Pick your sponsor very carefully

[getn2gether]

I picked a sponsor the first night I went to AA... My first no no sign was "Well Im really busy".. Myn sponsor has been a big ass disappointment to me.. If you are a newbie.... pick your sponsor very carefully.... If you cant be there 100% dont ever sign up to be a sponsor... Ive had a bad experience... and yea.. I feel right now... my sponsor sucks... and dont even say your ready to be a sponsor unless you are willing to be there 24/7.. mine wasnt.. left me.. high and dry... doing the steps on my own..

[51anna]

We're here to offer support to you, too getn2gether.

Please don't feel like you're alone.

[CarolD]

Yes..that does happen. Hugs

I suggest you read the free AA pamphlet
"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"
and
find another woman to work your steps with.

It's also a good idea to get lots of phome
numbers from other women members
then you can run your problems by them too.

No one can be 'on call' 24/7.

Is there anything specific that you want
to share with us?

Blessings

[Fluttering]

Sorry dalin but I'm with Carol--We make commitments but we have our lives to deal with as well as many of us sponsor other women as well. We are sincere in our commitments and life happens sometimes. It may have been that right at that ,moment she was busy but if you'd ask her to call you back she might have. Remember it is a we program. All of us are doing this walk together. I am not aware of any one sponsor that will sponsor nly one woman and be able to be there 24/7. There are carreers and babies . I'm sorry you feel let down and yet you are truly right about the fact that you must pick your sponsor carefully . It does need to be someone you trust will be honest with you. Someone who will tell you not what you want to hear but what you NEED to hear. You neeed a sponsor who does not gossip and one who has gone through the steps herself. One that is willing to pull your covers and one that will laugh with you as well as cry with you. One that will listen and one that will tell you to listen.
Is there anything you need to share with us? wE WILL LISTEN AND SHARE OUR EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE WITH YU.

[daydream]

Did your sponsor indicate she was busy at the time you wanted to talk with her? If so, did you ask when would be a better time? Did you get on the pity pot and take it personally as soon as she said she was busy or did you make more efforts to plan a time with her? I don't know whether she was being reasonable or not. Your answers to those questions may help you see the truth.

I'm with Carol and Mary. My sponsor can't always be there for me and believe it or not, that is a GOOD thing. My early sponsors suggested I get to know other women and talk to them about issues too, particularly when my sponsor was available. A sponsor is not paid to provide this service. Sponsors have families, jobs, hobbies, their own recovery to work on and they need down time too. And they have their own times of crises and family emergencies when they just can't be there for us. A sponsor is better able to help when she has a well-rounded life and takes care of her own recovery. I had to learn to stop being self-centered, find some humility and gratitude that she was willing to help me, free of charge, and quit whining when she couldn't come running to my aid every time. Today I'm grateful and I understand better now whey my sponsors wanted me to have other women to share with. We never know if we'll have another day on this earth. Addicts are also prone to relapse. I don't need to get too dependant on any one person, because one day that person might not be there anymore. I teach my sponsees the same thing in hopes that they will allow other women to enrich their lives as well. Granted, I realize there are sponsors out there who who seem to resent being bothered or later realize they really don't have time to be a sponsor. But no one can be there 24/7. You are the only one who can decide whether your sponsor is available enough, within reason.

[Fluttering]

Many meetings provide phone lists. My sponsor told me to get phone numbers so I would reach out to other persons for all the treasons as above and then a few others--Other women can enrich your life and you get to be a gift to them when you call!!! When anyone calls me IT TRULY is a gift to me. Sadly thoug it took my disability to learn just hhow important other people are.
Thing is also while you are going down the list to find someone to share with--you are reaining clean and sober--
Have you tried asking her if you can set a time when you can get together on a regular basis, whether it be weekly--or everyother week? And then inbetween times chat on the phone and allow yourself to be a gift to others by calling them.

[aasharon90]

My sobriety hasn't depended on just one
person in recovery. I found out that I
couldnt get everything I needed from
just one person....It's like when u go
to one doctor and get diagnosed but
we don't necessarily like their answer.
Then it is suggested to get a second
opinion. A third or fourth if we have to....

I keep an openmind on what others share
with me and use what I want and throw
away the rest.....

What may work for me in recovery to
stay sober each day, may not necessarily
work for another....All I know is....im sober
today by following the principles of our
wonderful program and incorporating them
into my everyday life.

And that's how it works for me.

Thanks for letting me share.

[Surlyredhead]

I had "picked" a sponsor (well maybe 2 or 3) that did not work out so well. Fortunatly I had many people in my support group that were there to listen to me talk, cry, whine(LOL).....one day it dawned on me, that my best buddy in recovery, the one who was more like me than anyone I had met before....had been my sponsor all along!!!! I told them one day..."You know that you are my Sponsor, don't you?" They said "Yeah, I kinda figured that!"

Sometimes, you need to just talk and interact with others in recovery....and you might just realize, that one of the "things to be revealed" will be your sponsor!!! Good luck!!!

SRH

[barb dwyer]

I've seen this happen; sometimes it's because there's not enough women available with enough sobriety in a group's location, or sometimes a sponsor just gets too busy, other times, it's personality conflicts ...
HP puts us where we're supposed to be.

My sponsor is my sponsor from my first trip to AA ... she's commonly known as one of three of 'the scariest' and 'the toughest' women sponsors in our Fellowship. So I have no competition for her attention.

She's a sweetie and has saved me more than once!
(but don't tell anyone she's really a sweetheart!)

I would not be sober today were it to have been any one else...

Now, guess who my two 'step sponsors are >>> yep - the OTHER two scariest women in the Fellowship! Together, I've around 80 years' sobriety, and all to myself, because they've got such reputations! LOL

She (my sponsor) is often unavailable when I call ... but when I've really needed her - she's been standing at my door - usually WITHOUT my having called at all. This has happened a LOT.

I've seen people go through several sponsors before they get that one that click, also. Keep trying. It'll happen.

[Hallie]

My sponsor has been with me for a little over 3 years. (which is throughout my sobriety) She's the only sponsor I've had. This little woman is absolutely nothing like me, she is the last person you would put me with, she is my total opposite. She not always able to answer the phone and sometimes the line is busy, but she sponsors 3 other ladies too. I don't always agree with her, but I'm open minded, and she usually helps me reolize that I was wrong. (teehee) I "really" don't like it when she tells me something is my fault. But when I think about it....it usually is my fault. I've hung up with her many times thinking "What kind of sponsor would say that."
But then I would think about it, ponder all night, sometimes days, then I would finally get it. Don't know what the situation is with your sponsor, but I really hope it works out for you. Maybe you could get a few other numbers from the other ladies as a back-up. Or what I did was, my sponsor gave me her sponsors number. Anyway good luck. We're here too.