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05-01-2007, 05:22 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England
Posts: 392
|  might trigger, apologises...lost years, lost child I met Daniel (partner) when I was 12 years, at the time I was being "ab*sed" by a family friend member..I turned too drugs but couldn't afford to pay for them..I had a choice to make, 1. steal or 2. sell my body..I choose the latter. He was 19 when we meet, and was the local dealer. He knew I was into drugs and I couldn't afford them so the agreement was set in place.I gave him se* and he gave me drugs...for 6 years the agreement worked until the day I tried to change that, the day I didn't jump to he's demand. It was just after my 18, the first time he changed. He was in the pub across the road, and I was in another pub with friends, he wanted me to go over and I didn't..when the pubs closed he was outside, we argued and he took my hand and pulled me towards the cab office, we didn't go into the cab office..he took me behind the cab office and pushed me up against the wall, and then he had se* with me, he forced me against the wall and had se* from behin&, he then hit me and told me "never ****ing ignore me again bitch you owe me, noone will ever have you but me". Since that nite, our relationship changed, the se* has got worse and so has the violence, he's not always like that mind, he can be nice...we split up in January, but he continue to call and come round, demanding se* if I said no he would hit me and do it anyway..so I learnt to say no. Last nite we went for a walk but it had to be after dark, we went out we spoke and then he decided that he wanted se* and in the middle of a park he decided to take it. HOWEVER.. This morning, I've had calls, text messages from an unknown mobile number...HE'S GIRLFRIEND. I'm livid, I can't believe that he has not just being hurting me but also lying to me, he always said I was the only girl for him, that he loved me and me only but it was a LIE. a BIG fat LIE. I feel so angry at him, at myself for keeping my eyes closed for so long..allowing him to do what he wanted just because he was the one person in the world who loved me...but it was RUBBISH...AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED HE CAN GO TO HELL I DON'T NEED HIM ANYMORE, YES IT HURTS BUT THE YEARS I'VE LOST HURT MORE. sorry I'm just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... I've lost so many years to ab*se, 27 years of ab*se, I can't ever get them years back and I continue the ab*se of myself. sorry....am I really that unloveable, that I can't see love for what it is... sorry everyone..now u know my true colours. sorry |
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05-01-2007, 06:17 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 10,256
| Lost child, This is a very bad situation. You need to contact the police and report the sexual abuse/rape. You need to get a restraining order to keep him away from you or to have him arrested if he comes near you. If you can change phone numbers, change locks, move - do whatever you can do to get this toxic person out of your life. Please take action and look after yourself. |
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__________________ Anna  "I don't know what the future is holding in store I don't know where Im going, Im not sure where Ive been Theres a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I don't need to see the end." John Denver | |
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05-01-2007, 07:13 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 8,808
| You are definately not unloveable, quite the reverse, you are a beautiful human being who has been damaged, please never stop believing that. Abuse led me to drink and drugs too. Anna has given you some very sound advice, you need him out of your life what he did was a violation of your rights. I might possibly go to see your doctor if he/she is a compassionate one and you trust them enough to talk to them. As well as the police to file a rape charge against this person. I am holding you in my thoughts and heart. Safe hugs indie |
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__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  Last edited by indigo; 05-01-2007 at 07:33 AM. | |
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05-01-2007, 07:28 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,364
| lost, honey......you are being raped......i think you know that, but somewhere inside he has made you feel like you deserve it, and that is absolutely not true......noone deserves this........ listen to anna......call the police! he deserves to be in prison for what he has done to you......oh, lost, sweetie.......please find some help.........you are beautiful, and kind and a friend to so many here already....... if there is ANYTHING i can do......if you need to talk, or anything at all...pm me.....i'm here every day........ you are not unlovable. you do not deserve this. he is dangerous. please find a way to get away from him....... (((((((lost)))))))) |
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05-01-2007, 09:01 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2004 Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,349
| (((((((Lost)))))))) The things you describe are things that happened TO you, not things that define who you are. Reading your post I see a woman who sounds scared, lonely, compassionate, and very, very loveable. I agree that you should contact the police, but also understand that it might be something you're not yet ready to do. I'm more concerned though that you have someone in your face to face life that you can share this with - a friend, a family member, a sponsor, or maybe a counselor? Even calling an abuse hotline might be helpful to you. Sending loads of prayers, hugs, and LOVE, Trisha |
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__________________ Faith... When you come to the end of all the light you know and you are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught how to fly. | |
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05-01-2007, 11:38 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England
Posts: 392
| I have changed my telephone number I don't know if I feel ready to report him to the police, I have once before and the consequences were so much worse, but I do want him out of my life, I'm also scared that if I go to the police about him, then all my past will come out and I'm not physically or mentally strong enough at the moment. If he does come near me again I will be calling the police straight away, that u can be sure off. When I went to the doctors the other month for the dread women thing, she asked me if my boyfriend was doing things to me, I denied it I shouldn't have but I felt so ashamed...I will try to speak to her again..Sorry my heads really all over the place at the moment. I've had a really difficult day, I've been speaking to a 12 year girl who today told me she was being se*ually, physicaly and mentally ab*sed by her parents, 6 hours we were talking and she's asked me not to say anything I promised so that she knew she could trust me, however now I feel obliged to do something..I feel guilty, that she will see it as betrayal she's scared that her parents will hurt her more and harder if they find out she has spoken to me, but I feel guilty if I leave her in that situtation..Unfortuntely, I have just opened a can..I managed to get until 19:30 without but today has drained me, and I needed to calm down. I'm not mentally strong enough for all this. I dont have any friends, family that I can speak to I do however have a counsellor who I'm due to see friday, if I can make it that long, I feel the ground opened up this morning and has pulled me right down to the gutters...I'm struggling and I can't get back up. I'm really sorry u guys don't need this, I'm so sorry. |
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05-01-2007, 12:04 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,485
|  It sound like you are finally waking up! You were a child who was abused and made to feel worthless...that's not your fault! That man preyed upon your insecurities and used you to benfit him! Know there are many places and people who will help you! God bless caileesnana |
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05-01-2007, 12:31 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 512
| {{{Lost child}}} You are loved... None of this was/is your fault. You were a victim, he was/is an abuser... Perhaps this "other woman" is your saving grace, your way out... I'm no women's advocate counselor...but I'm a survivor...of many things, my mom's abuse, my dad's drunkenness, rape... I, too am a recovering addict... I think that drug use is a coping mechanism that we learned to use as children...to survive... I don't need to use any longer...because my life is no longer unmanageable.... Look for resources available to you...make a plan...try to get help and support, safety first...then for the addiction issue... Keep coming back... |
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__________________ There's no gram like the program | |
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05-01-2007, 01:33 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England
Posts: 392
| Thank you Thank you all ur replies...I'm completely shattered, drained, exhausted and have no energy left....minds been all over the world today, but hey...out of all the crap I don't even have the energy to drink, something's changed cause normally after a day like today I would be drinking until I pass out...I know I won't sleep..but at least I won't be drunk. Thank you for all ur help and understand, bless you all. Nite Lost |
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05-01-2007, 04:38 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,364
| lost child.....i'm so sorry for that twelve year old girl.....maybe she is a message to you.......this is something you can do.....help a child who is going through very much the same thing you did......you could make an anonomyous call to the police and child services......and no one will know you are involved.......there will most likely be an investigation, and if it is all true, there will surely be evidence of it......her safety is more important than the risk of losing her trust at the moment.......she is in a very dangerous situation, and needs to get out of it.........i will pray that this all works out...... hugs ayla |
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05-01-2007, 05:52 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 153
| hey sweet girl... that guy doesn't love you. he doesn't love anyone. he has no clue what love is. you are worth so much more than that... it sounds like you've had quite a few years of believing otherwise. when we've been abused as children, its so easy to fall into that trap of thinking that we're just not worth love... believe me, i speak from experience and many many unhealthy relationships later i'm just starting to see it for myself. DO NOT worry yourself with whatever "love" you think that "man" has for the other woman... again, i'd say he doesn't love anyone. you need to focus on getting clean and sober, and seek out people who will help you get/stay that way, and will love you even when you can't love yourself. get thee to an a.a./n.a meeting! |
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05-01-2007, 07:09 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Hope3  Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,007
| Dear Lost, I am so sorry to hear all the pain you are carrying inside you. I work with allot of children that are sexually, mentally, and verbally abused by family and so called friends of family, it happens way to much, and is usually not reported. You are not alone, there is lots of help out there. I am so glad that you are seeing your counselor this week. I just want you to know that you will be ok, your self esteem and confidence will return if you continue to stick to this recovery. Please at least stay away from him. He is a predator, he is hooked on the power and control of it all, not the person he is controlling... I have no idea how the laws are for sexual assaults and child abuse, or rape in your country, so I can't comment on that. I wish you had someone to talk with, or a support group, have you looked for any in your area, that might be a good idea Lost. You are a brave young lady, hang in there and let me know if there is anything I can do from here to help.. hope3 |
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05-01-2007, 09:10 PM
| #13 (permalink) | |
| On a tear  Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,156
| Quote:
And we still love you for who you are... just as you feel love for the 12 year old girl that confided in you. I don't know the system in UK...but if there is a way, perhaps you can call anonymously on her behalf to a child welfare program and ask them to do a check on her... and to be sure to check for sexual and physical abuse. And then pray. Because like you, she is one of God's kids.... all deserving of love and a good life. Bringing this here is EXACTLY what this forum is about. Do what you can, when you are ready. (((hugs))) ...but I can feel that day is much closer than it was before. | |
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__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis | ||
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05-02-2007, 07:48 AM
| #16 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: England
Posts: 392
| I have spoken with NSPCC for advice as the child is questioned feels that If I report the abuse things will be made worse for her, and I know only 2 well that Social services don't remove the children immediately (my neice and nephew are both being abused, and were going thru the courts at the moment for access, and then custody..but were not allowed to remove the children without being arrested for kidnap...law is always on the side of the wrong people). I live quite a distance away and I'm not able to protect her I wish I could, (I'm not family so I feel I could be done kidnapping if I do anything - damned if u do and damned if u do). So for now the NSPCC are going to make investigations (doctor, school) without involving her and in the mean time hoping to gain her confidence and trust so that she would be willing to make a statement and tell them what is happening. Thank you for listening. I've been speaking to her again today for 3-4 hours and I juse feel uselesss.. As for my ex...he keeps harassing me and now I'm being threatened that If I say anything or go to the police then he will hurt me, I'm not allowed to walk away from him cause as he says no other man will ever have me if he can't and he will make sure that no1 ever looks at me again if I think of ending it. Why can't life be easier, why does everything come at once. Sorry I shouldn't droll on the bad things I know, but I can't find any good in my life (except for u guys here, who don't shout at me but listen...seems to be the only people who don't at the moment) Sorry on a big downer. Sorry |
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05-02-2007, 11:59 AM
| #17 (permalink) |
| On a tear Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,156
| Say lost... are there any Adult Child of Alcoholic (ACOA) meetings near you? Or an Alanon meeting with an ACA/ACOA focus? A group like this can be vvvveeerrrrrrryyyy helpful. I've found it is nice, sometimes, to not be the "craziest person in the room".... know what I mean? Wishing you the best... ((hugs)) |
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__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis | |
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