Finally admitting I have a problem.

[hope823]

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and I have finally been able to recognize that I have one. I'm scared and ashamed. I become a completely different person when I drink and I hate the person I become. I'm a binge drinker. I don't drink daily, but when I do drink I can't stop. Well, not all the time but usually when I'm stressed out or bitter about something. Last night I made some huge mistakes. I scared my family into filing a missing persons report. I might be losing my boyfriend, the best thing that ever happened to my son and me. My son is four and I need to be a more responsible mother. I grew up with an alcoholic stepdad who has been sober for about 10 years now. I always tell myself I'll just have a couple drinks and it usually turns into so many that I black out and don't remember how many I had. I haven't been involved with the law because of my drinking and I don't want to. I need to stop. I need help.

[barb dwyer]

Hi Hope823 -

And welcome!

Have you contacted your local AA? That's the best way to start.
I'm four months sober, and it's the best thing to have happened to me in years.
You've already done the toughest part.

There's good recovery on this site... just stick around a while, others will be along in a while to say hello!

hang in there! We're all pulling for you!

[hope823]

Nope, I haven't contacted an AA yet. This is the first time I've ever even thought about getting help. Is there any way to recover without AA?

[CarolD]

Hi and Welcome!!

Here is info from our Alcoholism Forum

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html (Excerpts "Under The Influence")

I used that book to quit drinking.
I stay quit with God and AA.

And Yes..people do recover without AA.

Congratulations on seeking answers to your drinking!
You are not alone and we do understand.

Blessings to you and your family

[luv2all]

Welcome, Hope, and please keep coming back to share with us, because we care.

It's a BIG step in admitting you have a problem. It was a big step for me, too. I was terrified at the very thought of going to an AA meeting. But it was the best thing I ever did in my entire life. You don't have to share if you don't want to, just sit and listen. When people at the meeting are sharing, listen for the similarities, rather than the differences.

The more meetings I attended, the faster and greater was my growth and recovery. The members became like loving family to me, as well as long-time friends.

Thanks to AA, all my insecurities and shame, shyness and fears are gone. I live in daily gratitude for my sobriety and all the little miracles and blessings that continue to come my way. I wish the same for you.

Please do whatever it takes to get to a meeting. I truly believe you won't be sorry. I always ask God for strength and courage in difficult times and my request is always answered.

God bless you,

Luv2All

[hope3]

Hi and welcome Hope823, you are not alone. That was the hardest part for me, admitting I have a problem.

You have found a great support in SR.
If you would like to learn more about alcoholism, there is a lot of good info at this site.

http://www.niaaa.nih.gov/

Keep coming back..

[hope823]

Thanks, everyone. AA is an option, but I want to try and do it on my own first. I'm really independent when it comes to change. Does that sound unhealthy? I appreciate honesty. I look forward to learning more about my problem and how to solve it. Thanks again.

[TamTam]

Hi Hope- Welcome to SR. I can relate to many of the things you said. I have learned that each time I confront the fear (admitting it) a HUGE weight is lifted off my shoulders. It seems to get less and less scary. I was so afraid to step into an AA mtg. Now I am so glad I'm there. Lots of support and non-judgemental people there. A= Anonymous, so no worries there. AA helps you understand acceptance. I have found that very helpful. Please come back here often- I would not be on day 45 without the love and support here at SR.

Happy New Year.

[CarolD]

Does that sound unhealthy?

I have been dealing with alcoholism and recovery
for years.
I know that every person must find their own path.

It is not my call to tell you what to do or
convince you.

I do hope you will find the joy of living sober.

Take Care...keep in touch.

[51anna]

Hi Hope,

I do hope you keep reading and posting. There is a lot of support here and a lot of good information.

[came2believe]

"I'm really independent when it comes to change."

I think it's safe to say that's true of most, if not all, alcoholics! My own independent, sneaky brain weaseled me into so much trouble for YEARS!

AA has worked for me personally for the last year and two weeks. You can call the number in the phone book and it can be arranged for someone to attend a meeting with you. There are women's only meetings which are my favorite type of meeting.

There is a 24 hour a day number in your area (I live in the Bay Area too but not the E. Bay), at (925) 829-0666 (Valley Service Center)

Here's your local website

http://www.valleyservicecenter.org/

where you could find a meeting schedule, if you so chose.

I had pictured AA meetings to be a bunch of drunks holding paper bags and smelling of whiskey who had all been to jail several times. In reality, I found a loving group of men, and particularyl women, who are in general smarter than the average bear, funny, kind and giving, who are closer to me than any of my other friends.

Best of luck to you whichever path of recovery you choose.

[Nuudawn]

Welcome Hope823,
I would define myself first as well..an alcoholic..but was a binger as well...drank to pass out or black out. Unfortunately my binges grew closer and closer together as the days passed. Up until quite recently..3 weeks ago today...I was drink a bottle of wine (sometimes less but mostly more) every night.

I tried to quit drinking on my own about a half a dozen times. I was extremely resistant to AA. I thought these folks were cultish...and heck, ya maybe a little weak. I figured I should be tough enough to do it on my own...use my brains and will! I tried to read myself out of alcoholism, I tried to exercise myself out of alcoholism..and it would last a month, two sometimes if I was real lucky almost 3 months.
Maybe you're not "broken" yet. Eventually alcohol defeated me in every sense of the word. I realized I wasn't "tough enough"..will couldn't do it. This dis-ease has nothing to do with might over intelligence or will or independence as you say. Heck, it attacks our best and brightest in many cases.
When I finally threw up my white flag and surrendered....at my wit's end..and dragged myself humbled and broken to my first meeting....WOW....I finally found an answer to that great gaping hole within...my lonelieness and isolation...my misery and depression..I could go on and on.

You need to do what you think is best but careful, my answer in my self-quits was "isolation"...so I wouldn't be triggered. Isolation is probably the worst thing to do to an alcohlic. At the very least, you will meet some fabulous new non-drinkers who will understand....

I wish you well. And if you are one of those who CAN quit on their own..hat's off to ya...and I do mean that.

Please stick around and keep posting.
T.

[Salsa]

HI Hope......you've taken the first and most important step...admitting you have a problem. I did quit without AA, however I had the help of my husband who quit with me. AA does work for many though!

I started 2006 without having a drink, but beforehand I did a lot of research on what alcohol does internally. It scared the crap out of me!!! I too could not just have "one or two" I did not stop until the bottle(s) were empty. I also felt like I wasn't the mother I knew I could be, and also knew if I continued I would drink myself to the grave by age 40. It's truly sickening what alcohol does to all of your organs and your health in general (not to mention everyday life!). Within weeks my appearance changed...I looked healthy, I started dropping lots of weight and felt so much more ALIVE!

You can do this!!! Does your spouse/boyfriend (sorry can't remember if married) drink/have a problem? Is he willing to help you and support you? While it's difficult to think you will never drink again it's better to just do it one day at a time. Over time you realize how much better life is sober and it becomes a way of life

Best of luck to you....please keep us posted!

[sugarbuger]

You have made the first step! Keep coming back. I read this board alot to tide me over when I have my four year old daught and can't easily get to a meeting. It is a big yet achievable aspiration to be an example to our children.

[Sugah]

Originally Posted by hope823

I'm really independent when it comes to change. Does that sound unhealthy?

I've heard this AA speaker (Wayne something or other from California) who talks about never being alone. He thought he was. But he was with himself. And that person wasn't his friend when it came to change. That person liked to keep things familiar, even if the "comfort zone" wasn't exactly comfortable.

Whatever path you choose, I urge you to seek out a support system. I tried every way I could imagine to do this thing alone. If you can, my hat is off to you...but please don't close your mind to other options.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[BrandiK]

Welcome, and try anything and everything you need to get sober!

[getn2gether]

I am one day sober.... so my only advise is find a supportive group. LIke you, my first step was admitting to not only myself but to my best friend who has been in recovery for six years, that I have a problem with drinking. I was an everyday drinker.... and now when I drink I black out. I too, have lost my husband of 18 months... but that is a blessing from God. Good Luck and please keep posting!

Kimberly

[aalisababe]

Just by the user name you picked: "hope" is on the way!

Educate yourself on this disease: Chronic Relapsing Brain Disease, or alcoholism. It's fatal, and terminal. You didn't ask for it, you didn't cause it, and you ALONE cannot cure it. If you want a prescription for remission:
Treatment (AA alone didn't work for me. I did 30 days inpatient, AWESOME)
attend regular meetings
get a sponsor
follow directions. (If you don't ask for help, you allow a drunk to keep running your life. . . how has that worked so far?)

Saying a prayer for you today!
Peace and love,
L