Guilt

[parentrecovers]

my 22 year old daughter is in rehab, she is an alcoholic. one thing i am really starting to see is how much she and the other women in her recovery center hold onto guilt and shame. so much pain associated with that. the men there, not so much. or maybe they're just not "showing" it?

any good comments, feedback?

thanks! k

[mar6pak]

From my experience in rehabs, the men tend to not show it in a group. But they are feeling it too, they'll share on a more personal level. And Guilt and Shame are very strong! I STILL feel it on some levels. There are so many regrets in my life, things I wish I did differently. I think as women we tend to hold on to that because of our careing nature and we want to please others. I know I do anyway. It takes time to get thru those feelings. Being open and honest about them is a start. The best you can do, from my experience is listen without judging. She'll be scared to talk to you about things she's ashamed of. Let her know that you're there for her and just want to help her get thru this anyway possible.
Hope I helped,
Mar

[laurie6781]

Yes I can remember the Guilt. But I can also remember (I lived in a recovery home for alcoholic women from 5 days to 90 days sober) the other women and myself trying to use the guilt to get sympathy. In other words using it to manipulate. Of course, as I stayed sober, and started to work the steps, and leaned that I could make amends, and that somewhere down the line I would be able to forgive myself, the guilt lessoned.

Feeling guilt is normal. I do believe the men feel it also, but as was said above, men in general seem more comfortable sharing on a one on one basis rather than in a group environment.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[northbelle]

In recovery we eventually tlearn to get rid of that horrible SHAME crap. It just takes time. I think men have it too they just aren't so in touch with it..I dealt with some really horrible shame myself and today it doesn't hold me down anymore..I am gald that she is in treatment and has YOU to support her, My mom died while I was IN treatment and I still miss her support. She was the one person in this world who truly loved me unconditionally...
I hope you can both become closer throught this treatment process. It can be tough huh?? It is a process that just takes time so be patient with her and you too!!
love north

[zoomer]

After we are in recovery for a while we let go of the past,but we do not wish to shut the door on it so we may learn from our mistakes. I have a little shame left over from when I was active,but not too much any more. I was young and out of control when most of my mishaps have happened. I guess it all depends on what people did when they where active. I'm sure in time your daughter's guilt and shame will be less as she moves forward in recovery.
She will have to be reminded that she is young and we all do foolish things when we are young and active. I know for me when I meet other women in the rooms most seem very happy to be alive and out of the grips of being active. In rehab though I think most women have a lot to think about and are being pushed to think about things so they may recover and do most of the foot work while in rehab. All in all though early recovery is a bitch and emotions run wild at this time. Alcoholism and drug addiction feed off of emotions,so when your daughter or another woman is down with guilt and shame just remind them that thier addiction wants them to feel bad.