H*** Hath No Fury...

[TheGirlInside]

Hi ALL,

I know this won't make sense to many of you, but I totally need to Release This and Let it Go somehow before I explode or go on some homocidal rampage.


I need to vent this. I am filled with rage. Not anger. That's fleeting and situational. Rage is something entirely different.

Rage comes from being f****** over again and again and again, while doing what I think is right...continuing to care, turning my cheek (only to get it slapped over and over and over again), and forgiving 7 x 77 times, and all that hulabaloo. Rage is that force that rises up after years of being taken advantage of, and finally screams out "STOP! NO MORE! NEVER AGAIN!"

I now hate *name 1* as much as I hate my husband. And that is a lot of hate.
It's not because he ran the meeting last night. I couldn't have cared less about that.
It's not because he chose the topic without really giving anyone else a chance to choose.
It's not even because he didn't even give me a chance to respond because he didn't even ask the question about if there were any medallions, leaving me to sit there, not wanting to toot my horn, but confused about what to do next...should I say something? Shouldn't I? Should I give them their presents? or forget it? So much for my big "2-year."

I'll admit, I did feel hurt, and not because he didn't know, or because anyone else didn't know, but because I felt shut down and shut out. I sat there and told myself to "get out of my ego" and that "it's not all about me" and something about "God's divine providence" and so on and so on. It still hurt anyway.

It's because I am damn tired of sitting silent at my home AA table and hearing him talk of "rigorous honesty" while lying and conning everyone. He talked of the 1st step and how it's beneficial to dredge up the "old," for the sake of progressing. I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth when I heard that...and remembered the numerous times when I would email him of my past hurts and whatnot, including how I've worked through them, and getting a lecture back about how I'm living in the past, and that I need to concentrate on the here and now, ad infinitum ad nauseum. Not to mention being told that I'm "negative."

Two weeks ago, he talked about shutting up and listening to others, and learning how to not give advice (to which I also rolled my eyes, and said inside myself "W-T-F?!?") How many, many, many times, did that son of a bitch give me every kind of unsolicited marital and other advice over and over and over again. I wanted to say, "Steve, practice what you preach. When are you going to start learning how to shut up and listen without giving advice?"

Also that night after the meeting, I accidentally overhead him saying to someone that he hadn't been to Las Vegas in years. He told me months before that he'd never been there. That may seem like a small thing, but why the hell can't he just not lie? There's no purpose to it. It's pathological. I'd like to say to him that if he just told the same lie to everyone, he wouldn't have to remember to whom he told what lie. After 20 years in program, constant, useless lying should be a thing of the past.

And now before and after meetings, he's been saying "Hi, Kari!" and "See you later, Kari!" in a cheery tone (just like that piece of s*** *name 2* does...which grates on my nerves), like everything's just hunky-funky dory! He doesn't fool me, not for one minute. I know that he's just playing the CYA game...he's ONLY doing it to avoid someone asking him a question like, "You and Kari used to be such close friends...what happened?" Only, it shouldn't concern him, because he...didn't...do... anything...wrong. It's all my imagination...something I saw in a movie, or read in a book, or dreamed up. It's all my emotions and my misperceptions (according to him), 100%. So what the hell does he have to be afraid of and cover up for? HMMMM??? Damn him.

The next time he says "Hi" to me, I swear to God, the gloves are coming off, and I will lay into him, and I don't give a flying f*** who is standing there. I don't care one bit about *name 1*'s feelings and embarrassment. He sure doesn't give a f*** about mine! If he cared about me, like he once claimed, he would at least feel some regret, remorse and maybe even feel a need to apologize (uh...I don't know...Step 10? 9? 4?). He might even ADMIT to some RESPONSIBILITY. He may be able to con 12 other people all at one time, but I will never let him suck me into his con game again.

I am so damned tired of all this. I can't get anything out of the meetings when all I can do is steam over his continuous FAKE-ness and LIES. There is NOTHING genuine, sincere or real about him. The next time I hear him lying, I am going to call him on it, even if he is mid-sentence and at the middle of the f****** meeting. There is no reason why we should all play the Rubes in his scam. He is so full of s***. He talks a good game, but there's no action. I honestly don't believe he's gotten one damned thing out of those meetings for himself for many years...except how to con everyone...play the game.

He once actually had the audacity to tell me not to listen to *name 3* because *name 3* was saying something about not having sex with his wife, and that was proof that *name 3* didn't have a very happy relationship with his wife. Well gee whiz...since then, I've heard *name 3*say some POSITIVE things about his wife and marriage. When's the last time anyone heard anything positive from *name 1* about his wife or marriage? I recall ZERO.

I have never believed in airing my dirty laundry about my spouse; not even back when I was single and dating among other people, and certainly not to someone of the opposite sex. The message when a man complains about his wife to another woman is, "If she was only more like you..." I mean Jesus F'ing Christ, if you hate her that much, than LET HER GO to find a man who would cherish her and see her as beautiful and valuable instead of someone who sees her as a burden and something to be tolerated. And, if he doesn't want to let her go, then work on the f****** marriage and STOP turning to other women to crybaby about being a "poor lost soul trapped in a loveless and sexless marriage...waiting for a woman with a heart of gold to come and make it all better..." boo-hoo-hoo

I am DONE being Ms. Too Sweet and Kind For Her Own Good.
If becoming a cynical cold-hearted b**** is what it takes to survive in this steaming pile of s*** we call 'life', then so be it.
I am Damn tired of Playing Nice.

I am done being silent. I don't give a damn who knows about what happened between he and I...he claims nothing. He's Mr Faithful Good Husband (hah)...sharing emotional intimacy with how many other women in cyberspace. Is he really so ignorant to believe that it's not cheating if he's not having physical sex with them?? It'd be interesting to see how many times he's told them that he's got a "great a**" or that he prefers a woman in lingerie to naked, and so on and so forth. When I occasionally catch some news program about women being conned by a Romeo scheme, I see A LOT of similarities with *name 1*. He is doing the same thing.

I'm tired of feeling empathy for him, because "something horrid must have happened to him to make him hate women." Guess what? Horrid **** happened to me too. He's old enough and has been in program long enough that he has no excuse. I wasn't there. I didn't do it. I will NOT continue to pay for it.

Last night, I gave him a note that was acknowledging his positive contribution to my life (I had no idea I'd end up being so freaking p***** at him). He asked, "Is it money? I like money." What I gave to him was worth more than any amount of money, and so large that no bank ledger could ever calculate it. And if that moron believes that money is worth more, that's a poor reflection on him, not me. Damn, he is a stupid man.

He better hope I never come across (another female he conned prior to me) again. I have a feeling that she and I could have a very interesting talk.

I hope to one day have the nerve to tell him all these things and much more. I woke up at 3:30 this morning, crying and fussing over it, unable to fall asleep until after 6 (deciding to sleep in until 7). And, wondering--about him and my two husbands--if ANY of them spent any sleepless nights or even a single tear on me. I doubt it. DAMN IT...why do I always fall for Con artists, scumbags, liars, cheats, and men who don't value me?

I'd love to say to him, "Congratulations, *name 1*. You no longer have to aspire to that lofty goal of being a Cold Hearted *******. You made it, baby! Give yourself a pat on the back for me, will ya?"

Thanks for "'listening", even if this sounds like total Martian.

I'm not interested in any Biblical or God stuff right now, because I am seriously torqued at that a******, too.

[despairingsair]

Blimey!

Men can be such A********.... Bet you feel a whole lot better getting that off your chest!

My ear is here if you fancy venting in private!

Sarah

[Anna]

Wow, it sounds like you should stay away from that person for awhile. I'm not an AA person, so the whole process is not familiar to me. It seems to me that this person is toxic to you and I removed all toxic people from my life when I got sober.

Have you considered going to women only meetings?

[BigSis]

Glad you were able to leave some of this here, TGI. I agree with Anna... maybe not attending a meeting with folks with whom you have such a history might be beneficial to you?

I hope that can work for ya... (((Hugs))))

[daydream]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Kari))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))
I could have written that post a year ago. Without going into great detail, I'll just say I had a male sponsor (with good motives), ended up falling in love with him and we "hooked up". He wanted us to keep it very quiet for awhile for reasons which seemed perfectly reasonable. We were only to tell our sponsors and closest friends. After 2 months, it was over and we continued our friendship, although had gotten a different sponsor already. My sky fell when i found out he was telling everyone we never had a relationship, that I was making it all up and i was crazy. He even sought out my sponsees to tell them the same. He did a tremendous amount of damage to my reputation, to my security and self-esteem. It really knocked me out of commission for quite awhile, as this was the person i had trusted more than any other human being EVER. There was some degree of stalking, LOTS of harrassment, bullying and lies upon lies-- all attempts to shut me up i suppose. I wrote about this guy several times on this site between 9/05 and mid 2006. I don't post a lot, so those threads wouldn't be too hard to find (NA forum, probably Relationships and Parenting or here in the Women's forum).

The pain I had was agonizing. I even had some fear that he would hurt me if I continued speaking out because he had a history of violence. People kept saying I needed to let it go, but it seemed that I couldn't. I felt the rage so intensely that when anyone mentioned it i would start shaking from head to toe. I felt like people didn't want to listen to me talking about it because oh dear, that might make them feel like they had to take sides......(bs). It seemed as though people thought I should just drop it and move on but for months I couldn't get my mind off it for more than a few hours at a time.

However, even in the midst of all my pain, resentment and rage, I was living in the solution and I was getting results. For the first year, my results were not peace, trust, faith, hope, compassion or much of anything spiritual, but I stayed clean! I did the work. I worked toward those same spiritual principles. I did service work, sponsored more girls, went to out-of-town meetings, prayed and maintained very close contact with my own sponsor. Gradually it has paid off. I stayed clean through it all. Yes there's damage. I don't know when i'll ever be able to trust again, but at least i'm not sitting around thinking about that ******* much anymore. He has not changed. He continues denying our relationship, even trying to convince those he admitted it to 2 years ago that they misunderstood him lol . But *I* have changed. While he continues wallowing in deception, manipulation, lies and fraud, *I* am free. Not completely free of the harm he caused me, but free within my own conscience, knowing I have done my very best to handle this whole situation with spiritual principles. I have been 100% honest about the whole situation. I have made no attempts to retaliate. I have kept his secrets even though he threatened to tell mine. I can look myself in the mirror today and know that yes, I did get conned, used and hung out to dry, but I did NOT stoop to his level. These past several months have been the best since all that stuff happened. I have taken my life back. You can too, but it will take work, commitment, doing things you don't want to do. So get busy and recover :-)

[indigo]

I agree with Anna and Sis, are there any other meetings you could attend in your area where you won't see them?..

indigo

[goingsobermum]

Congrats on your 2 years, that is such an acheivement. You don't need a bloke to tell you that, it just is.
Sounds like the men need to be told to f off for awhile whilst you find a bit of confidence in who you are.
Suz

[TheGirlInside]

Thank you very, very very much...((((((((((((((everyone.)))))))))))))))))))

Thanks so much, Daydream, for posting about your personal experience. Even though it seems silly, it's so easy to believe "I'm the only one who's been through this," and beat myself up and shame myself for daring to trust, give, care, and love again.

I have been struggling with feelings of revenge (which I know I won't act out), and thoughts that no matter what, I'm the one who has to pay, while he goes on with his life, La Tee Da...and does it to someone else.

If I don't go to the meeting, he will have no one there who knows his con game, and therefore can go about freely feeling "no harm done." And do it to someone else. I know that is not my problem, but I so desperately want for justice. I want him to have to face some consequences. I want to stop it from happening to another trusting, sad lonely desperate woman.

But, if I do go, I'll just end up looking like a crazy, vengeful man-hater...to him and everyone else in the room, and can confirm his trying to make me out to be an irrational, sick, un-AA-like person.

I know I have to work through it eventually, but maybe having all this rage inside me is a good thing. I'd love to get myself into fantastic shape, and then show up at the meeting a year later and see if he recognizes me, or tries to pull the same ol' crap. That'd be fun. I know I probably sound childish...

For now, I'll sing along to:

"Somebody's gonna give you lesson in leaving,
somebody's gonna do to you what you've been doin',
and I hope that I'm around...to watch 'em knock you down.

Oh, it's like you to love 'em and leave 'em
just like you loved me and left me
It's like you to do that sort of thing
over and over again...
you're a fool-hearted man!"

Oh, here's another:
"I don't care who or what you're doin'
There ain't gonna be no more boo-hooin'
Baby, this time I swear it's the truth
I ain't gonna cry no more for you

I know you think that I'll be going out of my mind
Crying you a river that winds and winds and winds
Oh, but baby, I'm down to my last teardrop this time."

#3:
(don't know all the words): "My give-a-damn's busted"

Thank God for female country artists!!

[ODAT]

Sometimes

"God, give _______ everything he deserves and more" is a very good prayer.

Something you said in your rant...

"I am DONE being Ms. Too Sweet and Kind For Her Own Good.
If becoming a cynical cold-hearted b**** is what it takes to survive in this steaming pile of s*** we call 'life', then so be it.
I am Damn tired of Playing Nice."

This and the whole thing with honesty struck me.

Sometimes, I tend to play 'Ms. Too Sweet and Kind For Her Own Good" because am just sort of used to that role...lived with it for many years...but mostly because I'm too damned scared to be 'honest'.

And yet of all the 'traits' or whatever that is demanded of us in the A.A. program is rigorous honesty.

I'm reminded of a meeting here in town I went to when I was going through something similar to this and they asked if anyone had a 'step' or something we wanted to discuss...and I said step 13. Alot of people chuckled at that, some were condensending and told me there was no such thing, others told me to take my program more seriously. I answered I was never more serious.

So, the guy who was chairing kept picking the 'popular guys' to share and things went on, same old same old...eventually one little 18 year old asked to share and talked about her experience with the program and thanked me for being honest. Seems she was just 'coming back' after giving up a bit ago...she'd 'had an affair' with a much older and married guy in the program and had gotten pregnant...and since he had something like 17 years in...she was somehow labelled a **** by all of the regulars...a marriage wrecker...the whole nine-yards. She, I and a few other of the 'unpopulars' ended up forming a group of our own...we started a women's meeting that was to be shut down a few months later for being "against the traditions of A.A." My attitude at the time was "I'm here for me and no one else, therefore I have to be honest and if they don't like it, to hell with them. I was told I wouldn't stay sober like that...but not from my sponsor.

Meeting after meeting I'd go and listen to guys talk about how when they used, the beat up their spouse or used some hooker or whatever...yet it was never ok for us women to talk openly about how when we used, we were beat up and used sexually. Talk about child abuse, molestation...anything of the sort was considered "not A.A." and yet at the same time it was read at every meeting how we were to share our strength, experiences and hope.

I don't go to meetings in this town anymore...for me, the 'fight' just doesn't seem worth it. To be branded as this or that and treated as such, rather than as simply a recovering alcholic who needs to be honest to stay sober...is too much like walking into an abusive situation for my liking. I am only very thankful that I never got to the point where it was stay in the program or die...as it was for other of the younger women who ended up back out and dead.

If I sound angry with this, it is because I am. Deeply angry and deeply concerned. To come from one city where women stick together, women's meetings are where recovery happens for women, where 13th stepping is just not tolerated EVEN by the other men...to go to a town where a 16 year old girl is branded and blamed as a marriage wrecker and a **** by the other "quality sober" folks in the program...for sleeping with her 47 year old, 17 years sober sponsor...is just such a leap that I wander if its even the same program. They follow the same texts and everything...but for me, if thats their idea of quality sobriety..they can keep it.

I have learned that I have to be careful with my anger...but I have also learned that anger is not necessarily something that will send me back out. More importantly is the need to be honest...no games...because if I lie or pretend to be something that I'm not...then whats the point anyway? Being nice to someone when I am angry with them, pretending that something didn't happen when I know it did...it doesn't help them and it sure as hell doesn't help me.

My way of handling things I guess would not to act as if something doesn't bother me...when asked for ideas of topics...I'd be suggesting honesty over and over and over again--being honest about my end of things and hoping the point would be taken. I'd be saying it really bothers me that some folks even with long term sobriety find it ok to twist things and lie and that this is my problem b/c I gotta learn to recognize that there are those who are sicker than others and somehow I just gotta learn to have compassion for them. I'd be saying that just staying sober doesn't equate to a 'good' day for me...not if it means that I cheated on my spouse, lied about a good friend and kicked the dog...to me, if thats sobriety then I'm missing the point. I wouldn't name names, but I sure would hope he went home and thought a little...which is probably the wrong thing to do anyways.

I just don't see the need to be 'nice' when being 'nice' is something that hurts and harms myself or others. I did that whilst drinking...I did that as a child...it ended up getting me molested, raped, used and hurt over and over again...and you're right...sooner or later one has to learn to stand up and say "NO MORE". Even if no one else listens at least you are listening to yourself and (yeah, I know, don't mention God...) God is listening. I figure God is big enough to handle my anger...I can yell and rage at him and its ok to do that because sure as being false and being nice is me staying sick...me yelling and having it out with the dude that created me...is a change and a good step on the road to me getting better. I just have to remember that now, its time for me to stop relying on the sick bast**ds for my sense of self-worth and to start relying more on those that are healthy...and on myself.

I would suggest that if you intend to keep going to that meeting...then you ALSO make sure that you go to other meetings too or you find your spiritual feeding somewhere else..be it more one on one time with your sponsor or just getting together with your women A.A. friends. I know for me...long after I stopped going to meetings, I stayed in contact with other women who were also program women...just not the ones who kept patting the asses of the men there and saying things were ok when there weren't.

Anyways, congratulations on your 2 years...even if no one else celebrates it, even if that damned twit doesn't acknowledge it...its STILL your 2 years and you deserve a nice cake, candle and a pat on the back. Please, take care of yourself...and rage, anger, strength whatever you call it...personally, I call it strength and a willingness to change...its all good so long as you can keep the focus on you and try not to worry so much about him. You can always keep an eye on him and make it so that if there's newcomer women there, you make sure you give them and alternative to his sorry ear to talk to. Remember we are told to talk to people who have the kind of sobriety that we would like...well, keep walking the walk and be strong. Things will work out.

All the best.

[meteoroid]

Congrats on your two years!! That is soooo fantastic.
I hope you are feeling better emotionally since you were able to relieve some of that pain. Wishing you all the best. :-)

[barb dwyer]

I've been doing some reading up on codependency ... I don't really like that it's such a 'thrown around term' but , the shoe fits me, at least. My sponsor says I'm to worry about the AA twelve, THEN we'll go there ... but y'all might want to glance at some ot the stuff about boundaries and how to set them.

Venting is a good thing. Especially in a forum like this where there's so many others of us ...
you are not alone!

[Nuudawn]

Wow. I am both grateful and a teeny bit frightened that I stumbled across this thread today. I am only 2 months sober so still struggling through all my *new* emotions. Right before walking into the doors of AA, my relationship with a fellow alcoholic ended. Although I love/d this man, he is a total mess...drinking, drugging and likely hates/fears women. He is not the first man like this I have attached myself to...yep, yep...believe my daddy struggles with same issue..so this is what I know.

Right now I'm hosting a helluva pity party regarding my penchant for falling in love with men who cannot love me back...lying, deceitful, cheating, manipulative, seductively charming arsholes. 7 years ago my relationship with the first of this type ended and I plunged headlong into alcoholism feeling poisoned by this fellow whilst desperately convincing myself he was "the one"...I laid in wait for this man for like 5 years despite the fact he immediately shacked with his mistress (from both our relationship and the one previous) and had a kid with her. I drank and drank and drank and lied to myself endlessly. Why I never pondered the fact that everytime I bumped into him I would shake and shudder in a "fight or flight" response. I finally moved halfway across the country to let him go...course I brought my booze with me. As soon as he discovered I was leaving, he went into shock I think...he HAD to see me before I left..then we fired up a very intense email relationship and about 3 months after I arrived here I decided to go back and be the "mistress" now. Enter broken, woman hater #2....somehow before I could jump in my car and head back I fell down drunk into bed with #2 a whirlwind courtship ensurd with red flags flapping so hard they should have knocked me unconscious (perhaps they did). This one was of course raging alcoholic...like me. I fell madly in love/attached. It was a tumultous, confusing and painful relationship...he was actually more messed up than the last...hated women more yet much more emotional.
Anyways as I said we split for 2nd time 2 months ago and I joined AA. I know now that I desperately hoped he would sober up for "us" as well...they he would want to be "real" with me. He doesn't want to do that.

Now I cry, rage and hate myself for my inability to connect with healthy women loving men...and the ONLY thing I ease my mind with is the fact that perhaps now that I'm sober I won't make those mistakes anymore....I won't fall down drunk into bed with these guys that I know I knew something was off with to begin with ..but hell, I was drunk.

So now I hear..that these men are still out there...in AA!!! I'm terrified. Will I continue to seek out pain inflicting women haters while in recovery? Geez!

Maybe I should go gay.

[ODAT]

"Maybe I should go gay."


I've thought that on many occassions. Problem, is I don't think I'm quite that way

But yeah, A.A. is basically just a bunch of drunks trying to stay sober so it makes sense that there are some in there that are sicker than others and some who are there working at different stages of recovery. Hence, the 'don't get into a relationship in the first year' recommendation is for our safety and relates to -all- guys not just those who are using or not in the program.

[Nuudawn]

Thanks Taira,
Alas, I'm not built that way either.

If I think about it I realize that the men I have chosen are actually nice men...it's the ones that choose/pursue me when I have no inital interest that wreak havoc. Somewhere along the line I aquiesce (sp?) and let them in to p*ss all over me. And I should take heart in the fact, with both those men...I did know something was off about them in the beginning....I just contined to drink in order to ignore the red flags.

[UnusedPortion]

"I have never believed in airing my dirty laundry about my spouse; not even back when I was single and dating among other people, and certainly not to someone of the opposite sex."

wow that's great advice...I shared in a meeting I was upset with my husband tonite, and I probably shouldn't have in retrospect. I am really too open in the meetings and it's gonna bite me if I don't watch out.

[TheGirlInside]

Thanks again, for all the rest of the responses...ODAT, your first brought tears to my eyes.

There probably is something to be said for certain cultural aspects of AA, where the men and women there are from small town, never-lived-anywhere-else-so-couldn't-possibly-have-gained-some-perspective-outside-my-upbringing.

I will not go back to that meeting. Sleazy, scummy people will find ways to be sick and scummy no matter what. And, sorry to sound cold, but it's not my job to watch out for other women (here's the pity party): nobody was there to watch out for me...as a matter of fact, my other two close friends (one male, one female) were all reminding me what a "nice" and "kind" person he was, so solid in his recovery.

I've begun attending OA, which has all women (no sex/men/relationship issues there...unless I have some lesbian issues in the closet somewhere! lol...I sometimes say I'm a non-practicing lesbian, just as a way of telling men to STAY AWAY). I took a nap one day, and had a dream upon wakening about following my own self (the "me" of the future), by turning the corner, and going where I want to go.

I'd been thinking that I was just "holding out" for my 2 year (thanks for the kudos on that, too!)...and, I did that. I didn't tell myself that I would hold out for my medallion, or that I would wait until someone acknowledged me, or whatever. I said I would wait for my 2 year, and I did. ANd, my intuition told me that it's time to turn the corner. That place is no longer my oasis. Those people are not for me right now. I spend too much time warring inside myself to allow serenity and the program to enter.

I also had a dream about "him" which reminded me that I really do think of him as a scuzzy, icky lowlife (the kind that makes my stomach literally churn), even if I don't admit it to myself on a conscious level.

I had been thinking about speaking of the 13th step also, but didn't get the chance. Maybe another day. I probably would have just looked like the stereotypical spurned, jealous "marriage wrecker" anyway.

Screw...um, I mean To He** with close-minded people.

[getn2gether]

Wow... I can relate. My third husband of 18 months walked out 2/2/07.. I became sober 2/4/07. It seems I married my second husband all over again.. but this one.. a little older... but this one.. really emotionally abusive, greedy, lives on holding grudges and he's just mean spirited when he does get his way or "I" force him into a rage. By the grace of God my stomach is not all in knots and I had to write down the facts of the relationship.. which helped me alot. The word "FEAR"... scarry word but a word I have had to face in 10 days of sobriety. My fear of being alone, my fear of being left, etc... By him leaving I know now my HP has so much more in store for me. I know the man of my dreams.. he's in my heart.. I see him.. But it's not our time to meet.. I have to get myself well first. Good luck to you.. Don't beat yourself up.... Dont shut the door on the past... just take it out of the box when you need. Good Luck

Kimberly

[TheGirlInside]

g2g,

Thank you so much!

That's awesome that you can speak to me while you're in so much fresh pain! You are right. We are worthy of good men...and, on my better days (today is not one), I believe that he's out there preparing himself for me.

Congrats!! on your 10 Days!! <

God bless,

[desperatensober]

wow,
thanks everyone for sharing at least i now know im not the only woman out there who finds and keeps the arses for partners. any of you do what i do and let the genlemen slip away because we felt like we didnt deserve them or that they deserved better than what we could give em? always finding the guys (little boys in mens bodies) and thinking they could fix us or we can fix them just in order to make ourselves feel like we are important. yup thats me. I think i married my hubby for a mixture of the two.hes a recovering woman haterwo is now woman disliker who is learning that not all women are out to get him. but im learning that i cant fix him, just teach him how to treat me by treating myself how i want others to treat me.

SHANEN

[natbrat]

GGUURRRRLLLL!!!!
YOU GOTTA FIND A WAY TO GET THIS ASSSHOLE BACK!!!! I know it's not very spiritual...but we gotta brainstorm this!!!! I'd go have an affair with his current best friend....or seduce his new girlfriend.....I'd do anything to get this s*$# for brains back!!! I'm all for figuring it out....what a dick!!!

[natbrat]

I know.....start a rumor you saw him drinking in a bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!