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08-26-2006, 07:42 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| To Life!  Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
|  Is it or isn't it?
Ok, so, there's this guy I met a few months ago. Actually, I met him @ a year ago; just started talking to him 3 months ago. It was at the services; I was sharing how I quit smoking at my 6 month anniversary; and he came up and congratulated me afterwards. We started talking then. He asked me how I overcame my addiction, and it started from there. He's a nice guy. He is the dual diagnoses coordinator for the state of RI. He's given me some names/contacts to help Trevor. But, we've started talking more. Never much; a few minutes before and after services; that's all. And this morning, he came and sat with me during the service. It was ackward and nice at the same time. I was thinking to myself how funny it must have looked to the others. Ya know, we all kind of have our own "assigned" seats, meaning we all kind of sit in the same place week after week. It was quite conspicuous that he joined me. I normally sit alone, at the end of the aisle. Anyway....afterwards, he said that he's teaching a class on Saturday mornings, and won't be at Temple for this first semister. I as disappointed. And I told him we'd miss him. He asked me to go with him to the High Holiday services. He told me where he sits and said we can email, and he'd pick me up. I told him to feel free to email me anytime, if he'd like. Ok, it's just been AGES since I've been doing this stuff! Last guy I dated was the "luuuuuuvvvvvv doctor," a real jerk. And I've only dated a few guys since my divorce @ 7 years ago. All of them have had issues of addiction/alcohol. I'd about given up! But, what the heck am I saying? Going to services doesn't constitute a date!  I don't know what the heck is going on. I don't want to make a fool of myself. I've been hoping to find someone special. And OMG, talk about a match made in heaven -- if this is something! He's the same faith; and he's an addiction specialist -- in mental health too boot! But, I've made sure that all our discussions, short as they are, are not all around Trevor. He always asks, though.... So, what the heck IS going on here? Feedback, please! Arggg!!!  Shalom!
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08-26-2006, 08:22 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Member  Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 4,864
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Sounds like the beginnings of a Love Story.... : ) Sooo sweet....I love hearing how relationships begin. Simple at first and then....who knows.... I told my daughter who is 19 that possibly the right guy will be someone you least expect him to be. He could be someone in the back ground....someone uve seen and possibly talked to but no connection. Then all of a sudden they r right there before u. Then ud say...hey i remember u...u were in my class and i didnt say much to u, but our paths crossed with no meaning. Sure enough this guy who is the new bow in my daughter life right now is exactly that...a guy several yrs older but was in the high school band just about to graduate when my daughter was beginning. They knew of each other, but that was it....Then all of a sudden she gets an email from him from out of the clear blue this summer. The romance is on...yet they r apart at different colleges right now....which for me is good because school comes first before play. : ) Anyway....things will happen just as they r suppose to be. I have to keep believing that God has our lives already mapped out for us...so worrying and wishing for anything wont help..... He'll guide u and bless you with the things you need in ur life.
__________________ "A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED" SHARON B.  Baton Rouge, La. 8-11-90 I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily bases for guidance, care and protection. |
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08-26-2006, 08:42 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Member  |
Well, it certainly sounds like the two of you have some things in common and have a type of connection. Where will it lead? Who knows? I know that feeling you expressed "Is it or isn't it?". Try to have fun with it, focus on getting to know him better as a friend and it will become apparent if there is something more. If not, you can never have enough friends! Enjoy! Kellye
__________________ Kellye C. Sobriety Date 8/8/04 - By God's Grace and A.A. |
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08-26-2006, 09:07 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Forum Leader  Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 34,835
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Let your mind be open Your legs crossed Your heart willing.. Wear blue to your next meeting...it is the color of trust and men feel safer.. 
__________________  Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!  |
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08-27-2006, 03:54 AM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Community Greeter  Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,928
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Wow I've been with my partner so long hmmmm! nice and easy does it sounds promising to me. Heady stuff Teach, keep us posted huh? hugs indie
__________________ When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself." Namasté  |
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08-27-2006, 06:05 AM
| #7 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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Thanks for your replies. I feel so out of place. I don't know how to do this anymore, and honestly, I wasn't very good at it before I got married! I was married 24 years and divorced now for 7 (I think!LOL!) He's not going to be at Temple now, due to his teaching responsibilities. I rather liked getting to know him a bit at a time. No pressure then, ya know? But, I guess we'll see each other for the High Holidays. Now there's pressure! It's a bit hard to have fun with it when it's a big event! LOL! Carol, you crack me up! LOL! It's been so long, I don't know if I'll remember how! I've not been with anyone since my ex! But, I'll wear blue, LOL! It's appropriate anyway, lol! Ok, I gotta get back to work. I start school tomorrow, and I'm trying to finish my syllabus and grade book. And I'm looking forward to a better year this year, though I find myself nervous....  Shalom!
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08-27-2006, 06:11 AM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 22,813
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Well, Teach, he sure sounds interested, doesn't he? That's so nice and he sounds like a great guy. As the others said, just take it slow and easy and see what happens.
__________________  And I dont know what the future is holding in store I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end. John Denver |
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08-27-2006, 06:20 AM
| #9 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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He is nice. He's got a daughter in college. He's a social worker, with a PhD. He works with addicts and as a teacher. The first time he saw me, he was impressed to know that I read music. We've started many conversations, but, due to the start of services or Torah Study afterwards, haven't gotten too far with them. But, that won't happen now. And that was nice and easy. I guess now that's all going to change. Guess I gotta go with the flow. I'm going to try not to even think about it now. I may never hear from him again, and I'm living in the future right now. Oh, brother!  Thanks again!  Shalom!
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08-27-2006, 06:31 AM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 4,864
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You could pick up Pilates(SP)? and begin those stretch exercises....lol I notice as i get older that my limbs are starting to stiffen up....crossing my legs even seem difficult... lol Start with small stretches and by the time u meet up with ur friend..ull be ready for him...lol 24 yrs....that was a long time with one person....thats where i am today....i would feel the same way as u if i were to ever be with anyone different from my spouse. Im jogging now and exercising...just in case...lol
__________________ "A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED" SHARON B. Baton Rouge, La. 8-11-90 I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily bases for guidance, care and protection. |
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08-27-2006, 06:45 AM
| #11 (permalink) |
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Teach has a boyfriend, Teach has a boyfriend, nah,nah, nah, nah,nah.  (I just had to do that) I'm such a brat.No kidding aside. Stop projecting. Keep it in today. And most of all, just continue to be yourself. Act the same as you have been. There is no reason for any of the dynamics to change. Whether you are going to regular services, high holiday, or out to lunch, just be who you would normally be during those activities. If he likes you, and is looking to pursue something more, then he already likes you as you are. Why change anything? Also, you want him to like you as you are. You don't want to have to change or behave differently to get someone to like you. Keep us posted. even me, the brat.
__________________  I came into this program to save my a** and found out it was attached to my soul. -- Anonymous |
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08-27-2006, 11:58 AM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| Member  Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,614
| Quote:
 Good one, Sharon!Teach - I am tickled for you! Just remember to have FUN!
__________________ If ten people tell you that you have a tail... you might want to turn around and look.  | |
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08-27-2006, 12:06 PM
| #13 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 4,864
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lol im giggling....no laughing...crying...lol WELL.... Whether one is waiting for a man or not...we women have to stay in shape....at least try to. : ) If one lived on a farm and could ride horses for exercise then that would be great....but for us city gals....THERE ARE NO HORSES..! lol oh me.... I better stop here before i get myself in hot water and cant get out....lol PILATES her I come...lol
__________________ "A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED" SHARON B. Baton Rouge, La. 8-11-90 I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily bases for guidance, care and protection. |
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08-27-2006, 02:13 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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Oh, you people are killing me! LOL!  Believe it or not, I am shy! LOL! So, I tend to get stupid with things like this, ya know. Like toungue tied. Thanks anyway; I'll let you know how it goes. High Holidays are right around the corner!  Shalom!
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08-28-2006, 10:42 AM
| #15 (permalink) |
| Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Canada
Posts: 689
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Teach -- that sounds wonderful! He definitely sounds interested in you, and baby steps are fine at this point. I completely understand how scary it is to begin again. That said, I'm going to throw something else in. High holidays are 3 weeks away, not terribly long from now. BUT -- there's no rule that says you can't initiate contact sooner if you'd like to take a risk and see what the reception is. A coffee somewhere? Just a suggestion! And if it feels right to simply wait and see till the holidays, that's exactly what you should do too! best gf |
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08-28-2006, 11:57 AM
| #18 (permalink) |
| Member  |
Teach -- I'm like you with the shyness and I get tongue tied too. All you can do is just be yourself and see where things lead. Just let them happen. It sounds very promising to me. Actually - I think I just got butterflies in my stomach for you! I really do know how nervous you are. Good luck!! 
__________________ Sober Date: 11.09.2008 |
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09-02-2006, 10:45 PM
| #19 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
| AAAkkkkkkk
I just got an email from him!!! His name's Tom. He said he missed me and the gang from services today, getting ready for school this week. He asked how school was going with me; how my mom's rehab (from knee replacement surgery) was going and how Trevor's release from prison is going. He gave me his home and cell numbers and asked if we were still on for the High Holiday services. He wants us to be in touch before then.  So, I guess I'll email him tomorrow. No need for him to know I'm up in the middle of the night! lol! So, I guess there is something here. What it is, I don't know. But, omg, I'm so out of touch with this kind of thing! I mean, we've never even had a full conversation. Just snipets. I'm typing and erasing things over and over here. LOL! I'm ahead of myself here, thinking about him meeting my family, etc. Maybe I should think about a cup of coffee first, lol! Anyway, I'll give him my phone number tomorrow. Let's just hope he's not weird or something. I went through that with the luuuuvvvv doctor already! lol! Oh, and Sharon, my knee doc told me to start exercising again! (I couldn't for a while; my kneecap was out of place). hehehe :kidding: Shalom!
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09-02-2006, 10:50 PM
| #20 (permalink) |
| Member  |
ooooooooooooooooooooo....I have been waiting for this update! sheeezzz....it all sounds so fun and wonderful, but I admit, I get knots in my stomach thinking about being in that situation! I guess "Take it easy" would be the slogan of the day?
__________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters  |
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09-02-2006, 11:08 PM
| #21 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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Take it Easy! Yea, I'll work on that saying, Live! Knots in the stomach, yea! Now, I just gotta stop futurizing and stay in the moment. See, the thing is, I want someone in my life. But, I want someone who's right for me. And that's kind of difficult, cuz, I don't really know me. Or maybe I'm just crazy. I mean, I know I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I want to marry again. But, I want someone who is willing to share life with me. Not like my ex who is so emotionally crippled that he's incapable of sharing anything. And my pick of men isn't the best, if you know what I mean. The luuuuvvv doctor is a sex addict; another guy is an alcoholic; one more just kind of faded out. And at this point, I don't want to settle. I'd rather be alone than be unhappy in another marriage. You don't know what lonely is until your married to someone who's never there for you. Ok, I'm gettting WAYYYY far away from the reality of an email and a phone number! LOL! Thanks for being here, Live! Shalom!
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09-02-2006, 11:16 PM
| #22 (permalink) |
| Member |
The only reason I am with hubby now is that when I met him I was darned determined never to marry again, so I never had the is it or isn't it. Now, why he hung in there and tolerated me until I decided he was going to marry me...I will never understand! LOL I didn't go about any of it "right"! I hope it is your turn, Teach. You know you deserve it all!
__________________ Each small candle lights a corner of the dark....Roger Waters |
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09-02-2006, 11:19 PM
| #23 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,614
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I am SO with you, Teach. My horse keeps tripping over that dam cart!  First things first - remember to have FUN. This is supposed to be FUN! Keep it light and see where it goes. Good luck, I am very excited for you!
__________________ If ten people tell you that you have a tail... you might want to turn around and look. | |
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09-03-2006, 01:15 AM
| #24 (permalink) |
| On a tear  Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,240
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Dear Tom, Would you like to meet me for coffee after services next week? I like the atmosphere down at the Daily Grind, or you could choose if you have a favorite shop? Dear HP, If this is the "guy"... you know, THE guy... could you make it obvious to both of us? Please? If not... well, let that be apparent rather quickly too. Love, Teach ....... howzat?
__________________ No matter how spoiled the past may be, our future is spotless.... BigSis |
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09-03-2006, 01:24 AM
| #25 (permalink) |
| To Life! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,303
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That's pretty good, BigSis! He's teaching on Saturdays now, and that's why I won't be seeing him during services anymore, or at least for this semister. So, after services won't work for him either. But, I could just say "Let's meet for coffee." And let him say when.  Fun, yes, Phinny, fun. This is supposed to be fun. I'll remember that...I hope! LOL! I like that horse tripping over the cart saying! Soooo true!  Live, that story makes me smile. Yea, when you're not looking.... Arggg, I can't sleep! I want to SLEEP!!! BigSis, why are YOU awake at this hour? Are you with your daughter and the new baby? 3 AM feedings are a drag! Well, there's one thing I won't have to worry about! LOL! Shalom!
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