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01-28-2007, 03:04 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 1
| Confused....
I was in AA and had 6 months sober and now I have been out drinking the past month. I still talk to my sponsor, I've started seeing a therapist (who my sponsor actually recommended to me), and I still occasionally talk to the friends I made in the program. I guess what I'm so confused about is that I'm not totally convinced I'm an alcoholic. Yes, I can abuse alcohol...or is that just a lie I tell myself? I know that alcohol affects my body differently than alot of other peoples, that I black out, that sometimes I have a hard time stopping drinking after I've started and I know I should....but I can't admit that I'm an alcoholic or ask for help. I just keep thinking that if I really put my mind to it and try harder to control myself that it will all be ok. I hate myself for thinking like this and for continuing to drink until I'm miserable. Nothing bad really has happened, yet I have been very hung over just 3 days this week. Also, the anxiety I feel is terrible. I am on antidepressants for depression and anxiety but I don't know if the drinking is making it worse....kind of like which came first? the chicken or the egg? I was happy when I was sober but it became really difficult for me towards the end and I can't think of the fact that I would never drink again if I go back to AA. But I don't want to have something terrible happen that has to be a wake up call though? I am terrified about where this could lead me...I don't want to die or have something worse than death happen (AA lingo, I know!) I guess I just don't know whether I'm drinking more now b/c of stuff going on with me or if I'm really an alcoholic....someone help!
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01-28-2007, 05:19 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,810
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Hi Blondie, Well, I would say that the alcohol will very likely make your depression/anxiety worse. And, it decreases the effect of the antidepressants. I think this is probably the disease at work in your mind, trying very hard to convince you that can be 'normal'. Part of the disease process is the obsession that you are dealing with - thinking about drinking/not drinking. You say you had six months sober and that it became difficult towards the end. For me, the stopping drinking was only the beginning. It took a lot of work after that, taking a very hard look at myself and working every day - physically, spiritually and emotionally to try to move forward on this journey of recovery. It isn't easy, but very worth it.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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01-29-2007, 12:58 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 34,835
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Welcome! Here are excerpts from the book that convinced me to quit. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence") I had been in and out of AA for 4 years before I read "Under The Influence" That info + God and AA have given me joy and a different perspective. Blessings...
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!  |
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01-29-2007, 01:17 AM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,614
| Quote:
Have you read the Big Book, Blondie? I suggest reading it, preferably with your sponsor, and seeing if you can relate. Hang in there. Ultimately only YOU can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. We support you all the way on this journey of discovery. 
__________________ If ten people tell you that you have a tail... you might want to turn around and look.  | |
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02-21-2007, 11:24 PM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: La Quinta, CA
Posts: 20
|  gently
hey girlfriend, be kind and gentle with yourself. God (or higher power, or universal power, or great spirit, or eminations of nature....whtever you're into) will guide you to health. Try to relax into the guidence that is being sent to you from the invisible. Say this magical prayer (or affirmation or whatever) and the energy will for sure MOVE! Ask God (or whoever/whatever) to make you WILLING TO BE WILLING! That has always worked for me...to realize that the great spirit knows better then I.....and asking for HHHEEELLLPPPPP!!!! cant hurt. I totally support you in following your doctors advice to the letter! dont change meds or doses on your own. If you wish to cycle off, or reduce....tell your doc and do it his way! WE are not professionals here, hugs Natalie Quote:
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02-23-2007, 11:05 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Up North
Posts: 14
| I know what you are feeling.
It took me such a long time to admit to myself that I was an alcoholic. My dad is and his parents were and I had their examples in front of me too. I do really good for a while and then I binge drink. I went to a counselor for a while b/c I got caught drinking and driving. Let me tell you, that was scary and I have kids and a husband who love me. I felt so much guilt, I still do. I hate the thought of not drinking ever again too, but I think if I just take it day by day it will be ok. I wish you the best of luck. |
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03-01-2007, 11:55 PM
| #8 (permalink) | |
| We Do Recover  | Quote:
I understand. | |
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