Where I'm at now

[awayout]

i've been through rehab and i've tried to make things right. i love my family very much but i have done a lot of harm. i have work hard my whole life thinking that if i gave them everything i could it would be okay. my disease got worse and i got to the point i couldn't provide for my family the way they were use to. I want to stay sober, but I really want them to back me. They told me when i was in rehab they would do anything for me, but once i got out i went to meetings and they did nothing. I know that I can only control myself, but i really want to stay together as a family and don't know what to do. I feel that they shut me off way before i went to rehab.

[scaredykat]

Hi, and welcome to the forum. I can't offer much advice except to hang in there. It sounds like your sober now. Good for you. I'm still trying to get the courage to quit for good again. There are a lot of good people on here and someone will write you back. During the day there's more people on here. Anyway, congratulations on getting sober and keep it up.

Barb

[CarolD]

Hi and Welcome!

Give your family time to adjust.

AA nmeetings and AA friends ...understanding and support
beyond compare!!

Blessings

[jennf]

Welcome! And Hugs!!

Your family needs time to adjust, just because you are sober does not mean that they will automatically forget all of the harm you have caused them. It will get easier with time. Please remember that it is not your responsibility to get them to UNDERSTAND your disease, if they are not alcoholic/addicts they will never understand. They will start to see the changes in you as time goes on and their feelings will start to men.

I can tell you that for my family they totally shut me off way before I got help. My oldest was 7 years old taking care of a drunk/hungover mother and his 3 yr old brother before I got help. It was funny because the first time after a meeting I was like, 'Alright, I am sober, I can start to be MOM again' and he said to me' are you kidding, I have been doing that for a long time Mom, go to bed and sleep it off'. I wasnt even drinking, I was sober Damnit! But you see, he didnt understand, all he knew was that he was the parent for his younger brother and for me. My DH, oh dont get me started on him..he is such a dear man andhe didnt deserve the hell I put him thru. But you see, the changes I made in myself those first few months (even though they were hard, hard, HARD) made the difference. My kids and husband now can look me in the eye and know that I am sober, they trust me to do as I say...etc

It gets easier, just one day at a time honey, keep going to meetings and pray your ass off!

[sugarbuger]

I have been blessed in that my family of origin has been incredibly supportive. However; I will say that there are people in my life that may or may not ever trust me again. I just have to do the next right thing and remember that that is their side of the street to clean or live in filth...I like mine clean!

With all that said, my 4 y/o daughter has great days and days that you can tell by her words and actions she wonders if I'll be there after daycare. Again, I just have to keep doing the next right thing. I've heard that in a sense recovery can be like death, i.e. might take around 2 years or so to get to a better place. Don't give up and I have rough times myself and my sponsor helps and suggests to me that I write a gratitude list.

[Anna]

It takes a lot of patience to understand how your family feels right now. Just keep moving forward and doing what you need to do. Hopefully you will see changes in your family that you want.

[aasharon90]

I also went thru rehab back in 90. During that
time my litle ones were just beginning grade
school. Today 16 yrs later both r in college
and after 10 yrs living in Houston Ive returned
home to Baton Rouge by myself....No divorse
..just 2 people doing whats important to each
other...

My family knew my recovery was that important
to me....i had to do what i needed to stay sober.
To go to any lenghts....

I did learn as time went on that that when one
in the family is sick it affects everyone....they do
offer family recovery programs for them so all
of u can heal and grow in recovery together..

My family chose not to..and have so far done well
for themselves....Thank God....

All i know is i couldnt stay sober for them or
anyone else.....

Im sober today 16 yrs later and sure my family is supportive
of me as long as im happy....I wasnt happy in Houston
and they knew it...i am now that ive returned home to
my roots....

Take care of urself and allow time for family members
to trust u staying sober....so many broken promises
to family members..it takes time to regain trust again....

[Nuudawn]

(((awayout))))

For what I am about to say, I do not in any way wish to negate your pain. Pain is just so awful...and I feel for you so much. We as alcoholics are addicts want what we want NOW...we want gratification now...and we lack patience. You are going thru a process that takes time...and it's all about you and wanting it for you. All will fall into place..but you need courage, faith and patience. We cannot make others do as we wish...we can only be the best we can be and not look for our happiness or reward outside of our own actions and faith.
Stay steady and keep on keepin on.....I know you will find joy like you have never known if you fully comprehend this is all about being a better you. Look for support from those who have been there at AA...they know better than any the hell you've been to.

[indigo]

Welcome everyone has given good advice and experience, I agree with the others and I do hope you will keep posting and have pride in your sober time.

indigo

[spork]

awayout

Family stuff is hard, and it takes time. The most important amends you can make to your family is to live a different life. They'll come around, but it takes time.

My daugther refused to talk to me for almost a year during my early sobriety. It was awful - I didn't even know where she was for part of it. I chose to keep on staying sober a day at a time, and doing the next right thing. It took time - but she began to trust me again.

If you do what you need to do for yourself and your recovery, everything else will fall into place. I promise.

spork

[WantsOut]

Think about it from your family's perspective ... you've done them a lot of harm in the past and you can't promise that you'll never drink again.

It took a long time to mess things up and it will take a long time to fix them. Luckily your life is long too and you have many days to live sober and prove through your actions that you have changed.

Good luck and bless you!

[awayout]

i have spent 23 years of my life using to numb my pain and to live my life. I am having the hardest time learning how to enjoy life sober. I see other people happy and full of energy, but i just can't figure out what will make me happy. I don't know when i will get to the point where i actually look forward to a new day. I know it takes time, but i just don't feel i'm getting anywhere. Learning to love yourself is so hard, when you have spent most of your life hating everything about youself. Anyone have advise?

[CarolD]

My self esteem grew the longer
I have been in AA recovery.

I also did begin to wear bright colors
I got a new hair do + color
Fixed up my home.
Began to eat healty food.

Have you considered
AA? Or a therapist? Or both?

Blessings

[awayout]

i've heard you have to hit rock bottom before you can make a change. I feel i'm at the bottom, but yet i still jump on and off the wagon. I find myself drinking even when i really don't want to. they weird thing about my addiction is sometime i feel like it's the only thing i can control, because i choose what goes in my body, but yet i've never felt so out of control in my life. Does this make sense to anyone?

[awayout]

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