sister and the word rape - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Leslie1210 · 04-19-2007, 09:37 PM

hello everyone..I don't really know where to put this, but since I started this here I'll continue. I think it belongs more in mental health.
My sister called today and said she wanted to know if I still felt her guy 'raped' me. I was totally stunned and told her I never said that. ( he grabbed my ass while on a drinking spree) she is sure that I did and I told her I was willing to clarify that with anyone if it was the issue.

So I did send a note to him and the family clearing it up. The problem is I know I didn't say that. my sister and her guy are hard core addicts and both have PTSD and other mental health issues.
I said I was sorry if he'd actually been sitting with that for 10 years.
I don't think I compromised my own ethics here. At least I hope not. I did say in the note that he grabbed me and I didn't like it.
But I'm depressed about this and a little angry and I don't know why.
I feel like something odd is afoot with all of this.
any thoughts on this ?
Leslie

***Anna*** · 04-20-2007, 06:42 AM

Hi Leslie,

It does sound strange.

It may be possible that they 'heard' what you said, in a different way from what you actually said. Otherwise, it's hard to understand why this would come up, except due to guilt.

You know that you are not responsible for their thoughts and actions and they will believe what they want to believe. It's not good to let someone else's feelings get you depressed and angry, at least not for long. Acknowledge the feelings and let them go. You know what you said and that's what matters.

indigo · 04-20-2007, 08:07 AM

I'm with Anna on this one, let go and set yourself free.

indigo

Leslie1210 · 04-20-2007, 09:40 PM

yep.. opened up my CODA book today to ' proving it to ourselves' v.s. proving anything to others. felt a weight off my shoulders and then my sis called saying she felt I was also owed an apology. I said I agreed and that I would not be making anymore attempts at resolution without an honest response from her husband. She agreed which blew me away..then she told me she'd been clean for 9 months and off certian meds.
I am also trying to start a peer support group in this town for women because I think being so isolated makes me forget certian truths.
thanks again.
This is a really wonderful place and I enjoy it here.
warm regards to all of you,
Leslie

Rowan · 04-20-2007, 09:43 PM

Thanks for sharing your experience, Leslie. I think it's wonderful that she supported you, and also that she's been working on her own recovery.
Well done.

Rowan

Leslie1210 · 04-20-2007, 09:59 PM

thank you!
can't figure out the smilies..but today I think we rocked.

***Anna*** · 04-20-2007, 11:17 PM

Leslie,

The clickable smilies don't work.

Use this page and type out the letters:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...do=showsmilies

Fluttering · 04-20-2007, 11:50 PM

Leslie

that is absolutely wonderful!!!

I am so pleased you ar posting more and more..You and your sister can become so mush closer still by sharing the programof recvery...OUTSTANDING!!!

Leslie1210 · 04-21-2007, 07:13 AM

thanks 51anna!
Allaflutter, well I'm not going to drop all my guard but this is the first conversation we've had like this in ten years. so yes.. I'm hopeful.
hugs to ya,
Leslie

04-19-2007, 09:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
Leslie1210 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Elkhorn Wisconsin Posts: 73	sister and the word rape hello everyone..I don't really know where to put this, but since I started this here I'll continue. I think it belongs more in mental health. My sister called today and said she wanted to know if I still felt her guy 'raped' me. I was totally stunned and told her I never said that. ( he grabbed my ass while on a drinking spree) she is sure that I did and I told her I was willing to clarify that with anyone if it was the issue. So I did send a note to him and the family clearing it up. The problem is I know I didn't say that. my sister and her guy are hard core addicts and both have PTSD and other mental health issues. I said I was sorry if he'd actually been sitting with that for 10 years. I don't think I compromised my own ethics here. At least I hope not. I did say in the note that he grabbed me and I didn't like it. But I'm depressed about this and a little angry and I don't know why. I feel like something odd is afoot with all of this. any thoughts on this ? Leslie __________________ Ring the bell that still can ring, forget the perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. L. Cohen

04-20-2007, 06:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,846	Hi Leslie, It does sound strange. It may be possible that they 'heard' what you said, in a different way from what you actually said. Otherwise, it's hard to understand why this would come up, except due to guilt. You know that you are not responsible for their thoughts and actions and they will believe what they want to believe. It's not good to let someone else's feelings get you depressed and angry, at least not for long. Acknowledge the feelings and let them go. You know what you said and that's what matters. __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

04-20-2007, 08:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
indigo Community Greeter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express Posts: 9,928	I'm with Anna on this one, let go and set yourself free. indigo __________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté

04-20-2007, 09:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Leslie1210 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Elkhorn Wisconsin Posts: 73	yep.. opened up my CODA book today to ' proving it to ourselves' v.s. proving anything to others. felt a weight off my shoulders and then my sis called saying she felt I was also owed an apology. I said I agreed and that I would not be making anymore attempts at resolution without an honest response from her husband. She agreed which blew me away..then she told me she'd been clean for 9 months and off certian meds. I am also trying to start a peer support group in this town for women because I think being so isolated makes me forget certian truths. thanks again. This is a really wonderful place and I enjoy it here. warm regards to all of you, Leslie __________________ Ring the bell that still can ring, forget the perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. L. Cohen

04-20-2007, 09:59 PM	#6 (permalink)
Leslie1210 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Elkhorn Wisconsin Posts: 73	thank you! can't figure out the smilies..but today I think we rocked. __________________ Ring the bell that still can ring, forget the perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. L. Cohen

04-20-2007, 09:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
Rowan Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 12,138	Thanks for sharing your experience, Leslie. I think it's wonderful that she supported you, and also that she's been working on her own recovery. Well done. Rowan

04-20-2007, 11:17 PM	#7 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 22,846	Leslie, The clickable smilies don't work. Use this page and type out the letters: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...do=showsmilies __________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver

04-20-2007, 11:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
Fluttering Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Fluttering About Posts: 3,408	Leslie that is absolutely wonderful!!! I am so pleased you ar posting more and more..You and your sister can become so mush closer still by sharing the programof recvery...OUTSTANDING!!! __________________

04-21-2007, 07:13 AM	#9 (permalink)
Leslie1210 Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Elkhorn Wisconsin Posts: 73	thanks 51anna! Allaflutter, well I'm not going to drop all my guard but this is the first conversation we've had like this in ten years. so yes.. I'm hopeful. hugs to ya, Leslie __________________ Ring the bell that still can ring, forget the perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. L. Cohen

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