Double Gurrrrrrrrrrr - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

zoomer · 04-30-2003, 07:13 AM

GG, I feel after just a couple hours sleep much steadier than I was last night. I'm venting and trying to sort out my confusion, so bear with me. Iv always been sort of a mother tmy mother and have felt responcible for her and her happiness. Iv tried a few times in my life to turn to her for help,but one time I was so disipointed byher selfish behavior and non support that it hurt me to no end and help cost me my sons. She inherited money from my grandmother an she said shewas going to help pay legal fees to help me get my sons back,but she never did and blew the money. I did't care how she spent the money,but the fact I hired a lawyor to help me and lost the case because I could not pay her like I promised because I counted on my mom once in my life. Anyway, after that I had relationship problems and went out to California with my daughter to start a new life. When I got there I wanted to get settled in a responcible way,but alls my mother wanted to do was shop in thrift stores and live off welfare. Her apartment where she was living was cockroach infested and in North Longbeach that had gangs and shooting everyday and night. I had my baby girl and knew that I did not want to give her the life style that I grew up in and knew I was better off in New York. My mother has never forgiven me moving to New York and just yesterday was telling me yet agin how wrong I was to move with my ex (he was then my husband) to New York 15 years ago. Ya, I'd rather be on the west coast,but my children (my sons) are here. Iv always sence the time I was little having to choise between my mother and grandmother. God bless my grandmoter,but she should have never put me against her daughter,nor should my mother let my grandmother take me over. To make a long story short, my mother has had my grandmother take care of her all her life and when my grandmother died, she exspected the same from me. Anywho, I do not have any resentments againstmy mom any more, but I eel sucked back into that child who at all cost has to take areof her mother. It's like to my mother an my family that my life in New York is not real and I should have never left California. Truth be known, I can't take m family for more than afew days because to them "I'm stupid little Christie that has a fu-ked up life). Anyway, Iv done my best twards my mother,my sons and have neglected my family now. My son Imed me ast night and said what a rotten mother I am. Now on a parental veiw, my son hasran away twice from his father and refuses to live here. When I spent at least $10,000 on legal fees toge him and his brother backafte my younger son almosted died my son lied to protect his father. Nowmy boy was only 11,but never the less without him telling the truth and haivng his father brain wash him, Iwent nuts and broke down. It's no his fault know, but that is what happened. He did live with me and I treated him like a king,bu because I broke down after having a new baby, taking hm to foot ball and his demands of ahigher lifestyle and my husband yelling at me for spending too much money just did me in. Plus of course I was drinking too

Anyway, my son is 17 and out of control and I refuse to talk to him when he s swearing at me or forking over money when he does not live with me. I'll buy him clothes, shoes andwhat heneeds for school,but I'm n supporting him when he is making everyone upsetwith his beahavior. Ugh, long post,but I'm alwas feeling guilty of what I have not done for my family (my son's and my mother),but they never take a look to what I have done. I'm here Iv been study as far as being in constant contact and help in any way I can,but it's torn me apart. My husband too is looking always for me to choose. Ugh, I jut want to run away and tell them all to go you know where. Anyway, my main priority is t go to AA and to take care of my babies (the 4 I have at home) I wil go out an see my mom,but I need to learn not to let her make me feel guilty for leading my own life. Thanks for letting me vent.
Zoomer

Paulie · 04-30-2003, 08:35 AM

Isnt' is awesome when we start venting and by the end we come to a conclusion that works for us.

It sounds like you don't have to choose, you can go visit your mom, keep your boundaries set, don't expect anything (expectations are resentments waiting to happen) then come back to the life that you have created in NY. I know I make is sound simple, and believe me I know it is not. Family dynamics are frustrating. I go through the same thing with my family. And just recently through my mom into a tail spin speaking my mind for once and not being the amicalble little girl.

the bottom line zoom is we have to take care of us first! Do what is best for you and your kids.

My new favorite line (that my sponsor told me) is ...practice makes better! No one can be perfect, we just do the best we can!!!

love Pauly

myles1 · 04-30-2003, 11:10 AM

Families are a pain in the ass and it's best to expect nothing from them good or bad unless they have a program of recovery too.

Ngaire

zoomer · 04-30-2003, 03:03 PM

(((((P)))))) ((((((((N))))))!!!
Ha, you made me laugh N! I'm going out to see my mother and go from there. My husband can offord a sitter if I need to take care of my mom and my son desevers a good spank. I can be a wife, a daughter a mother all at once. What I can't do is live up to everyones exspectations of what those rolls intail. I for one am sick of being told I'm not enough of anything exspecailly when it's all one sided. All my life Iv been trying to wait and try to read people before I take action,but it never works out anyway because I'm always wrong. Time to follow my heart and see how people will respond to me

Zoomer

myles1 · 04-30-2003, 05:03 PM

Good idea Zoomer to follow your heart.

Ngaire

zoomer · 04-30-2003, 06:51 PM

Thanks N! My Mom has web TV and I sure hope Ican post from it. I'll be lost without you guys.
Zoomer

zoomer · 05-01-2003, 10:54 PM

Ugh!My Mother has been keeping the truth from me. She has only about 4 weeks left to live. I'm so mad! Just 2 days ago she told me not to rush out! hello If I wait even one extra day,poof she could be gone. All kinds of things are comming to a head and I'm so mixed up. I'm walking around in shock and wake up crying. And I still hate the idea of flying,so I'm scard too. I'm just not a happy camper.
Zoomer

Paulie · 05-02-2003, 08:14 AM

Wow Zoomer -
I am so sorry to hear that. You really need to go see her like you planned, just sooner. I know some people hate flying, I don't like it either, but I love to travel so I do it. Take some recovery stuff to read, like your big book or something. Let us know when you are planning on going. You can get through this, I know you can. You are a strong woman who has come far already. Don't get all up in your head, follow your heart.
god bless zoomer, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

myles1 · 05-02-2003, 11:40 AM

Oh Zoomer I'm so sorry.

Ngaire

zoomer · 05-02-2003, 04:15 PM

Hey Guys, gee wiz I fly out tomorrow. I talked to hospic and they say a week for her to live. Needless to say my cravings ar real bad,but I made it home and got on line. I'm sober! Anyway,don't know if I can be on line at my Mom's but will try. thanks fr all your support. Kiss ad hug.
Love Zoomer

captinspond · 05-02-2003, 05:53 PM

Dear Zoomer:

I'm sorry to hear about your mother! It is always hard to lose someone, but when there are issues, it is more complex. Keep in mind that you are sober and that you will get through this. Remember, AA is everywhere. When I used to go to hockey tournaments with my son (It was adult party time), I always found out where the meetings in that city were. It was difficult, but I made it a point to introduce myself and thank the group for being there - being a friend to a stranger. You will find that going to a meeting will give you support in both staying sober and the issues that you have with your mother. You will be surprised at how many people will reach out to you, if you let them know that you need and appreciate them. The Serenity Prayer always helps me through difficult times. I also add at the end...help me to believe in all that I am, and all that I can be...show me the stairway I have to climb...and please dear God...help me to live One Day At A Time.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Susan

Paulie · 05-02-2003, 06:40 PM

Have a safe trip and remember...we are all there with you! Holding your hand when you need it! Okay, don't forget that.

You can do this, I know you can, just take it slow and ask for quidance. Take your journal with you and keep writing.

You are a strong lady zoom and you have come so far, just keep taking it just one day at a time.

(((zoomer))) sending huge hugs to you. Together we can do this!!!!

zoomer · 05-03-2003, 02:14 AM

Kss to you all. ugh I hate flying and do wish I could drink y screwdriverLOL I'll be fine,but helps talking bout my cravings. I'm glad i have prozac!
Lov Zoomer

Live · 05-03-2003, 08:20 AM

Zoomer,

What can I add? Lots of hugs and you know you have support here in this very difficult time!!

love,
live

04-30-2003, 07:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Double Gurrrrrrrrrrr GG, I feel after just a couple hours sleep much steadier than I was last night. I'm venting and trying to sort out my confusion, so bear with me. Iv always been sort of a mother tmy mother and have felt responcible for her and her happiness. Iv tried a few times in my life to turn to her for help,but one time I was so disipointed byher selfish behavior and non support that it hurt me to no end and help cost me my sons. She inherited money from my grandmother an she said shewas going to help pay legal fees to help me get my sons back,but she never did and blew the money. I did't care how she spent the money,but the fact I hired a lawyor to help me and lost the case because I could not pay her like I promised because I counted on my mom once in my life. Anyway, after that I had relationship problems and went out to California with my daughter to start a new life. When I got there I wanted to get settled in a responcible way,but alls my mother wanted to do was shop in thrift stores and live off welfare. Her apartment where she was living was cockroach infested and in North Longbeach that had gangs and shooting everyday and night. I had my baby girl and knew that I did not want to give her the life style that I grew up in and knew I was better off in New York. My mother has never forgiven me moving to New York and just yesterday was telling me yet agin how wrong I was to move with my ex (he was then my husband) to New York 15 years ago. Ya, I'd rather be on the west coast,but my children (my sons) are here. Iv always sence the time I was little having to choise between my mother and grandmother. God bless my grandmoter,but she should have never put me against her daughter,nor should my mother let my grandmother take me over. To make a long story short, my mother has had my grandmother take care of her all her life and when my grandmother died, she exspected the same from me. Anywho, I do not have any resentments againstmy mom any more, but I eel sucked back into that child who at all cost has to take areof her mother. It's like to my mother an my family that my life in New York is not real and I should have never left California. Truth be known, I can't take m family for more than afew days because to them "I'm stupid little Christie that has a fu-ked up life). Anyway, Iv done my best twards my mother,my sons and have neglected my family now. My son Imed me ast night and said what a rotten mother I am. Now on a parental veiw, my son hasran away twice from his father and refuses to live here. When I spent at least $10,000 on legal fees toge him and his brother backafte my younger son almosted died my son lied to protect his father. Nowmy boy was only 11,but never the less without him telling the truth and haivng his father brain wash him, Iwent nuts and broke down. It's no his fault know, but that is what happened. He did live with me and I treated him like a king,bu because I broke down after having a new baby, taking hm to foot ball and his demands of ahigher lifestyle and my husband yelling at me for spending too much money just did me in. Plus of course I was drinking too Anyway, my son is 17 and out of control and I refuse to talk to him when he s swearing at me or forking over money when he does not live with me. I'll buy him clothes, shoes andwhat heneeds for school,but I'm n supporting him when he is making everyone upsetwith his beahavior. Ugh, long post,but I'm alwas feeling guilty of what I have not done for my family (my son's and my mother),but they never take a look to what I have done. I'm here Iv been study as far as being in constant contact and help in any way I can,but it's torn me apart. My husband too is looking always for me to choose. Ugh, I jut want to run away and tell them all to go you know where. Anyway, my main priority is t go to AA and to take care of my babies (the 4 I have at home) I wil go out an see my mom,but I need to learn not to let her make me feel guilty for leading my own life. Thanks for letting me vent. Zoomer

05-02-2003, 08:14 AM	#8 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Wow Zoomer - I am so sorry to hear that. You really need to go see her like you planned, just sooner. I know some people hate flying, I don't like it either, but I love to travel so I do it. Take some recovery stuff to read, like your big book or something. Let us know when you are planning on going. You can get through this, I know you can. You are a strong woman who has come far already. Don't get all up in your head, follow your heart. god bless zoomer, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

05-02-2003, 06:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Have a safe trip and remember...we are all there with you! Holding your hand when you need it! Okay, don't forget that. You can do this, I know you can, just take it slow and ask for quidance. Take your journal with you and keep writing. You are a strong lady zoom and you have come so far, just keep taking it just one day at a time. (((zoomer))) sending huge hugs to you. Together we can do this!!!! __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

05-03-2003, 08:20 AM	#14 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,310 Blog Entries: 5	Zoomer, What can I add? Lots of hugs and you know you have support here in this very difficult time!! love, live __________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters

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04-30-2003, 08:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Isnt' is awesome when we start venting and by the end we come to a conclusion that works for us. It sounds like you don't have to choose, you can go visit your mom, keep your boundaries set, don't expect anything (expectations are resentments waiting to happen) then come back to the life that you have created in NY. I know I make is sound simple, and believe me I know it is not. Family dynamics are frustrating. I go through the same thing with my family. And just recently through my mom into a tail spin speaking my mind for once and not being the amicalble little girl. the bottom line zoom is we have to take care of us first! Do what is best for you and your kids. My new favorite line (that my sponsor told me) is ...practice makes better! No one can be perfect, we just do the best we can!!! love Pauly

04-30-2003, 11:10 AM	#3 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Families are a pain in the ass and it's best to expect nothing from them good or bad unless they have a program of recovery too. Ngaire

04-30-2003, 03:03 PM	#4 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	(((((P)))))) ((((((((N))))))!!! Ha, you made me laugh N! I'm going out to see my mother and go from there. My husband can offord a sitter if I need to take care of my mom and my son desevers a good spank. I can be a wife, a daughter a mother all at once. What I can't do is live up to everyones exspectations of what those rolls intail. I for one am sick of being told I'm not enough of anything exspecailly when it's all one sided. All my life Iv been trying to wait and try to read people before I take action,but it never works out anyway because I'm always wrong. Time to follow my heart and see how people will respond to me Zoomer

04-30-2003, 05:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Good idea Zoomer to follow your heart. Ngaire

04-30-2003, 06:51 PM	#6 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Thanks N! My Mom has web TV and I sure hope Ican post from it. I'll be lost without you guys. Zoomer

05-01-2003, 10:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Ugh!My Mother has been keeping the truth from me. She has only about 4 weeks left to live. I'm so mad! Just 2 days ago she told me not to rush out! hello If I wait even one extra day,poof she could be gone. All kinds of things are comming to a head and I'm so mixed up. I'm walking around in shock and wake up crying. And I still hate the idea of flying,so I'm scard too. I'm just not a happy camper. Zoomer

05-02-2003, 11:40 AM	#9 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	Oh Zoomer I'm so sorry. Ngaire

05-02-2003, 04:15 PM	#10 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Hey Guys, gee wiz I fly out tomorrow. I talked to hospic and they say a week for her to live. Needless to say my cravings ar real bad,but I made it home and got on line. I'm sober! Anyway,don't know if I can be on line at my Mom's but will try. thanks fr all your support. Kiss ad hug. Love Zoomer

05-02-2003, 05:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
captinspond Paused Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Haverhill, MA Posts: 25	Dear Zoomer: I'm sorry to hear about your mother! It is always hard to lose someone, but when there are issues, it is more complex. Keep in mind that you are sober and that you will get through this. Remember, AA is everywhere. When I used to go to hockey tournaments with my son (It was adult party time), I always found out where the meetings in that city were. It was difficult, but I made it a point to introduce myself and thank the group for being there - being a friend to a stranger. You will find that going to a meeting will give you support in both staying sober and the issues that you have with your mother. You will be surprised at how many people will reach out to you, if you let them know that you need and appreciate them. The Serenity Prayer always helps me through difficult times. I also add at the end...help me to believe in all that I am, and all that I can be...show me the stairway I have to climb...and please dear God...help me to live One Day At A Time. My prayers are with you and your family. Susan

05-03-2003, 02:14 AM	#13 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Kss to you all. ugh I hate flying and do wish I could drink y screwdriverLOL I'll be fine,but helps talking bout my cravings. I'm glad i have prozac! Lov Zoomer

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