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|03-01-2007, 06:40 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2003
Feeling the pain
I'm struggling a bit and trying not to think the worst, but I saw my doc this morning to go over my ultrasound results (I had an ovarian cyst that wasn't going away). The good news, it's gone. The not so good news: he's referring me to a gynecologist because the radiologist found a 'very complex growth' about an inch in diameter on my other ovary. It wasn't there 3 months ago, and it seems to be dense, unlike a fluid-filled cyst. My doc said try not to worry you're young (i'm 39) but even so... I've got to wait to hear from the gyno now .. will likely do laproscopic surgery to investigate.
I've got a mild family history of cancer (my dad had colon cancer 12 years ago and survived thank God) so that's a strike against me .. but ..
here's the worst part (in my head, anyway) ..
My AH and I have recently begun going to a counsellor (she's in recovery also, as is my AH), and she recognizes the 'work' I have been doing on myself (cognitive behavioural course etc) and the stuff it's bringing to the surface. She assured me, as did my AH, that they would work together so that he could understand what he could do, and she said that she wanted him to treat me as he would a cancer patient, with no expectations, and to just let me lean on him. She told me, as did he, that all I needed to do was to work on myself and to get well. Well he's made dinner three times since then and figures that's as far as it should go. Last night I came home with abdominal pain (didn't know why either) and wanted to eat supper on the couch. He wouldn't make me a plate, said he didn't know how much I wanted .. and couldn't understand why I've been in tears since .. the whole cancer patient scenario .. I know it was just an example, but with this.. I don't know. I'm thinking too much. I didn't go to my cognitive class tonight, told him I'm quitting , because I keep doing this so that I'm 'okay' for everyone else .. and a lot of that is true. There is also a snowstorm tonight, but that's not why I stayed home.
I probably sound like a bit of an idiot. He's moving down into the basement to sleep and part of me just wants him gone. I feel like a romantic fool, wanting that special someone to finally just take care of me. I work and take care of my daughter and do my part in the house (and more) - but the whole emotional aspect - I feel like my heart has been stomped on .. he wouldn't make me a plate of dinner .. can you imagine .. and how do I react? Self-destruct. Ate junk for supper last night and tonight .. and don't care.
At least I'm not drinking or taking pills. I went to the health food store today though and got some L-Theanine which is an amino acid which is supposed to help with relaxation. And it's helped some.
Boy, am I in a funk, or what. If you've read this far, thanks for listening. Sorry I'm such a mess, but I had to get this out.
|03-01-2007, 07:53 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Forward we go...side by side
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Of course you are upset
and it's good that you are
taking care of this quickly.
Sometime men are just insensitive jerks.
Prayers for you zinging out
Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!
Joy In AA Recovery!
|03-01-2007, 09:55 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Fluttering About
Thank You for sharing
You have a right to be upset. It almost sounds like he set you up for the upset.
Take another bite of chocolate and just know things will turn out the way they are supposed to. I am not trying to be smug otr to minimize your feelings in any way. i am a natural smart arsh and just trying to get a lighter perspective. Having been a nurse I know that laughter is good medicne. I am pleased you are facing this head o. Most people would go into denial first. You are exhibiting a great deal of courage and wisdom. Sharing this awful pain is also another caue for me to applaud you.
We will see you tjhrough this
I love you and God loves you too.
|03-02-2007, 04:42 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
It's scary when a dr tells you they found something suspicious and need to investigate more, but go home and don't worry. Is that possible? I don't know, but all you can do is to have faith that you are right where you should be in your life.
It sure sounds like your partner is not taking your concerns seriously and that you're putting so much more effort into your relationship than he is. What I do know for sure (and it's not much!) is that everything happens for a reason. It may not be the reason that we want, but there is a plan, there is a reason.
|03-02-2007, 04:55 AM||#5 (permalink)|
Getting out of my own way!
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Looking for a place to turn around
Men just don't get anything has to do with being female...Hang in there and don't panic in your mind before you even know what it is...
"Nothing changes..Nothing changes"
Am I meditating and getting closer to God?
Am I eating and exercising correctly?
Am I keeping up on my obligations and commitments?
What am I doing for my pleasure?
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