In recovery and scared too

[t2003]

Hi my name is Tracey, i've been posting at another forum but feeling maybe there is some good advice and support here for this particular issue. The last month i have been struggling with my recovery, I have an appointment with a counsellor in may but since that appointment was made i had a mammogram, a week later i got the call they needed to do more tests. Needless to say i freaked and used and drank my first and typical reaction. So once i calmed down and realized this could be nothing i got back to working on my recovery and made it 4 days sober then blew it. Now i'm back to 3 days and today i went for the other tests, you try to read these people to get any ideas but i don't know all i can do is wait now.I was feeling pretty much like i can handle this but today just brought back the fear and using to forget would be nice. I got to my first meeting early this week and with some good advice, i have been praying to god to give me strength in my recovery. It seems kind of ironic that when i'm trying to get clean and have a better life this happens.I know i need to think postive but i'm scared my mother just went through surgery and chemo and radaition for her breast cancer 2years ago and my grandmother died just over amonth ago from breast cancer that went undetected. I'm only 32 but the family history is why i went for this mammogram. I don't know where i'm headed but hoping that i can stay strong enough for everything.

[Paulie]

t2003 -

First I know this is easy for me to say, but don't worry until you have something to worry about...then handle that, ya know what I mean.

In the mean time. I would suggest that you try and do 90 meetings in 90 days. Do you have a sponsor? If not get one soon, it will help you - I promise.

Keep posting and keep talking about how you are feeling. I am not trying to sound cold about your situation, it must be frightening, just take it one day at a time. If there is one (of Many) things I have learned in recovery, God will not give us more than we can handle.

Keep praying. When you want to use, sit down and write, journal, or come here and post if there is no meeting available. Try and raise your hand at a meeting, even if it is just to introduce yourself and that is all.

Keep coming back, we are all here doing this recovery thing one day at a time.

[Hampster]

Originally posted by Pauline
t2003 -

First I know this is easy for me to say, but don't worry until you have something to worry about...then handle that, ya know what I mean.

In the mean time. I would suggest that you try and do 90 meetings in 90 days. Do you have a sponsor? If not get one soon, it will help you - I promise.

Keep posting and keep talking about how you are feeling. I am not trying to sound cold about your situation, it must be frightening, just take it one day at a time. If there is one (of Many) things I have learned in recovery, God will not give us more than we can handle.

Keep praying. When you want to use, sit down and write, journal, or come here and post if there is no meeting available. Try and raise your hand at a meeting, even if it is just to introduce yourself and that is all.

Keep coming back, we are all here doing this recovery thing one day at a time.

[Hampster]

I am new to this way of conecting with others going through recovery as well. My coment at this time is. I am holding on to the belief that this is where i am sapose to be right now, and I just may be ok.

thanks, glad I found this sight.

[Paulie]

Hampster -

Welcome and glad you joined us. I look forward to getting to know you and sharing recovery with you.

[Hampster]

Hi Pauline
I did not expect to have anyone respond, so thank you. Well I am not sure where to begin. I was clean of drugs for three years, and I have relapsed. But not to drugs. Alcohol which is really onusual to me because I always hated drinking. But here I am now. I do not drink everyday, but atleast three times a week and I notice it is not casual, but till I pass out. This has been horrible for me because I have set some big goals in my life recently and I can not imagine alcohol stopping me from continuing, especialy after struggling for years with drugs. I have also ended a relationship in January which has caused so much greef for me and him I'm sure.
I am now a single mother of not only my son who is nine, but a sweet little girl thats ten months. I find I am becoming more depressed about my ex relationship and having another child in an unsuccesful relationship. I hope I learn more how to use the computer because I would really like to talk with people who would understand my frustrations.
Hope to hear from you, and please connect me with the correct resources on this sight If there are other areas you may have to recamend. I just don't want to bother you If you do not have time.

[Paulie]

Hampster -

First understand you are NOT a bother. We are all friends here and we all LOVE making new friends, so we are glad you are here.

I have been clean/sober for 7 1/2 years, relapsed about 3 years ago with food. I have an obsessive personality and I could use food as my drug of choice and still keep my relationship.

First congrats on your 3 years being clean from drugs. that is a wonderful accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself.

Have you thought about attending meetings for your drinking? How have you stayed off drugs? that is the first thing I would ask, and use the same method for drinking. Or maybe if you haven't been to meetings or looked into outside help you could do it now. I have been affectionately named the AA thumper around here. The 12 steps of AA/NA saved my life.

I am glad you joined us and don't worry you are doing just fine with your computer skills, you posted right?!

[Juls]

Hi Hampster,

I'm glad you came to this forum. Your post was very helpful to me. I was an opiate abuser, and have never had a problem with alcohol. I know that the fact that I have been addicted at all makes me a candidate to be an alcoholic as well, although like you, I believed that it was something that would just never happen to me. Hearing some of your story makes me realize that it can.

I understand the fear your going through. I had a lump in my breast, and while there is no history of breast cancer in my family, the fear of the unknown caused me to use at the time to escape my feelings.

Right now I'm having fearful feelings about a colonscopy I need to have. My mother did die of colon cancer. I have cancelled the procedure twice so far. I have a real phobia about medical tests, and because it is a colonscopy which is very uncomfortable you are given a strong narcotic by i.v., as well as a strong tranquilizer, and I'm afraid of that.

If you are able to learn to cope with these fears without using you will have made a huge stride in your recovery. The best thing is to keep talking about it, and go to some AA meetings. Talk about it there and try to connect with some people.

Have you looked on the web for a support group for women who have had breast cancer?

Also I totally agree with Pauline, you are not a bother. As I said reading your story reinforced in me that I could become an alcoholic, so already you have helped.

Please keep coming back. You are worth it.

Juls

[Hampster]

Hi Juls,
Thanks again for the reply, once again I am taken back by the idea I can reach others by being on line and to hear I am no bother. It helps to talk with others in simular situations.
Well I to have had a fear with cancer, my mother has lost both of her breasts to it, yet fortunate to be alive as the doctors say. But in her mind she lives feeling less whole as a woman. I to am due for a coloscopy. I think I have been so afraid of dealing with it that I even forgot about It for a moment till I read your message. It's good there are others to express our conserns, and fears. I am sapose to go in August 29, you know after talking about this I rememberd My sceduled date was changed to this month actualy. I will have to call once I get off line. Thakns for the reminder.
Hope to talk with you again.

[Hampster]

Hi Pauline,
It was nice hearing back from you. Thanks.
Well you asked how I delt with my addiction to drugs. I got into detox, than did a 21 day program. I did go to meetings for a few months. I recieved many tools and knowlege regarding addiction and self care. I was overwellmed by the information and the support. But very greatful because it saved my life. In some ways I think I became to confident In my recovery and having some years of sobriety, till I came face to face with reality once again.
I realize now It will take work to face the reality of my addictive behaviour, and to first begin with the very first step again. So you say you are the AA thumper in the twelve steps. Would you be able to help me through them, help me find out where I get stumped?
Thanks Hampster

[Paulie]

Hampster -

I will help you in anyway I can. but I will be honest and tell you that I feel a face to face sponsor is really the way to go. Are you not comfortable doing that?

I am currently working the steps through the NA workbook and before that the several times I went through them, actually went all the way through once, but my first sponsor seemed to have me go back to step 1 over and over and over LOl hmmmm, had a hard time with the powerless concept LOL!

Again, I feel a face to face sponsor, someone that you can meet with on a regular basis and get to know is the best way to go. But I will help you in anyway that I can. PM me or email me and we can talk about it more.

I hope you have a great day!!!