I Don't Want To Drag Him Down With Me

[spraak]

This guy has his whole life ahead of him, he's smart, and a great guy, and yet he just made the worst decision of his life.

He asked me to be his girlfriend.

I don't want him to be screwed like me. I like him a lot, and love him, but I love him so much that I really just can't see him be with me, I'm not worth it.

I wish he would just leave me. I can't break up with him, it's not his fault, I don't want to hurt him.

Ugh, sucky emotions.

[indigo]

Hi welcome I'm sure lots of women who understand your position and will be along soon with plenty of ESH.

indigo

[CarolD]

[51anna]

Spraak,

Welcome,

You can stop drinking/using and change your life. I hope you keep posting and reading and get inspired.

[northbelle]

Oh my gosh..WHAT IS IT..that makes us woman feel this way. I really can relate to what you said ...I have a great new guy and think the same BULL****!! I mean I KNOW you are a worthwhile person! We ALL are..but I have a hrd time telling MYSELF that! Are you clean??
I have two months now and am going through alot..I need to hit more meetimgs to ge tmyslef grounded again. Meetings really work for me..
Thank you for posting..I don't feel so alone with my stinkin thinkin..
love north

[spraak]

I've been clean since Tuesday, so I'm just starting out.

I just can't shake this feeling of worthlessness.

[Kahlia]

Originally Posted by spraak

I've been clean since Tuesday, so I'm just starting out.

I just can't shake this feeling of worthlessness.

You haven't had enough time to work on YOU yet let alone a relationship, I understand that you are lonely-we all are and get that way....but why hurt another person when we are just getting our own self together. I am glad to hear that you are OK and that you are clean.......That is GREAT.....stay that way.....that is the ONLY way to shake the feeling of worthlessness. You have been doing nothing but drugs for so long you don't know how to JUST be YOU..it takes time...I have been clean almost 7 years and STILL have self-esteem issues because of the family I was raised in-Dysfnctional-do not be so hard on yourself and do not go use , that is NOT your answer, it is your problem...I hope you keep talking, that is healthy and very good for you to get all you stuff out.....right now just be friends with this guy....we tend to be a little over friendly when we are trying to try act like we are OK...it is crazy...think about it....PEACE......am sayin a prayer....Kahlia

[JDPUG1983]

i think highly of myself but i have insecurity issues- when i think about my life i think i've had these issues since childhood. always looking for acceptance! i think i used alcohol as a way to mask these insecurities. i would use the alcohol to bring out what i thought were the "better" parts of my personality but when i overdrink it brings out the worst parts of my personality. now i have a boyfriend who loves me and who i love but i'm pushing him away with the drinking. it's such a vicious cycle....

[LettingGo]

Hi Spraak.....
The only way I have been able to stay clean and sober was to begin losing those feelings of worthlessness. I did that and continue to do so by going to AA or NA meetings. There is something about surrendering to the idea you have control over drugs or alcohol that is so powerful. In these rooms you find a peace within that cannot be found in a bottle or over the pipe. I know all to well how low and empty it can feel but I have a firm testimony of the miracle of recovery and how the rooms of a twelve step program can help. Its the only thing that saved me and I will be forever greatful. I can only pray you find your way to the soloution as well. You are not alone and I will keep you in my prayers.
Much love and respect,
Jamie

[pistol]

i can totally relate; i have a great guy too, and he sticks by me even though i try to hide my drinking; and it is escalating; we have been talking about getting married and got engaged a year ago; now that he has finalized his divorce he doesn't even mention it; and in some ways i'm glad, because he deserves better than what i have been giving lately; i am going to try harder not to drink and take some steps to change things, like meetings and counseling

[TheGirlInside]

I just learned a hard lesson (check my reply under the thread "got hurt by someone I cared deeply for")...which is...

Emotionally stable men are attracted to emotionally stable women.

Therefore, emotionally stable men will RUN from an emotionally unstable woman.

So, no matter what I want to believe...where I'm at right now in my recovery and life in general...I'm very far removed from being emotionally ready for an emotionally mature man. To be honest (on a good day), I would rather wait and get myself figured out, and take the time I need for myself, so that in a another year or a few, the type of Man I really want will find me very attractive...because he will be looking for a mature, stable woman.

I know...a warm pair of masculine arms around me right now would feel soooo good....but wouldn't fill the void. Only I can do that.

Best to you,

[MegH33]

I don't mean to sound harsh, but here is my 2 cents. If you don't have a sobriety date, get one. I found working the 12 steps freed me from all those negtaive feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt. You are the only you there is--put yourslef first and recover. A healthy and equal loving relationship will happen when you feel good about yourself.

I wasted too much time in despair--I'm free now, and love every minute of it.

[KathyL]

Northbelle & Spraak -
You deserve so much happiness and worthy of all that is good!
But your sobriety is more important, trust your gut feeling!
This is what they call 13 stepping a newcomer! These guys are not wonderful they are
portraying of selfishness and self-centered behavior not allowing a newcomer to recieve the gift they were freely given the gift of the program.

Girls your gut feelings are telling you something and it has nothing to do with worthiness, or your not deserving of happiness it has to do with your HP saying to you, drop them I have something better for you!!! That you are deserving of something so much more wonderful than you can imagine.

These men if they are in the program, if they are working the program they would say to you go talk to a woman, let me help you find a woman to speak to about those problems. I know this was done to me and I am not an ugly woman and I feel very blessed to have these men in my life, they helped me to recieve the wonderful gift they were given now after 15 years of sobriety I tell you stick with the women!!