having issues with my teenage son

[lostnalone95]

ya know i love my son with all of my heart but i am really just sick and tired of his attitude!!!! he is 14 and will be 15 in a week. and this weekend we got into a huge fight over my ex-husband again!!!! see dumba$$ raised my kids for 11 years and is the only father that the kids know, and since the kids haven't had any contact with him since septemeber josh has been pi$$ed about it. now he understands that dumba$$ has a sex/porn addiction and that is why he no longer has any contact with the kids, but this weekend my son informed me that i kicked dumba$$ out and that he didn't leave of his own free will. then got pi$$ed off at me when i explained to him AGAIN that dumba$$ left because i told him he had to choose...his family or the gf and the orgies...but he couldn't have both....i am not going to risk catching aids, or hepatitis or any other std because he wants to have multiple sex partners and this isn't/wasn't his first affair, this is the 4th one, there were 2 in connecticut and 1 in north carolina. how many am i supporsed to forgive?????

well then my son starts to cry and all i could say was there is no use in crying over what is going on, he knows that he can have visitations back he just has to agree to it being supervised and he chooses not too!!! he wants unsupervised visits so he can take my kids into the orgy house and that just isn't happening....infact it will only happen over my dead body!!!! know what i mean????? and i know that i didn't handle the situation well and i apologized later but i am soooooo frustrated!!!!!!!!

any body have any suggestions??????

rachel

[Rowan]

Hi Rachel,

Your son misses his dad, and doesn't understand his addiction. He's still just a kid. He may not understand today and may see you as the villain, but he'll appreciate all you did for him when he gets older. You're doing the right thing.
Hang in there and don't kick yourself for being human. You're a great mom!

Rowan

[51anna]

Yes, absolutely, he's just a child. He's not interested in all the problems you had with your ex. He just misses his Dad.

All you can do is be patient with him. Hang in there girl!

[Fluttering]

Originally Posted by lostnalone95

ya know i love my son with all of my heart but i am really just sick and tired of his attitude!!!! he is 14 and will be 15 in a week. and this weekend we got into a huge fight over my ex-husband again!!!! see dumba$$ raised my kids for 11 years and is the only father that the kids know, and since the kids haven't had any contact with him since septemeber josh has been pi$$ed about it. now he understands that dumba$$ has a sex/porn addiction and that is why he no longer has any contact with the kids, but this weekend my son informed me that i kicked dumba$$ out and that he didn't leave of his own free will. then got pi$$ed off at me when i explained to him AGAIN that dumba$$ left because i told him he had to choose...his family or the gf and the orgies...but he couldn't have both....i am not going to risk catching aids, or hepatitis or any other std because he wants to have multiple sex partners and this isn't/wasn't his first affair, this is the 4th one, there were 2 in connecticut and 1 in north carolina. how many am i supporsed to forgive?????

well then my son starts to cry and all i could say was there is no use in crying over what is going on, he knows that he can have visitations back he just has to agree to it being supervised and he chooses not too!!! he wants unsupervised visits so he can take my kids into the orgy house and that just isn't happening....infact it will only happen over my dead body!!!! know what i mean????? and i know that i didn't handle the situation well and i apologized later but i am soooooo frustrated!!!!!!!!

any body have any suggestions??????

rachel

Any time any of us go through a major change in life we go through the grief process. Your sone was taken rom his father's house and he is grieving that lose. The grief process is 5 stages. One of which is anger, another blame. Sound familiar? Allow him to grieve and try not to take anything personal. He will reach a point of acceptance at one point or another. The important thing is where are you in your recovery? Remember HALT? Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? Also remember this s not just physical hunger etc. It is also ...are you spiritually hungry..etc..?

Place your son on God's shulders and you curl up in God's lap. Doing so allows you to ask for rest, peace, direction or whatever your needs are while knowing your son is being well looked after and cared for. Also remember whenever you have a resentment, you get to pray for that person for 14 days. Maybe ifyou did the 14 day prayer for your son--possibly that may open up the lines of communication.

The other thing I might suggest is to not react to his anger. Just walk away...You do not have to be a participant in the dance of nager. Just mention to him that when he is done bewing angry you will sit and talk with him in a civil way.
Prayers and hugs

[Yalonda2477]

Did you ever think that he could be angry with his father as well for breaking up his family and could just be taking his frustration out on you because everyone knows that we take things out on those around us who we love the most because we know that they are the people who are always going to be there for us no matter what we say or do. I was about his age when my parents split and my father was a drug dealer and had always beat the **** out of my mother and I know my mom did the right thing but I sometimes would get very angry and turn everything around to be her fault and now that I'm a mother I know that I made her feel horible. And I still feel like I owe her a life long amount of I'm sorry's! I could be way off base here with your son, but I just thought that I would share what I did and felt.

[indigo]

Yes I can empathize with you I have 3 son's and issues over their father continues with one of them and he is 30. It's not too late and he will be his own priority at this age. Can you get him to sit down and talk it through with you ? appealing to his "grown up" self.

indigo

[KathyL]

lostnalone95 -

Baby girl, I went thru this with my 9 year old daughter, she didn't understand, she would scream at me tell me she hated me, she would kick me, bite me, pinch me, pull my hair, scratch me, punch me tell me it was all my fault for her dad leaving. I kicked him out for no reason, he didn't do anything wrong. At that age I couldn't tell her that her father had been cheating on me and that I tolerated this for 12 years, that I had contracted Chlamydia due to his infidelity, I couldn't tell her I was afraid his behavior towards her was causing me to have concern for her mental and physical wellbeing, I couldn't tell her adult issues. I actually had been in therapy for 3 years, so I decided it was time to put my children into therapy to help them and myself deal with these issues appropriately. I didn't want to cause her anymore stress than she had endured. So I learned when she was angry, to hold her tight, placing my arms around her and rock her and tell her I loved her, it's okay, I will always love you! since she was abusive to me, I actually had to cross her arms at her chest and sitting behind her on the ground and then crossing my legs over her legs so she couldn't wiggle or hurt me. I just rocked her and told her I loved her until she just stopped screaming and the anger dissipated and she fell into a puddle of tears. This was very hard for me and my daughter this went on for 2 1/2 years, but by the grace of GOD go i....she is now 23 years old and we are the best of friends she calls me daily if not every other day to tell me about her day and she is now a mother and tells me often how grateful she is to have me as her mother. My son now is going thru this he is 17 he is in therapy to cope with the reality of his father and I can fall back on the lesson I learned with my daughter. I hope this helps you, may the road rise up to greet you!