Any advise??

[Confused28]

When my husband I met we drank and smoked pot together.

I came to the conclusion that I could no longer continue to live that way and have 100 days of sobriety today!!! I have started going to AA and working the steps. I feel a lot better about myself and actually enjoy my kids and life a whole lot more now that I am sober. I still have a long way to go but I am thankful God has brought me this far.

The problem is my husband does not understand this whole sobriety thing. He is angry at me all the time. He thinks my meetings are just an excuse to be away from him. Which is really funny because since I have been sober you would think I had a deadly disease. He is away from the house every chance he gets. We barely even see each other.

I have found that I no longer react to things like I use to. He'll call me at work to vent about something and if I'm not instantly mad with him, he is angry with me.

He still continues to use around me. Sometimes it is very difficult. He is always telling me I don't love him the way I use to. I know all of his comments come from the illness. I know this because I am just now realizing how sick I am.

I'm just not sure of how to deal with him anymore. I am tired of always being upset over his outbursts. He makes me feel so guilty for working on myself. I love my husband but I am not sure what you do in a marriage when one is striving for sobriety and the other is still hell bent on partying all the time?

Thanks for listening!!

[myles1]

Congratulations on your hundred days for starters. It's probably small comfort but how your husband is reacting is totally predictable. The rules of your life have changed together it wants it back the way it was, it's totally normal for the still suffering family members to want to drag you back in with them. I'm not saying it's right mind you, it's just a normal reaction.

I think this would probably make a great topic for a meeting. There are other recovering alcoholics who have lived through the same thing and do all the time. Maybe alanon would be a help too.

Ngaire

P.S Why don't you post this on the A.A board?

[Paulie]

Hi confused and welcome.

Congrats on your 100 days that is awesome!!!!!!! Be proud of yourself cause you deserve it.

Myles is right. What your husband is doing is totally normal. You have to worry about taking care of you! Keep doing what you are doing. Rmember the words of the program...attraction, not promotion. Pray that as time passes he will see how happy you are and want to feel that way to. in the mean time, keep talking about it here and or at meetings, once we get the feelings out in the open it helps to take the power away from them.

Ideally, the best thing to happen would be for your husband to quit to and join you in recovery, is that what is goiing to happen? Only God knows. Pray for that and we will pray for that too.

As Myles suggested hop over to the Alanon boards and read some of the great stuff over there about how people cope with active addicts in their lives.

God Bless and again welcome and keep up the great work.

[zoomer]

Hey! Well, my husbad does not drink today,but is not happy about it either. My kids cry when I go to meetings because mommy is actually not thinking of for once! Today, I may not get 100% approvle, nor happiness that I'm going to meetings,but there is an exceptance of sorts because I made going to meetings my number one thing in my day! Every thing is secondary and I'm happier! 59 days sober! One more day and I get another coin!

[Juls]

Hi Confused,

Everyone has given you really good adivce and I have nothing to add. I just wanted to say Hi, and Welcome.

Juls