 |
|---|
 |
 |
 |
| | |
|
| |||||||
 | Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community Already registered? Login above ---^ OR To take advantage of all the site’s features, become a member of the supportive Sober Recovery Community. Ads will no longer appear on the forums if you are a registered user |
 |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Display Modes |
10-29-2006, 08:17 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Putting it all together  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
| A chameleon is just that......
Well ladies, I have had a lot of things but today was a rude awakaning, my fiancee, that was so wonderful, went totally berserk and showed his true colors....he told me that he can see why my ex used to beat that sh*t out of me because of my mouth"....I of course could not sit there and take his crap and told him that I wanted him OUT. This all started this morning over him saying that he was tired of me talking to DAMN loud...(SORRY, STEVE, ABOUT ALL THE ANTI-BIOTICS that I have had in the past and during the cancer treatment).......I saw a Totally different self-centered , selfish, noncaring, and then at 9:00 he comes and says "Can I say something?"....I told him I would prefer to be left alone...he said it anyway...he did not know how to deal with his anger??? NO sh*T....I still want OUT. The problem is...we just bought this house in both of our names-He would Haveto buy me out or vise versa...I am NOT leaving as I have done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment....I was in the hospital again last week for 5 days for my Multiple Sclerosis...the Drs.told me is was ALL stress related??? Maybe it was all coming and I just didn't see it. I know that History Teach is going to respond and I am going to say right now, I have NO family to go to or friends that I could stay with.....I divorced my family almost 2 years ago when my older drunken brother cursed me out the morning of my younger brother's funeral....I had my boundry line's SOOOOOO crossed, it will never be fixed, they are so ill they could employ the State Hospital for a good 3 or 4 years. I mean it, after he did it, My Mother was trying to find him breath mints in the funeral home.....too TOXIC for me....I cannot deal with them...Steve has and knows that he has finished me off here and that the things that he said were so hurtful that there is just NO way of fixing it...he acted like he was drunk but does not drink....HE was NOT drinking. He does not use drugs...he made a deliberate show of saying that the way I deal with my issues is to ( then he takes my asthma meds and all my other meds and acts like he is pouring them down his throat)...very cute and very childlike behavior.....I said ...UH...excuse, me.....that would have been over 6 and a half years ago...why are you saying something about it now????? Just to hurt . That's why. I do not play games and he does not know MY rules, so he cannot play. The house etc....feedback , ladies....I feel like dragging my feet on the curb, not because of self-esteem issues, just because, HOW could I have been so WRONG??????? ........PEACE.......Kahlia
__________________ To be idle is a short road to death-to be diligent is a short road to life-BUDDAH We are defined by moments we cannot reclaim........ |
|      |
|
10-29-2006, 08:36 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
|
first of all i'm so sorry about the loss of your brother... i do not know what you should do about the house...but maybe it's a good thing that you found out who he is sooner rather than later...i hope things work out for you and i'm sorry i have no advice...but you are in my thoughts tonite...stay strong and do what's best for you...take care... |
|
| |
|
10-29-2006, 08:40 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Putting it all together Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
| Around , Around. we go, I will stop, Damn it, I know!!!!
Thank you, Carol....I am very stressed...not good for my disease......he is still here and will not leave, is acting very arrogant at this point.....it is 10:30, in St.Louis, Mo. I need a good dose of meditation and yoga but cannot do while he is here and everywhere I go, he seems to end up there. Also, I noticed, he has been checking caller ID??? I have never given him ANY reason to distrust me, I am sure that a guy is looking everywhere for a cute white chick, 5'5, black hair, that is just now about an inch high, black eyes and bruises all over her arms and a port-a-cath-in the right upper chest wall...very romantic!!!! I LIKE ME!!!!!!! ....I STILL LIKE ME......HE IS NOT GOING TO MAKE ME NOT LIKE ME!!!!!!! HA HA HA...........PEACE out ladies.......Kahlia  :
__________________ To be idle is a short road to death-to be diligent is a short road to life-BUDDAH We are defined by moments we cannot reclaim........ |
|
| |
|
10-30-2006, 03:22 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,928
|
I am so very very sorry that this has happened to you, I have no good advice except to take care of yourself. You will be in my heart and in my prayers. indigo
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
|
| |
|
10-30-2006, 03:47 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| To Life!  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
|
(((Kahlia))) I'm so sorry...  I don't think it matters right now how you were, or even IF you were wrong. I think it's important to make a plan for yourself. He does indeed sound abusive. And only you can decide where your line in the sand is. I do suggest you call a domestic violence shelter. The women there can help you make an escape plan, just in case. Please do so. What you describe is not normal behavior, for him to twist like that, out of the blue. I am curious as to how long you both knew each other? An how long involved prior to buying the house? Can you afford to buy him out? Can you afford a lawyer? The DV workers can help you out there too. Finally, please don't stand on principle if you are in danger. Let him buy you out or put the house up for sale. Too many women have been hurt or killed because they refused to leave a dangerous situation, based in a principle. The principle remains if your in a safe place, too, right? Please take care of you... I know this is so hard for you. Do you have any strong friends who can comfort you during this time? I'm praying for an answer for you. Shalom!
__________________  IMAGINE |
|
| |
|
10-30-2006, 04:21 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,495
|
What a smuck! I don't have any advice,but am very upset for you. If he stays,tell him you want him to go see someone for his anger. I'm still very troubled how a man can treat you badly in your condition! ((((((((((Huggys))))))) and take care of yourself.
|
|
| |
|
10-30-2006, 05:43 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,813
|
Oh Kahlia, This is so awful for you and I'm sorry. I do hope you get out soon and away from the verbal abuse. This will only continue to harm you if you stay there. Can he buy you out? I assume he has a job so can he remain in the house and pay you off for your part of it, slowly. Or put the house up for a quick sale, and divide what you get for it. It's not worth being stuck there, just because of the house.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
| |
|
10-30-2006, 05:05 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada
Posts: 689
|
(((Kahlia))) I'm really sorry this has happened. It is devasating to put so much hope and trust in someone, and in a future with them, and then have the rug pulled out like this. When you ask how you could be so wrong, please don't beat yourself up about this. In the beginning of a relationship, most are on best behavior. It's only as time goes by, and the heady part of romance fades a little, that the other not-so-perfect parts of people start emerging and we get a more realistic view of them as a whole person. I'm also going to say something else -- and I am in no way defending him because his behavior was 100% abusive and incredibly nasty -- but the two of you have been through an enormous amount in the past many months. No one deserves the treatment you received, and I have a lot of respect for you in being so clear about not accepting it. I simply wanted to point out that you both have had to deal with a lot. I know I have behaved in ways I feel absolutely wretched about when I've been at a breaking point. I've wanted to crawl under a rock sometimes for things I regret saying. I've never said anything quite as hateful as what Steve said, but I've come close. Since beginning my recovery, I don't lose it like that, but it took a long time and work to get there. I hope things are a bit more peaceful for you today. Keep posting. We're here. gf |
|
| |
|
10-30-2006, 11:24 PM
| #10 (permalink) | |
| Putting it all together Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
| Quote:
__________________ To be idle is a short road to death-to be diligent is a short road to life-BUDDAH We are defined by moments we cannot reclaim........ | |
|
| |
|
10-31-2006, 05:34 AM
| #11 (permalink) |
| Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,813
|
Stress and upset and very understandable with these conditions Kahlia. You are a strong, smart woman and I know you'll take care of yourself and find a way out of this situation. Use the resources of your police friend to protect you and keep planning. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
__________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
|
| |
|
10-31-2006, 03:34 PM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Still Faking It!  Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 56
|
Kahlia: I am sorry for your troubles ... I truely believe that when people show you who they REALLY are, you should believe them. Sounds as if Steve wants you to believe him -- no matter how long you have been together there is no excuse for bad behavior. You are not a waste case anymore and do not have to settle. Believe him and move on if possible. I'm sorry life is hard right now ... If things were easy we would not work for them! Take care of you and the other stuff just happens. Be well, Di
__________________ Di - sturbed  |
|
| |
|
10-31-2006, 03:40 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!!
Posts: 944
|
ohhh hon...i am sooo sorry that this is going on!!!!! but i can tell you as a survivor of two very abusive men....by the time they show their true colors it is ALWAYS toooo late!!!! but i have learned one very important lession the hard way.....they are not worth me...you on the other hand already have that lession figured out....so you are 1000 steps ahead of the "game"!!!! ((((((huge huge bear hugs just for you))))) and remember...take care of you!!!!!  rachel
__________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into! |
|
| |
|
11-03-2006, 06:13 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| Putting it all together Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
| Happy November and HOW was Halloween????
Ladies.-----I moved yersterday with the help of three freiends, one being the Det. of the of the Police Dept...............NOT taking any chances...Steve could NOT believe thjat I was MOVING???? He kept asking why??? He said he could not believe after everything we had been through together I could just get up and GO like that...THAT easy....I told him I would l;ike to talk to him....so we had a little sit down and I said "Steve, Do you remeber when I met you 8 years ago?, and told you that the one thing I would NOT put up with was ABUSE?" he said "I think I remember" I then said..."Steve, why did you put your hands on me in the hallway, drag me by my shirt and telll me that I was NOT going any where?" "Steve said, I did not drag you, I WAS JUST trying to stop you....." i looked at him and said "I cannot talk to a brick wall...." I kept taking some of my things out and of course he acted like he had NO clue as to WHY I was leaving, he knew EXACTLY why.....He kept complainging about certain things that I was taking that were MINE....he kept saying that this was not the END of this....just the normal abuser stuff...I am so happy I a away from him. I am glad that I do not have to look over my shoulder all the time and always walk around on egg shells...I am NOT going to do it, I have a life and I am going to live it.......thank you for all the support, it really helped me........PEACE....Do not let any man hit y use verbal abuse, you do not deserve it...........Kahlia
__________________ To be idle is a short road to death-to be diligent is a short road to life-BUDDAH We are defined by moments we cannot reclaim........ |
|
| |
|
11-03-2006, 11:27 PM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,813
|
Kahlia, I am so proud of you and thankful that you had your police friend to help you out. Steve's behaviour sounds very manipulative and I am so glad that you got out before things worsened - and they would have gotten worse. I hope you were able to get a new place on short notice and that you are getting settled in. Please let us know how things are going.
__________________ And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
|
| |
|
11-04-2006, 08:32 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Putting it all together Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
| I have a special room......
I REFUSE to take crap off anyone-after all, I took it off myself for 3 years!!!! I think that I sat down in the quiet of a room and looked around and asked myself..."Kahlia, what is most important......a little furniture, a little TV's, a Litttle clothing (that I got out anyway)....it was paid for by me).....I am still growing out my hair and that DID it...I remembered all the pain I went through during the cancer treatments and though....PAIN....NO more unnecessary pain.....BULL....he can stick it. It is just stuff and we can always get MORE stuff.....all you ladies out there-if you ever get a guy who starts acting like a crazy idiot....GET your BUTTS out the very 1st time....Do NOT make excuses..., there are none. He is a JERK....I am a GOOD person and DAMN it, I will not put up with CRAP that I do not need to, enough..I have already been through enough...he should understand that BUT he is too busy being self-centered....WELL, now he has all the time in the world to be alone or NOT and do that.....JUST without ME........PEACE, my friends....Kahlia
__________________ To be idle is a short road to death-to be diligent is a short road to life-BUDDAH We are defined by moments we cannot reclaim........ |
|
| |
|
11-05-2006, 01:29 AM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: a happier place than before!!!!
Posts: 944
|
i am soooo that you were able to get out and that you are safe!!!!!! You have been through sooo much!!!! hang in there!!!!! 
__________________ Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull your a$$ out of the bind you've gotten yourself into! |
|
| |
|
11-05-2006, 04:14 PM
| #23 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: home sweet home
Posts: 300
|
K, You are such a strong woman.....let him shine however he sees fit. You can move forward and create the positive place you wish to be. Things are things, and can all be replaced. The important thing is, you will have peace in your heart. I will keep you in my thoughts.
__________________ Good things are about to happen......... |
|
| |
|
11-07-2006, 07:31 PM
| #24 (permalink) |
| Putting it all together Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
| I have been CUT lose..........................  I think strength comes from the heart being mended and knowing that you can do whatever you put your mind to....I know that 7 years ago, my self-esteem was NO where NEAR near it is now but then I was using and I did not care about anyone, me being the very first person on my list....I have come so far that yesterday my therapist told me I do not need to see her any more-she has cut me lose...it was really weird...it felt like I was being turned out...but then IT felt REALLY good to know how hard I had worked for 7 years and how far I had become......I feel so good today I could throw a party, alcohol free and drug free of course....BUT a really good party with all of you guys and a lot of my friends that have helped me to this point.....I wish you all peace and serenity and may you all have the feeling I have right now.............Kahlia
__________________ To be idle is a short road to death-to be diligent is a short road to life-BUDDAH We are defined by moments we cannot reclaim........ |
|
| |
|
| Bookmarks |
| Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
| |
| |
© 2011 Recovery Marketing Services, Inc. |
Linear Mode
