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02-23-2007, 11:37 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Galivants Ferry S.C.
Posts: 10
|  I want to share a little bit of my story
I am 24yrs old and i have been addicted to painpills for about 5yrs. When I met my husband I never told him anything about my addiction because I knew this man had never done any drug in his life. After almost a yr of living together we got married in 2003. I was very good at keeping my secret. We went to mexico after our first yr aniversery and I felt horrible. I took quit a bit of pain pills to mexico with me. I was so scared that I was going to get caught. After this I knew I had a problem. When I did this anyway knowing that I could have caused the man that I love, who has never taken any kind of drug, to go to jail if I would have got caught with these drugs. I couldn't believe I did that. Well, of corse I took enough oxycontin down there to get me throgh the next 8 days. They only lasted me 4 days. And when I began to get sick I called my Mom collect 1000 times asking her what I should do I didn't want him to know, but I was starting to get very sick and couldn't try to leave and buy something thier on my own because he had all the money and would never let me leave the resort alone, so I decided I had to tell him. So I told him that I had been snorting this pill for a very long time, he did take me to buy me some things in mexico to keep me from beeing sick untill we got home. Then after we got home I went into a methadone treatment center and I did great for a yr and then I found out that I was pregnant and I didn't want my child to be born addicted to methadone. I thoght that I was strong enogh to beet it now. So, I detoxed myself off of the methadone and was clean of everything for a couple of months. Then I started thinking well, I'm pretty far along into the pregnancy I'll be fine if I snort a couple of pills just here and there. Well, every addict knows that they can't do their drug just here and there. It doesn't work like that. It always leads you right back to where you started. So I was back to using like always before long. Well, I had to have a c-section because I'm very small and i had a big baby and it was safer for me not to go into labor so we chose the day of my section and when I went to have my baby I had only been clean for 2 days. I was so scared that my husband was going to find out i was using again and he would leave me and the baby was going to be born addicted and he would take my baby from me. I had a thousand things running through my mind. So, I was very blessed my daughter was perfect and no one ever knew anything was wrong. My mother is also an addict and my very best friend she knows everything. So By the time the baby was a few months old I had fallen harder and faster than ever and began to shoot. Of corse the sickness is ten times worse than when you snort so I started shooting anything that I thought would make me feel better when I was sick. See my brother can always find coke. I never liked it before, but I was sick I'll try anything. So, I shot that for the first time what i GREAT rush. So now it about two months ago from now. And with in 2 weeks about $2500 became missing out of our account. My husband was questioning me big time because everday I was cashing checks for $150 to $200 a day. So, i backed off the money but sped up the drugs. Untill about 2 weeks ago some thing very terrible happened to me. I came home took the baby upstairs to my husband and I wanted a shot bad so I went to the bathroom fixed it and said I had to go out to the car to get something. Walked outside sat down beside my house and opened my purse did my thing and I became very dizzy and couldn't hardly see so i shoved all my things back into my purse and was tring to get up and was so messed up I had never felt anything like this I knew right away it was way to much. It was raining outside and the next thing I knew I was tring to get up off of the ground couldn't really see I was soaked from the rain and I had been outside unconsiouse for almost an hour. When I could get back up stairs to my husband I knew something was very wrong by the way he was looking at me. then I saw that i was covered in blood. I was having a hard time breathing too. He gave the baby to his sister and took me back downstairs and asked me where my purse was because he was tring to find my inhailer because I really couldn't breathe he is looking all around the house downstairs then we walked outside where he found my purse lieing on the ground next to a concreate block that was covered in my blood. I had got dizzy and couldn't breathe to where I fell face first onto a cement block. My husband then opened my purse and found everything. my spoon and needle i was so messed up i couldn't put it back into the little hide away zipper that purses sometimes have. The first thing that he did was call my mom down to our house she lives down the street some and he knows that she is my best friend. She of course acted like she had no idea what he was talking about and so he had her take my baby home with her while I had a little trip to the er. I'm just now getting around again. My face is in pretty bad shape I can now see out of my right eye again. I couldn't for about a week. The corner of that block hit my eye if it would have been over a little more and hit my temple I would be dead. My worst fear was that he would kick me out take my 7 month old little girl and make my life a living hell. But I am very blessed once again. For my sake and the sake of our daughter he is giving me a chance. I have an appointment at the methadone clinic march 2nd to return to the program. I have to get clean now for mine and my daughters lives. 2 days after this happened to me my brother and his girlfriend (she is 6 months pregnant) were in a very bad car accident and almost lost their lives and the baby. So, I know what I have to do. I'm very scared everyday. I know my husband don't trust me right now and won't for a very long time. I had to go to wal mart and get some baby things today and had to show him the recipt. I don't know if he will stay with me or not but I hope so I know I'll make it this time. I don't want to die that way and miss out on my baby girls whole life. She needs and deserves to have a wonderful Mommy their for her not someone who is on the chase for that drug all the time. I just hope that my husband gives me the time I need to get clean so that I will know that he can't take my daughter away from me because that is the hell I'm living in right now. Everyday I pray that he don't change his mind and take my whole life from me. I am A house wife so I get to spend every minute of everyday with my little girl by my side. Sorry but This is new for me and I was dieing to tell my story I have been reading on here for a long time now so I'm glad I was able to finaly talk. Thanx for listening.
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02-23-2007, 11:57 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,364
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yolanda....i'm glad you found us.......i am addicted to painkillers, and a mother of 3......i know you can do this.....and you do, too....you are worth it....keep fighting..... please go to newcomers to recovery and look for the 'any mom's out there keeping sane while not using' thread......you will see that there are many women here just like you, who have managed to stay sober, stay married...and be great moms....we support each other through everything.....i'll look for you there..... i'm glad you found us... hugs ayla |
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02-24-2007, 03:40 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,133
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Don't beat yourself up, as Ayla said you can do it, we know it's a hard journey but a worthwhile one. Welcome to Women in Recovery and I hope to get to know you a little better . indigo
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
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02-24-2007, 06:35 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Dallas, Ga. USA
Posts: 15,171
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Welcome! I suggest you begin attending Naralon meetings to find support and understanding. Blessings to you and your family
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!!  Joy In AA Recovery! |
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02-24-2007, 01:02 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Slidell, LA
Posts: 33
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Bless your heart.... Stay strong... get into a program and get a sponsor. Addictions are a horrible thing. I wish I could drink like the normal person but I cant. IT's hard for the people we have hurt by our addictions to trust us again. I am going through that right now with my husband. We have been seperated since February. I will keep you in my prayers. I am so happy you lived through that last experience. Take Care of yourself, Kimberly |
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02-24-2007, 01:18 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 11,018
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Hi Yolanda! I am glad you found us and as you can see there is lots of support here.
__________________ Anna  "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou |
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02-24-2007, 01:47 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Getting out of my own way!  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Detroit ... but my heart is in Cali
Posts: 209
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((HUGS))...man do I feel your pain...though my addcition was a different thing...I can feel it....There is alot of good advice in these responses...You can do this and this program is wonderful...Just remeber ...One day as a time....which sometimes means one minute at a time....(((HUGS)))
__________________ **************************************** "Nothing changes..Nothing changes" ~Do Daily~ Am I meditating and getting closer to God? Am I eating and exercising correctly? Am I keeping up on my obligations and commitments? What am I doing for my pleasure? |
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