 |
|---|
 |
 |
 |
| | |
|
| |||||||
 | Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community Already registered? Login above ---^ OR To take advantage of all the site’s features, become a member of the supportive Sober Recovery Community. Ads will no longer appear on the forums if you are a registered user |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
02-04-2007, 05:55 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wallington, NJ
Posts: 9
| Hi I'm new
Hi everyone, I'm new to the board and desperate for support from fellow addict/alcoholics. I have a hard time establishing honest friendships especially with women and I'm still too sick from withdrawal to make it to a meeting. I also have this social anxiety (which is made worse by the withdrawal). I've been detoxing myself cold-turkey from oxycontin and alcohol, as I've been to rehab once about 2 years ago and my insurance won't cover another stay. Plus, I've been claiming to be clean this whole time and don't want to lose my job or alienate my family. I've always loved drugs and alcohol, but I didn't really start spiraling until about my 28th year. I'm now 36 and have spent the last 8 years battling this...possession....it feels like, anyway. I'm really sick from the opiate withdrawal especially and although I've been here (dope sick and a few weeks here and there abstaining from drugs and alcohol) I never make it. As soon as I start to feel better, I fall right back into the same old pattern. Nothing in my life has progressed in the past 8 years, and my rational mind knows if I pick up, nothing ever will progress except my disease. I don't know I could go on for days because my mind's just been spinning, I'm trying to get through the one minute/hour/day at a time, and trying very hard not to get lost in self-pity but I feel so miserable, mentally and physically and I have to go back to work tomorrow, (which for some reason, I've been able to hang onto but if I continue to use I'm going to lose, I don't even want to think about how much I've messed up on) and the idea is making me panic. I need somewhere like this to come when I can't bear to leave my house. This is just horrible. Well, that's a great introduction :o) but I'm trying to remember we are in the same boat. I guess I just need some words of encouragement or some suggestions because right about now I can't see getting through the next couple of hours much less getting up and going to work tomorrow. Thanks for listening, everyone. |
|      |
|
02-04-2007, 07:11 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,614
|  Welcome to SR, Fiona. Glad you're here. Yup, you bet we're in the same boat. I know about being so dope sick from opiates and alcohol that I couldn't get out of bed for a month. I know about just going to AA meetings and all I could do was hang on to my chair. I listened, but could only hear a few words here and there. I didn't know which side to put a stamp on an envelope. I just knew that I had to hang on 5 minutes, one hour and one day at a time and things would get better. It took lots of time and it was miserable, but I did it. I just kept showing up to those meetings repeating to myself over and over, "just show up and be open, just show up and be open..." You CAN do this, Fiona. It DOES get better. We DO recover. Show up and be open. That's my best advice. You're among friends here. Hang in there and keep posting, ok? 
__________________ If ten people tell you that you have a tail... you might want to turn around and look.  |
|
| |
|
02-04-2007, 11:19 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wallington, NJ
Posts: 9
|
Thank you so much for the message. I just want to fast forward until next week or whenever I'll feel better again....I remember that brief feeling of clarity and hopefullness when I've gotten clean before....you know, you'd think going through all this and wanting to get it over with so badly AS I'm going through it, I would think: I will never touch that s*#t again look what it's doing to me and yet I always wind up going back and although I know it's my choice it just doesn't feel like it when the time comes. I still have so many reservations and I fear that I won't be able to overcome them. I'm TRYING to just get through today but the enormity of this whole thing is really overwhelming. Anyway, thanks again for the welcome :o) I'll be posting cause getting this out is keeping me somewhat sane.
|
|
| |
|
02-04-2007, 11:44 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,928
|
Welcome to SR. hope you stay and make some friends, Phinny said it all, she's really wise and cool. indigo
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
|
| |
|
02-05-2007, 04:53 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Slidell, LA
Posts: 33
| Another New Memeber! Struggling day to day
Hi Everyone! My name is Kimberly and today will be my first day to go to an AA meeting. My husband walked out Friday and I think that was God answering my prayer for direction and struggle. My life is a mess right now. I wanted to drink so bad yesterday but I made it through... minute by minute. I had a moment Saturday where I was just coming out of my skin with fear and anxiousty. I called my best friend who I havent talked to in ahwile. She's been in recovery for six years. She was my second answer to my prayer. She came over and talked to me until I was exhausted. But this time I listened. I used to be a social drinker but over the years there was never a stopping point and the minute it hit 6:00 p.m. I had to drink some wine. I have faith today that the lord above is holding wonderful blessings for my life once I surrender all of this. I'm alone for the first time in my life. My mother just passed away last November from cancer. But I keep saying all of this shall pass. My only advice I can give for anyone is to get into AA. I've gone before but once I thought I was clean...... I fell back into my old ways. This time... I'm staying. I'm not sure if I miss my husband because I love him.. or if I am just scared of being alone. But today I will not worry about that.. Take care and looking forward to being here, Kimberly |
|
| |
|
02-06-2007, 05:31 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wallington, NJ
Posts: 9
|
hi, just wanted to say hi again and update a little, I've got a week and 3 days and I'm starting to feel little bits of hope here and there. I am just having such a hard time "waiting for my high to kick in" and that wave of disappointment when I realize it's not going to, that this "normal" feeling is it. I know that I'm still in w/d and all messed up and all the technicalities with the opiate receptors and how long it takes to get "back to normal" but I gotta say, I keep wanting to feel that drug kick in. This is hard. On the positive side, I'm feeling much better physically, still f-ed up but not DYING. This morning when I was driving to work I heard a bunch of great songs and I could really FEEL the music and enjoy it, when I use, I don't realize how much I numb the good feelings as well as the bad. I want so much to commit to being clean and sober but I'm so afraid. I have so many reservations. I'm trying not to concentrate on them but I keep thinking about events I have coming up and how the hell I'm going to get through them clean and sober. Then I remind myself, one day at a time, but ohhhhhhh man. This sucks. It's so hard. I want to thank everyone for the welcomes and kind words. I really need them. I'm glad I found this board. I've read alot of the other posts in the past couple of days and I'm so glad, b/c I'm still not at the point where I feel ready for meetings. I get such anxiety! Is that my disease or just me? Anyone else get like that? Thanks again for the welcome and the support. |
|
| |
|
02-06-2007, 05:53 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 34,835
|
New experiences usually make me nervous too. That is no reason not to move forward and enjoy! Glad to see you are still clean and sober!
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!  |
|
| |
|
02-07-2007, 03:31 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Slidell, LA
Posts: 33
|
Congrads! I too am new this program. I have been sober four days now and I have NOT missed a meeting. I am not working this week and I am at the 12, 6, and if there a 7:30 p.m. I am there. The one thing I have realized in the last four days is you are not ALONE. I am suffering from axiety attacks. I have a great sponsor but I have exchanged numbers with numerous woman who know where I am right now in this journey. Keep the faith girl. PRAY... and keep it one day at a time. I struggle with that too. And right now it's just what it is and you are where you are suppose to be. Keep in touch. Kimberly |
|
| |
|
02-07-2007, 11:22 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 37
|
happyface - just keep replying, and you'll get the hang of it. Or hit "new thread" to start your own post. This is a thread you are reading right here...a topic per se. Fiona! Welcome, keep coming back (lol!) I'm 100 days sober...my suggestion to you is go to a meeting and find a sponsor, a really GOOD one who has spirituality, just pick the woman who makes you feel at ease, that's what I did. she'll be someone you can call when you're freaking out and she'll have wonderful words of wisdom... just my .02---I don't know opiate w/d's but I do know freaking out head trips, which is the thing that binds us all as addicts...and talking and posting help with that. Good luck! Love - ls |
|
| |
|
02-10-2007, 11:35 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wallington, NJ
Posts: 9
|
Hi everyone, thanks for all your words of support I'm so grateful to long on and see messages. I'm so alienated right now. My computer was all messed up all week and other than work, I've done nothing but come home curl into a ball, watch tv for some sort of distraction and sleep when I can. I'm definitely getting better every day physically, but I'm having horrible anxiety and I feel soooooo out of it - somehow I've been making it through the day at work but I feel so conspicious and self-concious....my bosses know about my addiction b/c I went through this long rehab program a couple of years ago. but they don't know I've been using (or maybe they do, but haven't said anything. I'm hanging on a string there, I feel) 'm clean two weeks today. And with this comes clarity and I'm able to see what my life is - I don't even really have a ife. What a mess. I haven't opened bills in months, just shutoff notices, been avoiding everyone and everything. I'm terrified and at the same time I can't summon up the energy to care. I know alot of this depression and anxiety are part of withdrawal but it just feels like this is what clean feels like and it sucks. I know that's so negative but it's just how I feel. My rational mind is working half the time and the other half (the addict side) is still somehow rationalizing me using...but I won't today. I'm just so afraid I'm gonna mess this up again like I've been doing for years as they pass by. Thank you all for your positive messages I'll keep posting (venting helps, it really does) and reading other posts I'm ID'ing with sooooo much. That helps too.
|
|
| |
|
02-12-2007, 02:51 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Wallington, NJ
Posts: 9
|
I'm better, still struggling but I haven't picked up and I've been reading around alot of the threads are extremely helpful---seeing myself in sooooo many of them and trying to accept that I'm no different, quite the opposite. Thanks so much for your support and kind words so glad I found this site.
|
|
| |
|
02-12-2007, 03:30 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Oakland, CA
Posts: 8
|
Fiona, I feel your pain sweetheart. I'm one week clean today from a combo of vicodin/percocet and xanax/klonopin, and the anxiety has been THROUGH THE ROOF. It's so, so hard. Don't underestimate the enormity of what you're trying to do. We get so down on ourselves, but truly you should be congratulating yourself every minute. I have to say, despite my terrible anxiety and racing heart, I finally forced myself to an NA meeting a week ago, and have been going pretty much every day since. I've tried to quit so many times I've lost count, and always refused to go to an NA meeting. After only one week, I can't believe I ever tried to stop using without going to these meetings. They've done so much for me already. Even if you feel like you can't, if I were you, I'd go. I resisted for years and all my fears and anxieties about them turned out to be totally unfounded. I'm more grateful than I can explain for them. Best of luck to you. We're all here for you and thinking about you. Katie |
|
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
| Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
| |
© 2011 Recovery Marketing Services, Inc. |
Linear Mode
