a HUGE help. Keep posting. This website has helped me a lot. The newcomers section is great. Best of luck!

05-02-2007, 10:09 AM	#7 (permalink)
observer Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Central PA Posts: 35	I'm going to start losing my friends if I don't soon do something. I feel so worthless right now. Like many on here, I was also abused as a child, sexually. I don't know if this is my coping mechanism. But it does feel like some sort of an escape. But when I drink, I flirt... and then sometimes, that leads to more. I don't want to get a reputation, if I haven't already gotten one. I feel like such scum, seriously! Another reason I drink is because I get soooo bored, sitting at home alone, with nobody to talk to & nobody calling.

05-03-2007, 05:15 AM	#9 (permalink)
observer Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Central PA Posts: 35	Well, I made it through last night without any alcohol. I have a bit of wine in my fridge. Wasn't even in the mood to touch it! I had a good talk with a close friend of mine & she was very supportive. One day at a time, right? I haven't called AA yet... but I still have the number to find out where the closest meeting is & will definitely use it, if need be. You all are so wonderful & I appreciate your words of encouragement. I don't know what I'd do without you! My friends don't know what I'm going through right now. I was at the point where I didn't even want to talk to anybody last night. I just felt like I was dirt. I was very down on myself. I feel a bit better today.

05-03-2007, 06:16 AM	#10 (permalink)
ghostgirl Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 229	glad to hear it! i know just what you mean... i tend to isolate a lot. i have a sponsor, but i rarely go to meetings like i know i'm supposed to. i'm coming up on three months, and its been really hard sometimes. the feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness sometimes are so strong. i have the most difficult time letting other people "in"... even my sponsor. i'm glad tohear you did it... one day at a time!

05-03-2007, 10:14 AM	#12 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,136	Observer, I'm so glad that you didn't drink. Can you pour that wine out? I can't have it around - too easy to reach for it in times of emotional distress. I understand the whole boredom thing - that's how it was for me at the very end. I had completely cut myself off from others - and didn't answer the phone or door (they had stopped calling and dropping by anyway). I urge you to call AA while your resolve is so strong .. before denial creeps back in .. as it sometimes does. You aren't worthless - you're a wonderful human being and I'm so glad that you are here. Please keep posting. Rowan

05-03-2007, 01:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
lanie67 Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: south east Posts: 216	ditto on what rowan said about pouring the wine out, sometimes feeling good is more dangerous than feeling bad because we feel like we can 'handle it'. If we are addicted the results will always be the same no matter what state of mind we are when we pick up. __________________ My head will tell me anything about you it can to get you out of my life so that you can't help me. Bob E.

05-04-2007, 06:21 AM	#14 (permalink)
observer Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Central PA Posts: 35	I know you're gonna say I did wrong last night... & I admit I probably did. I had 2 drinks, when my friend & I went out. But I behaved & went straight home afterward. I didn't call or text anyone. And I made it to work today too. I'm weak & no, I won't hide behind that excuse. I'm just admitting it.

05-04-2007, 08:04 AM	#15 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	Nobody is going to say you did wrong observer, you have started well and if you want sobriety enough then it can be yours, put away tomorrow it's gone we only have today. indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

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05-04-2007, 09:02 AM	#16 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,136	Denial can be pretty powerful - and we do our best to control our intake - then congratulate ourselves for behaving. If you are an alcoholic, this type of controlled drinking won't last. I dearly hope that you don't have to go this route in order to make it back. You have made a wonderful beginning. Sobriety is a lot of work, and it means changing a lot of things, but I promise you - you will experience a life way beyond your wildest dreams - if only you will be willing to do whatever it takes. I really appreciate your honesty - thanks for that. Rowan

05-04-2007, 12:31 PM	#17 (permalink)
Fluttering Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Fluttering About Posts: 3,473	Hi observer how are you doing? Rowan mentioned denial. Denial is a part of our disease. From my own dysfunctional family I have also learned denial is a disesae in and of itself. In recovery the indespinsible keys to our recovery are: Honesty, openmindedness and willingnes. Honesty is not just cash register honesty-it is self honesty and it is honesty and integrity in our dealings with others, with that honesty comes the need for us to be gentle with ourselves. Recovery is not about abuse. We get to learn here how to care for ourselves with love and compasion. Please keep posting __________________