interesting experience - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

myles1 · 03-29-2003, 06:36 AM

Hi

,

This is what happened to me yesterday haha.

I clean houses as part of my living and I was WAS working for this man who has been in the program for 21 years

.

Anyways, one day last week I was venting to him out of frustration about the hasle Iwas having with the bank to get a credit card. So I don't think anything more of it I go about my week.

Thursday, the bank calls about 5 in the afternoon, they want to talk to me about a complaint I made about my credit card so I go to the bank.

So while I'm in there talking to the woman she tells me that also someone went into the bank and talked to the bank manager about my credit card and they wouldn't tell me who it was but I figured it out. I t was this person I WAS working for.

So I have a talk with him about the bank and going to the bank and basically he's butt his nose where he's not supposed to and now the bank is upset with me. And I'm trying very calmly and diplomatically to explain to him that I will deal with it my way and to stay out of it. It's nice that he wants to help but I have to take care of it.

Well all of a sudden just snap like that his nice tone of voice changes and he gets mean and starts calling me a QUITTER saying that I'm quitting and the woman at the bank was going to WIN. DING, DING, DING VERBAL ABUSE!!!!! BLAME, CONTROL!!!!

So this person who claims up and down that they want to help and that they respect me and the whole bulls#$t 9 yards is totally NOT listening to me, NOT respecting me.

Well that was it enough with diplomacy on my part, I told him in no uncertain terms if I was a quitter that I wouldn't have stayed in A.A for 5 years and he was totally out of line to say something like that. AND I said "Don't expect me on Monday I won't be back to work for you." He says "oh now you are cutting off your nose to spite your face." DING,DING,DING MANIPULATION!!!

I said "Are you nuts, you think I'm going back to work for you after you verbally abused me"?????!!!!!!!!!!

He left me a letter on the hood of my truck which I promptly tore up without reading it and then I called someone I used to work for and I'm starting back there next week.

So it was actually a very enlightening experience because I saw the whole cycle of abuse in front of me very outright and blatant. Glad I don't have his sobriety.

I wasn't doing what HE wanted me to do so he began to get that very ugly angry tone of voice and name call me. Which made absolutely no sense considering he had completely over stepped his boundaries into MY business and then was calling me down because I was asking for what I want and need.

No thanks, kiss off and take your job and s#$%e it buddy!!!!!

Ngaire

Paulie · 03-29-2003, 10:31 AM

Ngaire -

Good for you, you felt you were being disrespected and you stood up for yourself and did not take it.

(((hugs to you and a pat on the back)))

zoomer · 03-29-2003, 11:46 AM

Hey N, hiss, hiss geeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowl! Good for you you she cat! Don't mess with the big N! LOL!!! I'd love to see his face when you told him to put the job up his a##!
Love Zoomer

myles1 · 03-30-2003, 04:49 AM

I'd like to see the look on his face when the key to his house arrives in the mail on Monday at the time when I'm supposed to be arriving

.

I was sharing at the meeting last night that a few years ago I wouldn't have even realized that I was being disrespected.

My alanon sponsor when I told her she asked me if after the 3 years with my ex if I can recognize now when I 'm being disrespected. I guess I can.

Ngaire

zoomer · 03-30-2003, 05:56 AM

Hey N, I guess too that you know what to do when your disrespectd!! LOL~! You go girlfriend!
Love Zoomer

Live · 03-30-2003, 05:59 AM

Consider it a learning experience and forget about him!

You've got better things to do!

Paulie · 03-30-2003, 07:51 AM

Hey N -

Great question from your sponsor. I think for me anyway, sometimes it is easier to see how we are being treated from someone we are not close to, like the man you worked for but not so easy from your spouse, ya know what I mean? But I am glad that you have learned something from the experience.

I am with Live, talk what you have learned, and forget the guy, he is not worth renting space in your head.

myles1 · 03-30-2003, 12:50 PM

He sure isn't! I think I'm going to bake and cook tomorrow in his time slot.

To thine own self be true!

I think I really didn't see how horrible and disrespectful my ex was to me. People must have been wondering why I was putting up with it. Boy.

Ngaire

03-29-2003, 06:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	interesting experience Hi , This is what happened to me yesterday haha. I clean houses as part of my living and I was WAS working for this man who has been in the program for 21 years . Anyways, one day last week I was venting to him out of frustration about the hasle Iwas having with the bank to get a credit card. So I don't think anything more of it I go about my week. Thursday, the bank calls about 5 in the afternoon, they want to talk to me about a complaint I made about my credit card so I go to the bank. So while I'm in there talking to the woman she tells me that also someone went into the bank and talked to the bank manager about my credit card and they wouldn't tell me who it was but I figured it out. I t was this person I WAS working for. So I have a talk with him about the bank and going to the bank and basically he's butt his nose where he's not supposed to and now the bank is upset with me. And I'm trying very calmly and diplomatically to explain to him that I will deal with it my way and to stay out of it. It's nice that he wants to help but I have to take care of it. Well all of a sudden just snap like that his nice tone of voice changes and he gets mean and starts calling me a QUITTER saying that I'm quitting and the woman at the bank was going to WIN. DING, DING, DING VERBAL ABUSE!!!!! BLAME, CONTROL!!!! So this person who claims up and down that they want to help and that they respect me and the whole bulls#$t 9 yards is totally NOT listening to me, NOT respecting me. Well that was it enough with diplomacy on my part, I told him in no uncertain terms if I was a quitter that I wouldn't have stayed in A.A for 5 years and he was totally out of line to say something like that. AND I said "Don't expect me on Monday I won't be back to work for you." He says "oh now you are cutting off your nose to spite your face." DING,DING,DING MANIPULATION!!! I said "Are you nuts, you think I'm going back to work for you after you verbally abused me"?????!!!!!!!!!! He left me a letter on the hood of my truck which I promptly tore up without reading it and then I called someone I used to work for and I'm starting back there next week. So it was actually a very enlightening experience because I saw the whole cycle of abuse in front of me very outright and blatant. Glad I don't have his sobriety. I wasn't doing what HE wanted me to do so he began to get that very ugly angry tone of voice and name call me. Which made absolutely no sense considering he had completely over stepped his boundaries into MY business and then was calling me down because I was asking for what I want and need. No thanks, kiss off and take your job and s#$%e it buddy!!!!! Ngaire

03-29-2003, 10:31 AM	#2 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Ngaire - Good for you, you felt you were being disrespected and you stood up for yourself and did not take it. (((hugs to you and a pat on the back))) __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

03-30-2003, 07:51 AM	#7 (permalink)
Paulie It is what it is!!! Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Sobriety Posts: 5,785	Hey N - Great question from your sponsor. I think for me anyway, sometimes it is easier to see how we are being treated from someone we are not close to, like the man you worked for but not so easy from your spouse, ya know what I mean? But I am glad that you have learned something from the experience. I am with Live, talk what you have learned, and forget the guy, he is not worth renting space in your head. __________________ I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06 The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR

03-29-2003, 11:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Hey N, hiss, hiss geeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowl! Good for you you she cat! Don't mess with the big N! LOL!!! I'd love to see his face when you told him to put the job up his a##! Love Zoomer

03-30-2003, 04:49 AM	#4 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	I'd like to see the look on his face when the key to his house arrives in the mail on Monday at the time when I'm supposed to be arriving . I was sharing at the meeting last night that a few years ago I wouldn't have even realized that I was being disrespected. My alanon sponsor when I told her she asked me if after the 3 years with my ex if I can recognize now when I 'm being disrespected. I guess I can. Ngaire

03-30-2003, 05:56 AM	#5 (permalink)
zoomer Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again! Posts: 2,495	Hey N, I guess too that you know what to do when your disrespectd!! LOL~! You go girlfriend! Love Zoomer

03-30-2003, 05:59 AM	#6 (permalink)
Live Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Bristol TN/VA Posts: 11,588 Blog Entries: 5	Consider it a learning experience and forget about him! You've got better things to do!

03-30-2003, 12:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
myles1 Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec Posts: 797	He sure isn't! I think I'm going to bake and cook tomorrow in his time slot. To thine own self be true! I think I really didn't see how horrible and disrespectful my ex was to me. People must have been wondering why I was putting up with it. Boy. Ngaire

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